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The Start to the End of My Paranoia
Cannabis
by DDG
Citation:   DDG. "The Start to the End of My Paranoia: An Experience with Cannabis (exp71698)". Erowid.org. Aug 25, 2018. erowid.org/exp/71698

 
DOSE:
  smoked Cannabis

BODY WEIGHT: 120 lb


Prior to my first experience with weed I have used nutmeg three times, twice with severe negative effects. I also don't drink and have had no other drug experience.

I have always wondered what being 'high' was like. Ironically, ever since I completed the 7th grade D.A.R.E. program my view on drugs has been positive. I had sworn to myself for years that I would never drink or do drugs because they were 'wrong' and would totally screw up my life as my D.A.R.E. officer had told me in 6th grade. However, after reading the posters in my health classroom and seeing their idea of “the negative effects of marijuana”, I began to realize what they were telling me was a load of bullshit and I began to question. Instead of reading the D.A.R.E. material they provided me, I decided to turn to the internet. I read many unbiased articles and finally figured out the truth, Marijuana is not what they say it is. I now find it funny that the kids in my D.A.R.E class who aced the class (like me) have now ALL done drugs one time or another. The kids who are still opposed to drug usage all got C’s in the class.

When I was in middle school only a select few students were known drug users, none of which I was friends with. The possibility of me getting weed was not feasible. After reading online about nutmeg, I decided to give it a go. I now regret this immensely and blame it for a large portion of my paranoia. This first time I “megged” it was a beautiful experience. I had taken it the night before at around 9pm and woke up the next morning in a dream like state. It was beautiful. I went to school the same day and was constantly forgetting things. I asked a kid in my science class what time we had math. He looked at me with a puzzled expression and said, “what? We just had math last period.” I still didn’t remember but agreed with him and replied “oh yeah, wow I’m dumb.”

The next two times I took nutmeg were horrible. I had taken the same amount (2 tsp) but with a new bottle this time, rather then the one I had previously used that had been sitting in my pantry for over four years. I “megged” both times the night before and woke up totally fucked out of my mind. It wasn’t a good high though. I puked multiple times and was high as shit for at least eight hours both times. I had extreme cotton mouth and a racing heart that was beating out of my chest. The last time I “megged”, nearly two years ago now, I even contemplated telling my mom what I had had done and telling her to call an ambulance. Afterwards I was very happy I didn’t. For the next week my heart would beat out of my chest every time I would do anything remotely athletic.

Up until about April 14th of this year’s school year, I did absolutely nothing illegal or mind changing. Although I hadn’t forgotten about drugs, I had pretty much given up because none of my friends had access to drugs and I had no wishes of ever doing nutmeg again. In the beginning of April however, my best friend was introduced to weed and became a regular smoker. After a couple failed attempts at smoking together (our plans didn’t work out for one reason or another) we finally got our shit straight and she invited me over on a Saturday afternoon.

After admiring the little baggy of what she told me was a gram and a half (I had never seen weed in person before) we decided to head out. We took turns taking hits (around seven each) and she became very high. Her eyes drooped and she looked incredibly tired. I on the other hand felt nothing and was pissed off because I wasn’t even going to get high my first experience with weed. I was sitting on a rock at the time and looked down to swipe away a bug beneath me while it was her turn. As I brought my head up to take another hit, it hit me out of nowhere. I was high. I had never felt anything like this before.
As I brought my head up to take another hit, it hit me out of nowhere. I was high. I had never felt anything like this before.
I was speechless and couldn’t form words. I was frightened and couldn’t even make words to tell my friend what was happening to me. She nudged me again and told me to take another hit. I did so but didn’t want to. My mouth wouldn’t make words to tell her no. I ended up taking one more hit then finally figured out how to say no. “IIIII’m done.” I said in a slow slurred voice. She told me she was too and we went to stand up. As I stood up the high hit me even harder. I felt like I had bug eyes and more peripheral vision. I stumbled across the rocks and finally figured out how to walk straight. I was not enjoying this and told myself I would never smoke weed again.

We walked down the sidewalk together smelling each other’s hair to see if we smelled like weed. I imagine we looked incredibly strange to oncoming cars. All of a sudden I screamed. Her friend had beeped his horn at us. This scared me immensely as my super-charged heart nearly popped out of my chest. My chest was warm then, I could feel it in my lungs and throughout my face. It was not at all normal and obviously from the weed.

By this time I was starting to calm down a bit but was still only able to form simple sentences with slurred speech. I sounded like someone who was just learning English. My friend had the munchies so we decided to go into our local fast food restaurant and get something to eat. When we were in line waiting to order I spotted a girl I knew from one of my classes. I couldn’t tell if it was her or not so I stopped and stared at her. She looked at me strangely but I didn’t realize what I was doing could be considered odd. My friend decided not to order and told me we were leaving. I continued to stare at the girl as I slowly walked out of the restaurant. “Walk faster!” my friend told me. I didn’t realize how slow I was going. I must have looked ridiculous.

We then decided to go and get something to drink because I had extreme cotton mouth. I was afraid I wasn’t going to be able to pay for my water and practiced what I was going to say over and over again in my head. When I finally reached the man at the counter I quickly handed him a five dollar bill and said thank you. He looked at me strangely. I had the water in my other hand below the counter where he couldn’t see it. “Give him the water.” My friend reminded me. He rang me up and looked at me strangely as I left.

The water tasted so good in my mouth but the cotton mouth wouldn’t go away. We decided to go buy sodas instead. The soda machine was a whole other complicated problem. I couldn’t find the place to put the money in. I ended up jamming my dollar into the side of the soda machine against the hard plastic. If anyone had seen me they would have known something was wrong with me. My friend insisted that there was no place to put bills in but I saw it, it was right in front of me. Suddenly it disappeared and I gave up. I bought a diet coke in the machine next to it. The coke however was impossible to drink. I sipped only about a teaspoon of it and it exploded in my mouth. It was way too bubbly and wouldn’t go down with my dry tongue. Throughout the night I kept forgetting things my friend had just said to me and would forget what I was saying mid-sentence.

My friend was still hungry so we decided to go to the grocery store and put in eye drops while we were there. The bathroom at the grocery store was a white room with white tile. This scared me. I felt like I was in the movie 1408 and would never escape the room. I needed to leave the room. The floor started to move in a curvy motion like a snake. I was so relieved to finally leave the bathroom. Inside the grocery store, my friend decided to go get some food. We were standing in front of the goldfish when she declared, “I want goldfish!” right next to an elderly man. “Where’s the goldfish aisle?” she asked me. I shrugged my shoulders. I still couldn’t make words to tell her they were right in front of her. (she later explained to me she was looking for the flavored goldfish rather then the original ones in front of her)

We decided it would be best that we start heading home because it was approaching 9:30pm and we had smoked at 6pm. This was strange because we were both incredibly high and we should have come down an hour and a half ago.

We finally got back to her house around 10pm and I was still very high. I was very frightened I wasn’t going to be able to handle myself in front of her parents. When we walked in the door they were both sitting in front of the T.V. she talked to them for a quick minute and I didn’t say anything. “Hey” her mom said to me. I had forgotten to greet her parents, something I always do. We went upstairs and listened to music I would never let myself be seen listening to. Oddly I enjoyed it as I closed my eyes and concentrated on the rhythm. I felt incredibly tired and like gravity was pushing down on me extra hard. We decided to watch T.V. I think we were watching Saturday Night Live but I still don’t remember. I fell asleep soon after she put it on. When I woke up around 11pm I had finally come down. I didn’t feel normal but I definitely didn’t feel the same way I had an hour ago.

When I woke up the next morning wasn’t high anymore but I felt different almost nervous. I felt like this the entire day.

I have smoked weed once since this experience but I smoked a lot less. Unlike my first time, I was able to talk and function and had a wonderful experience.
I have smoked weed once since this experience but I smoked a lot less. Unlike my first time, I was able to talk and function and had a wonderful experience.
I will definitely smoke again but never as much as I did the first time and I feel I am stable enough to.

I still blame my first horrible experience with weed on nutmeg. I felt very similar to the way I did during my nutmeg high. Ever since my nutmeg experience I easily freak out and would not recommend nutmeg to anyone who is not an experienced drug user.

Exp Year: 2008ExpID: 71698
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Aug 25, 2018Views: 1,122
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Cannabis (1) : General (1), Difficult Experiences (5), First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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