Citation: Toy. "Bad Panic Trip: An Experience with Cannabis (exp70884)". Erowid.org. Aug 11, 2017. erowid.org/exp/70884
Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. Don't do it!]
I'm pretty regular pot smoker. I'm 20 and have been smoking since I was about 16 and within the past year have been smoking pretty regularly and I've never experienced paranoia before. I always kind of laughed at people who experienced paranoia and thought it was just an exaggeration. WRONG.
One Tuesday night my friends and I decided to celebrate a special occasion. I was leaving the next day for San Francisco on a business trip. In excitement we went to a friend’s house to smoke from her new bong. Now I've smoked from a bong before that was twice as big as hers but I was still intimidated for some reason.
One of my friends kept joking saying 'oh man you're gonna get so fucked up tonight' 'and “you're gonna see so much crazy shit.' It was just him messing with me because they all knew I was intimidated about smoking from the bong.
But I rallied on anyway laughing off his comments and took about 3 hits from the bong and was completely stoned. I sat around for what felt like hours but was actually about 30 minutes with a smile on face feeling good
I sat around for what felt like hours but was actually about 30 minutes with a smile on face feeling good
and then some of my friends decided to head back home so I took the ride with them.
In the car my mind started racing. I have a somewhat pessimistic view on things in life and death is my biggest fear, so I started freaking out since everyone including the driver was stoned and I was scared that we were going to wreck. I kept thinking 'omg I'm gonna die tonight and I won't even make it to California!' I knew it was the weed that was affecting me, so I didn't say anything to anyone in the car, I just kept looking out the window thinking any second we'd hit something. Finally we all made it back on campus and I went to my apartment thinking the worst was over.
I laid down and then for some reason my heart started racing and my lungs felt like it couldn't get enough air and I started breathing frantically. I decided to listen to The Beatles to put myself in a good mood. I started listening to the song 'She Said She Said' which was written by Lennon about a conversation that he had with Peter Fonda while they were tripping on acid. Now the story goes that while everyone was talking George Harrison was in a corner freaking out because he was having a bad trip and thought he was going to die that night. As the song played I freaked out even more because I kept thinking 'holy shit this is what George must have felt like!' and it made me even more paranoid as death still loomed in my mind.
I turned the music off and decided to lay back on my bed and try to relax which made everything worse. I stared at the ceiling and everything seemed to close in. I felt like I was in a trash compactor and the ceiling was going to crush me. I started breathing even harder and begged God to help me.
I called a friend and asked him what it was that we smoked and he told me that it was just mids. I told him I was freaking out and he told me to just relax and enjoy it. I meekly said ok and prayed that he would stay on the phone with me just to talk but he was stoned and said “alright bye.”
So left alone, I tried to practice some regular breathing and drank water. I looked in the mirror and I looked insane. My eyes were bloodshot and my hair was standing everywhere from laying on the bed. I kept saying to myself 'omg I don't ever want to feel like this again, I'm fucking dying.' I then thought if I went to sleep everything would be fine but when I got back in bed I kept thinking 'no if I go to sleep I'll definitely die' my heart was beating so fast, I was convinced I was on the verge of having a heart attack.
I laid in bed trying not to notice the compacting ceiling when I saw a monkey hanging from the wall out of the corner of my eye. I knew it was in my mind and then realized it my 'Curious George' poster that I have hanging up. But when I remembered that the poster was on the other side of my head out of eye sight, I freaked out even more.
This went on for what felt like forever and I finally decided to send an email to the friend who was going to pick me up the following morning to take me to the airport and tell her if I didn't pick up when she called I was probably dead and to leave me.
I told myself that as long as I was awake I was fine so I stayed up until about 6am when I was calm and finally decided to go to sleep. I woke the next morning thanking God I was alive but was EXTREMELY tired.
I realized that night I probably had my first panic attack and definitely my first experience with paranoia.
That night scared me out beyond belief because it STILL gives me the creeps when I think about it but it didn't stop me from smoking. I still smoke pot almost daily and try to keep my mind clear so I won't experience that feeling again. Death has always been my biggest fear and being alone that night with no one to comfort me but my own doomed thoughts was the reason it happened.
It was a terrible night but it was a learning experience as well. The only downside is that I want to try LSD, shrooms, and salvia but then I think about that night and am terrified to think if repeating again except worse.
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