Citation: Hector the Crow. "Gratuitous Grace: An Experience with LSD & Ketamine (exp69014)". Erowid.org. Nov 26, 2009. erowid.org/exp/69014
||(blotter / tab)
||(powder / crystals)
The following is a report of an intense experience with acid and ketamine. Originally posted to the lycaeum forums, I thought I'd copy the post in tact, to give a flavour of the type of posting that I contribute to over there.
Yes, it was an absolutely insane combo, worked like a charm, almost too well, like now what do I do? Balls to the wall for sure. Almost seems to have rendered any further perception redundant, but for lack of anything else to do, I'll try and describe it.
I've had a rough history with psychedelics, lots of freak outs, unresolved emotional issues, it was a self torture thing. I was searching for something, not sure what. Scared off by some sanity shattering episodes in the past, I'd done only low doses of anything for years, stopped posting at Lycaeum too. Then this month, got a hold of some very pure, fantastic blotter acid, the real deal. Did a preview dose, half a blotter, and got a warm giddy glow that lasted longer than neccessary, to the point of annoyance, but it made me realize tripping could actually be fun and positive and not necessarily enslavement to some sadistic self-critique, subsumed in negative energy. I've been off pot for weeks too, I had to admit, it just rubs me the wrong way, grating physical and mental paranoia no matter what the circumstance. But something about ACID, as opposed to shrooms or DPT, there seemed something transparent about it, straight to the point, something I could DEAL with, get a handle on, control.
So, last night, I decided to go with this positive feedback loop, and take two hits at once. Took a long time to get rolling, I always forget how long acid takes, got impatient, and then slowly but surely, I became completely engulfed in extra sensory perfection, full spectrum hallucinogenic consciousness, fractal foam, all that good stuff. Had some lines of potent K ready to go, was still building up to the peak, but I figured I should do some of the dwindling K before my roommate snorfled it all down himself. So I hooped a couple of large lines.
Well holy hell did that ever kick things up a notch. Five minutes later, I was in some other universe. It became entirely internal, non local. I was interacting with a network of minds, trying to learn some kind of new emergent language that was being formed in real time, by other minds in the network - what I imagined to be other people, dreaming, on psychedelics, or in various states of mind that could allow telepathetic non-local connection - I was realizing, allowing myself to see and accept the challenge of the fact that there was some new conscious infrastructure forming, but the rules were not set, we were having to figure it out for ourselves, define it, and see this happening for what it was. This all had the sense of extreme ridiculous hedonism, the heat and electricity and cable bills paid, the oil still flowing, for now, the music still playing, everybody's music, overlaid, cosmic purpose was in interlocking schemes of hedonism, physical spigots, grooves, corners, gravity. Hard to describe, I'm just trying to get across a slice of it.
Anyway, I've gotten to that state on K a lot, but what the acid did is make it bright, like I imagined it would be, like this dreamy interaction with collective unconscious personalities all expressed in fractal translucent flowing multidimensional finely textured metaphors - eye candy, layers upon layers, in some subsets that resembled fragments of short term memory, this new house I've moved into, the upper floor, a nice house basically, but with a little too many drugs and parties happening...
Anyway, when that first pass of K wore off, I came back to something vaguely resembling reality, that being some being I remembered as myself, in 'my room', RIPPED on ACID, just reaching the peak - see it was reality, but a plural reality, I was seeing different timestreams simultaneously - trailers on everything at every level, bouncing around, hallucinations within hallucinations. Now I'd never been this high on any tryptamine before, this was unprecedented. Like, suddenly I seemed to have the option of perceiving whatever I wanted - choosing lives, realities - this was made aware to me via the distortion of vision - opening the door of my room, entering the bathroom to pee, changing one room for another, door falling away to a mirrorhall - the word insanity occured to me - it also occured to me that I didn't care if I was insane forever, I could deal with that - I could choose that if I wanted to - it was fluid, dreamlike and yet totally real, these options - there was no solidity, I could shrug off one reality with a flick of the mind, select another set of associations on a whim - it was the A No. 1 God trip, cutting to the chase of perception, cracking the code, taking control - but I had no agenda, except that of some bumbling googley eyed drug fiend. Even hedonism seemed meaningless. It was too transparent. The inner workings of the mind. Positive was negative. There is something hollow about this realization, for me. But how could it be any other way? It is a shortcut, isn't it?
What happened after that? well then it starts to get really grimy - some dudes showed up, on a coke bender or something - I thought one of them was the landlord my roommate had been paranoid about earlier that night, showing up for a surprise inspection, but he was actually just a creepy kid and his friend dropping by - I felt sorry for them, they were so obviously trying to be high - I thought, if they're doing blow, I want no part of that - although I was feeling pretty burned out myself, still tripping balls, still engorged with beauty, like a leach, eyes bugging out of my head, but it was so redundant now, like beauty wasn't beautiful anymore - I did some more k, got telepathic again - there was a moment, for a few minutes, when that 2nd wave of k kicked in, where I felt like it was perfect, the groove, the hole, just nail me to this corner of the universe, let me be the focal point, let it flow, and it was great, happy addiction
Then my psychology and frailties crept back into the mix, loneliness, loving the one I'm not with, comtempt for those available, wrote a letter to my ex gf, felt horribly and sick for writing about nothing but drugs. I listened to music, plateau music, but no idea what I really have to offer as a musician except empty virtuosity, plenty of fractal foam and patterns, patterns aplenty, but soul? Not sure where the soul is anymore.
What have we learned folks?
Heh, I dunno, just another trip
Another god trip, another omega
Gratuitous grace, doesn't that say it all?
An online friend of mine recommended I read the novel (short story?) Flowers for Algernon - she described it as a story of a retarded person who is granted genius perception - but it wears off - but the poor bastard still remembers being smart - does seem allegorically perfect right now. I'm glad I tried to write, though, if I'm gonna be some metacrackwhore, I might as well write about it.
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