Citation: AnotherEmoKid. "Shock Therapy to the Gut: An Experience with Diphenhydramine (exp71316)". Erowid.org. Jan 2, 2013. erowid.org/exp/71316
As an introduction, I've been diagnosed with depression and show symptoms of ADD and bipolar disorder. I often feel unhappy with my life, and, until recently, had a habit of self-injury.
I had read about diphenhydramine a few times and I thought it sounded interesting. So I figured, Iíll try it but Iíll just go about half of what other people are doing. So, when my mom was out and I was home alone, I went to the cabinet, hoping we still had some Benadryl. To my luck, we did. I knew I couldnít take too much, or someone might notice it went missing, so I took 8 25mg capsules.
I knew what was going to come; Iíd read it before. I was waiting for the visuals to come. I was very impatient, but at the same time, nervous. I wasnít sure why I was doing this, but I wanted it. I went outside in my backyard and sat on the swingset, listening to my iPod, for probably 30 minutes. Nothing was happening to me, save for a lightheaded feeling. I was looking around and Iíd notice things about my yard I hadnít before, intently trying to hallucinate. Nothing happened for a while, and then a brown bird flew in front of me, as it flew it looked as though it turned into a butterfly, or maybe the other way around. I canít remember too clearly. Then, the ground seemed to pop, like an optical illusion. I got excited that something was finally happening.
After a couple minutes, my mom got home, and the high hadnít barely started. I watched her clean up the yard, and after she went into the garage, I walked inside. I knew I had to stay away from people or else theyíd notice something was up, so I walked up to my room.
It had been about 45 minutes since I took the pills. Nothing was happening, again, so I decided Iíd get on the computer. I signed onto myspace and started talking to a friend on instant messenger. It seemed like my body, mostly my head, was getting rapidly heavier. I was in this strange state where it took about 20x more effort than usual to move. I started to write a blog entry on myspace and noticed that I couldnít type correctly. I was mixing up the letters in every single word. I decided Iíd better get off the computer, at this point words were becoming blurry.
About an hour and 15 minutes in, Iím guessing, I was laying on my bed, staring at the wall. I noticed something moving on my bookshelf...a shadow. It looked like a face and it was moving, as if it was talking, but I couldnít hear anything. The face disappeared, and what seemed like a minute later, I heard some girl whisper into my ear, something along the lines of ďHow are you?Ē. I strained myself to look behind me, where the sound had come from, but I didnít see anything. I returned my head to itís original position, staring at the wall. I noticed that the fur on the stuffed crab I have upside down on my dresser appeared to be moving, like an invisible kid was stroking it. My first reaction to this was to panic, I felt my heart skip a beat, I got scared. But this was it, this was what I was waiting that hour for!
The stuffed crab continued to move, and eventually I saw black smoke coming from it. The smoke looked cool, I thought to myself.
My time perception is totally off by this point, and I donít remember what I saw in chronological order, except for the crab being first, and after the crab, my bottle of lotion seemed to be shaking, as if in an earthquake. At one point, I turned over, staring at my other wall. This one has four posters, two of Evanescence (the rock band), one of Death Note (anime show), and one of Fruits Basket (another anime show). In one of the Evanescence posters, I thought I saw the singer falling out, like she was going to hit me...and then it looked normal again. Then, the other one, she started to shake her head at me, as if to say ďYou shouldnít be doing this.Ē At this, I panicked again. I was so ready for this, when I took the pills, but I still panicked anyway. Then, the Fruits Basket one popped, like a bubble came out of it. It looked normal when I looked at it straight on though. In the Death Note one, I saw the characters hand shake, like my entire body seemed to be doing, I noticed.
I was in a state of complete exhaustion. Normally when I lay down, I get bored and feel urges to get up and do something but my body was so dead here, it felt like dead weight. I kept seeing shadows by my door, like someone was walking by. I couldnít tell if it was my mom, or my little brother, who was home by this time, or if I was hallucinating.
At one point, it seemed to be wearing off enough so that I could read. I think this was before the posters, but my memories are quite blurred, and thereís no way in hell Iíll ever be able to order them more than I have. I got up, when I walked it felt like I was floating. I looked in my brotherís room, he was sitting on the ground, playing with his hotwheels cars. I just looked at him and said ďhi Josh.Ē He said hi back and then I walked on, to my momís bathroom. I looked at Advil PM. We donít buy Tylenol, but I knew Tylenol PM has diphenhydramine in it, so I checked to see if Advil PM did as well. As I had guessed, it did, 25mg.
Hours (2, maybe?) into this, I took 25mg more of diphenhydramine, combined with an amount of ibuprofen. Iíve been taking ibuprofen since I was a kid, and now need at least 2 Advils to even help a headache, so I figured the ibuprofen wouldnít interfere with anything. I still donít know if it did or not.
Walking back to my room, I looked into my brotherís again. He was sitting in the same spot as before, playing with his cars, but now my mom was with them. I looked at them, they looked back, and I went back into my room to lay down again.
I saw multiple moving shadows in various places. I almost got used to them. The panicked state was over but I still felt my heart racing. My mom, I think, came in twice while I was laying in my bed, hallucinating. I donít know if I was imagining her or if she really did though. She asked me if I was okay, and I said yes Iím just really tired and trying to take a nap. I think this was before most of the hallucinations, because she turned the lights on and closed the window so I could sleep. And they were all in the darker lighting.
Eventually I fell asleep, somehow. I canít remember anything after a certain point.
I woke up at about 6:30 pm. Almost 4 hours after taking the pills. I got up and went downstairs. I was still lightheaded but I wasnít hallucinating, that I knew of. I went to dinner but didnít eat. There were smoothies, so I drank mine and went upstairs. I got on the computer, checked my myspace, and talked for a bit, then got off. It was hard, but not impossible, to read.
When I was around my mom, she noted that I was quieter than usual today. I wasnít arguing or anything. I just said that I was really really tired, and she believed me. I wasnít lying, I just wasnít explaining why.
Hereís the weirdest part: I woke up the next morning, my body felt heavy, and I wasnít necessarily happy, but it was a normal morning. I got up, and remembered earlier that my friend had said he didnít recognize me the other day because I wasnít wearing black, so I jokingly made a point to wear black pants. The morning went normally. I had only two strips of bacon for breakfast. I stopped at Starbucks on the way to school and got a tall, doubleshot, nonfat caramel macchiato, what I usually get. I went to my first final exam, Geometry. I felt okay, but about 20 minutes in, I started to feel really sick. Like I had to go to the bathroom really bad. Worse than Iíve ever felt before. So I broke down and asked my teacher if I could go to the bathroom because I didnít feel good, so he said sure. I had really bad diarrhea, and immediately I blamed it on the drugs from last night. I felt better after using the restroom, and went back to class. My teacher asked if I was okay, so I nodded, and went back to my test. I was fine for a total of maybe two minutes, then my face got hot, it felt as if this giant, massive sunburn was covering my face. I was starting to panic. This wasnít fun. 10 minutes later I felt like I had to go to the bathroom again, but I didnít dare ask. I rushed to finish my test, I only needed a 55% to keep my A in the class so I wasnít even doing half the math. When I was done, I realized most of the other kids were only halfway, so to avoid looking like I rushed myself, waiting about 10 minutes. I then turned my test in and asked to see the nurse.
At the nurses office, I explained all of my symptoms, however I didnít mention I had overdosed on Benadryl the previous night. I was shaking really bad, felt nauseated, had head flashes, and had diarrhea. The nurse commented that it sounded like the flu, and said she didnít have anything. She asked if I wanted to lay down and rest for the half-hour break until my next final, but I said no. When I laid down waiting to talk to her, the chair looked like it grew a face. I told her I start hallucinating when I lay down. She shrugged it off, and I asked to call my mom.
We decided to have me eat something and see what it does, but I was already doubtful. I just wanted this to stop and I knew that flu methods wouldnít work - I wasnít sick from a germ. I tried to choke down a bagel. It was dry, and I had a hard time swallowing. I could only bite off small bits at a time. After doing this with half, I gave up and threw it away. I got a drink from the drinking fountain, and then I saw some of my friends, the ones who donít experiment with drugs like me. We talked, and I told them I felt like shit, and they said it was weird because another one of my friends was feeling the same way.
I kept seeing my Ďstonerí friend, Nate, around the halls. We had cut class at break yesterday to go to the gas station (with 3 other people), but he didnít acknowledge me today. That I saw, at least. I shrugged it off, since we donít talk incredibly often anyway, and then went to my next final, drawing. I didnít talk much. The flu feeling was still huge.
By the time I got on the bus, my gut was feeling better, but I felt like someone was poking my hand with a needle. Nobody was. I also felt bugs crawling on my skin, but there werenít any. I got home, and felt only mild symptoms now. It wasnít too bad after that noon mark.
My overall experience with this drug is quite strange. I actually liked the hallucinations when I got past the panic point, and it wasnít too hard to cover up that I was drugged up. The morning after effects felt like shock therapy to my guts. I donít think itís worth it, unless you have a free morning afterwards to deal with the sick feeling for a few hours. However, the drug is all I can think about, and even though I know itís not that great, and a really bad time right now, I just want more.
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