Take a Survey on the use of Breathwork
for Anxiety, Depression, Trauma, or PTSD
Researchers at Johns Hopkins seek responses to an anonymous survey on breathwork. You can participate whether your breathwork experiences helped or not.
(Must be 18+) Take the Survey!
Becoming a Wall
Salvia divinorum
by Andy L.
Citation:   Andy L.. "Becoming a Wall: An Experience with Salvia divinorum (exp695)". Erowid.org. Sep 15, 2000. erowid.org/exp/695

1 bowl smoked Salvia divinorum (leaves)


I had smoked Salvia twice before, having only threshold experiences. This third time, I had re-read the information I had on Salvia, and realized I was not smoking enough, and not all in one go. I smoked a big bowl-full in an empty bong. I held the lung-full as long as I could, and felt it's effect's coming before I could get up off the couch to exhale the smoke out the window. I sat back down and seconds later I became part of the wall I was sitting in front of. As this happened I realized with intense conviction (I was more sure of it than I am of me typing this now) that this is how things have always been; I have always been just part of the wall in my apartment, and my life as a living person up to this point had only been an illusion. I remember the feeling of 'resigned horror' that my previous reality as a human being, living with my boyfriend in this apartment was only a fantasy. And this is really the way it had always been, and will always be; I am part of a wall in an apartment. The profound sense of loss I felt, that the life I had enjoyed for the last 30 years had been a dream, is indescribable.

Only as I came down slightly was I able to grasp a shred of reference to reality. I felt intense waves of relief as my thoughts and perception started to correspond with my memories of my life again; reality began to gel in a more familiar way.

The next day, I was almost euphoric (despite the lack of sleep, as I was up until 4am digesting my intense experience). As corny as it sounds, I feel a great appreciation for being alive, and having this reality (as crappy as it can be at times) that I had taken for granted. The experience, at the time, was horribly jarring and terrifying, but I wouldn't 'undo' it for the world. I saw non-existence, non-entity. I feel as if I had been given a gift; True appreciation of my existence, which is perhaps the first step to a more spiritual outlook I had previously denied myself.

Exp Year: 2000ExpID: 695
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: 30 
Published: Sep 15, 2000Views: 9,788
[ View as PDF (for printing) ] [ View as LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Switch Colors ]
Salvia divinorum (44) : Alone (16), General (1)

COPYRIGHTS: All reports are copyright Erowid and you agree not to download or analyze the report data without contacting Erowid Center and receiving permission first.
Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.

Experience Vaults Index Full List of Substances Search Submit Report User Settings About Main Psychoactive Vaults