Citation: Virtual Unreality. "Numb to the Core: An Experience with Aripiprazole (Abilify), Paroxetine (Paxil) & Quetiapine (Seroquel) (exp70812)". Erowid.org. Feb 21, 2010. erowid.org/exp/70812
So the current dosage beings when I'm put in the Hospital for Schizophrenia about a year after I was diagnosed. I came in delusional, hallucinating, and thinking I was going to be killed by the government so I had to kill myself to evade them. After hearing all these voices and delusions spinning in my head my Dad takes me in. By this point I had been awake for almost 2 days and was quite agitated. In the hospital they immediately gave me Abilify and Paxil and I drifted off to sleep.
The next day I woke up and started wandering the halls of the psych unit at 5am still hearing evil voices through the speakers of the ceiling. After meeting with the doctor later that day I was upped from 15mg to 25mg abilify, and from 20mg to 30 mg paxil, I was also given 50mg seroquel at bedtime to help me sleep a little. A few days after being on this combo I was back down to Earth and they sent me out of the hospital and on my way.
I felt no emotions at all, just eternal nothingness. Antipsychotics simply sucked all the feeling out of me, which I both love and despise. On the one hand I can think clearly and don't hallucinate, on the other nothing effects me whatsoever. I used to be a somewhat social person, now the few times I'm with friends I simply stare off into space and have trouble thinking of anything to say. I'm like a zombie set on blank. The world goes by around me as I sit and experience total oblivion to all the things I like and despise. Maybe one day I won't need all these meds and I can remember what it was like before schizophrenia, and learn to laugh, love, and feel again.
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