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Becoming a Wall
Salvia divinorum
by Andy L.
Citation:   Andy L.. "Becoming a Wall: An Experience with Salvia divinorum (exp695)". Erowid.org. Sep 15, 2000. erowid.org/exp/695

 
DOSE:
1 bowl smoked Salvia divinorum (leaves)

BODY WEIGHT: 240 lb


I had smoked Salvia twice before, having only threshold experiences. This third time, I had re-read the information I had on Salvia, and realized I was not smoking enough, and not all in one go. I smoked a big bowl-full in an empty bong. I held the lung-full as long as I could, and felt it's effect's coming before I could get up off the couch to exhale the smoke out the window. I sat back down and seconds later I became part of the wall I was sitting in front of. As this happened I realized with intense conviction (I was more sure of it than I am of me typing this now) that this is how things have always been; I have always been just part of the wall in my apartment, and my life as a living person up to this point had only been an illusion. I remember the feeling of 'resigned horror' that my previous reality as a human being, living with my boyfriend in this apartment was only a fantasy. And this is really the way it had always been, and will always be; I am part of a wall in an apartment. The profound sense of loss I felt, that the life I had enjoyed for the last 30 years had been a dream, is indescribable.

Only as I came down slightly was I able to grasp a shred of reference to reality. I felt intense waves of relief as my thoughts and perception started to correspond with my memories of my life again; reality began to gel in a more familiar way.

The next day, I was almost euphoric (despite the lack of sleep, as I was up until 4am digesting my intense experience). As corny as it sounds, I feel a great appreciation for being alive, and having this reality (as crappy as it can be at times) that I had taken for granted. The experience, at the time, was horribly jarring and terrifying, but I wouldn't 'undo' it for the world. I saw non-existence, non-entity. I feel as if I had been given a gift; True appreciation of my existence, which is perhaps the first step to a more spiritual outlook I had previously denied myself.

Exp Year: 2000ExpID: 695
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: 30 
Published: Sep 15, 2000Views: 9,788
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Salvia divinorum (44) : Alone (16), General (1)

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