Citation: Roostafari. "A Lasting and Life Changing Epiphany: An Experience with MDMA (exp6898)". Erowid.org. May 17, 2001. erowid.org/exp/6898
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I obtained 2 tabs of X from a friend at work with the intent of trying it over Christmas Break with my girlfriend (G). We had a bit of a rough week and the tabs were forgotten about and lay in a drawer for 5 months. In May 2001 we went on a camping trip to Mexico and I brought them along just in case the mood struck us. The trip went very well and we spent several days camped out on the beach next to the Sea of Cortez.
After a delicious dinner of fresh-caught fish, we decided to give it a try. Readying camp so that we could go straight to bed if so desired, we took the tabs with a bottle of water and sat down to a game of cards. This would be the first time for both of us. As soon as we started playing, a fisherman came wandering down the beach and wanted to talk. We chatted for a moment and I noticed G was getting a bit uneasy and I encouraged the fisherman to be on his way. It had been about 25 minutes since we took the tabs. She asked me if I was feeling anything, I wasnt. When the fisherman left, I asked G what she was feeling. She said that she couldnt concentrate and was feeling closed in, a little nauseated, and about to have a panic attack for the past 10 minutes. I had had a couple of beers with dinner and suspect that it had been delaying my sensitivity to the X, but G was feeling powerful effects. I suggested that we take a walk.
As soon as she sood up from the card game, she gasped and was staring out over the bay. 'Look at all the stars!, Everything is so bright!' By this time, I was beginning to feel slightly inebriated but without any of the stupor that comes along with alcohol. I was becoming giddy and felt kind of like a floppy hat. I looked out over the ocean and was amazed at the clarity and crispness of my vision! My eyes are not that good, but every single star in the sky shone bright and clear, with none of the fuzziness I had been accustomed to. The rising full moon reflected off the shimmering ocean and was surrounded by a dazzling kaleidoscope of color! A grin spread across my face that literally would not leave me for 2 days. G was feeling 10000% better, we later decided that focusing on the card game and trying to speak spanish to the fisherman didnt allow her to open up to the X and caused her previous discomfort.
We hugged, kissed, and felt some of the strongest sexual desires for eachother that we had ever encountered. We were both hyper-aroused and the feelings and sensations when we held each other and kissed were incredible. We both got a most profound impression however that we must go on our walk first, so down the beach we went. The visual euphoria was soon engulfed by an incredibly deep sensation of love, peace, and joy. Not just love for each other, but love for ourselves. I found myself walking taller with my head high, chest out, and shoulders back. I unbuttoned my Hawaiian shirt and felt the breeze caressing my body. I realized that I loved my body, and I didnt have the 'gut' that I had always envisioned on my stomach. The horrible self image that had festered in my mind for the past 15 years was lifted. The hatred I had felt for my self and the depression that had been dragging me down for two decades was entirely gone! I began to realize the true me that had been crammed and locked into a back recess of my mind. The demons that had been inhabiting my body and suffocating my soul were gone! As of this writing, they are still gone!
G and I amused each other by trying to force my shoulders and posture down into the position that I had held for so many years. It was the most unnatural and impossible pose! I was FREE! G tells me about the glow on my face, and the sparkle in my eyes. The person that had always been hidden inside me and that she had fallen in love with was now the person in control of my body. G had similar though less profound changes occur. Most notably the feeling of inexplicable freedom and joy and the strengthened love between us. We saw each other at our highest best and ourselves as we really were, not as we had thought or imagined we were.
We spent the next 4 hours walking the beach, doing handstands in the sand and talking more openly and true than we ever had before. As the X began to decline, we fell slowly silent and contemplative on the walk back to our tent. Just enjoying the marvelous epiphany we had been blessed with and marveling at the beauty of the night. Returning to the tent we fell asleep quickly and awoke just 5 hours later to an incredible sunrise. No hangover, just a slight bit of drowsiness and fatigue. It has been over a week since this experience and I feel that I am still profoundly affected by it. I am still walking, sitting, and standing taller than before. My self confidence is through the roof. The love I feel for G is magnified. So many of the chains, hangups, doubts, etc that made my life miserable in the past are resolved and bother me no more.
I am confident of who I am and what I believe. I feel I am a much improved man. Reflecting on the experience sometimes brings me near tears because of the drastic realizations I have been blessed with. May this feeling never depart and may I always remember what I have learned!
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