Citation: Banana. "Ba-da-ba-ba-baaaaa, I'm Lovin' It!: An Experience with MDMA (exp71723)". Erowid.org. Dec 8, 2017. erowid.org/exp/71723
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A few months ago, I had caught up with an old friend after a couple of years without seeing each other to have some drinks. We had grown up in the same small town and used to smoke copious amounts of pot together as teenagers. During this particular evening, he had told me quite candidly how for many years, he had been severely depressed, but that he had found the cure; that cure was MDMA. He told me how he was feeling better now than he ever had in his whole life, and I was instantly intrigued. But I was also rather resigned, because ecstasy was one of those “bad chemical drugs” that you could die from, according to so many stories… Nevertheless, after that night, the thought of E stayed in my thoughts for a long time.
Prior to this, my drug usage consisted of a ton of pot, booze, three good mushroom trips and a one-night-stand with cocaine.
My curiosity about ecstasy stemmed from the fact that I, myself, have been severely depressed for a couple of years. I recall spending evenings just lying in bed thinking terrible thoughts, and feeling the sting of loneliness. I had just finished my first year of university before this experience, and though I had great academic success, my social life and emotional self were devastated. I felt entirely alone. I was 22, and had never had a girlfriend, and all my friends were far away; I was alone. While I had never imagined myself taking E, the idea of happiness in a pill was compelling. I had to know what the fuss was about.
I began researching the MDMA vault on a reputable website, weighing all the pros and cons and learning about all the preventative measures one should take when using E responsibly. Of particular importance was the Peter Jennings ABC News documentary “Ecstasy Rising”. I watched it on YouTube and found it to dispel a lot of myths that I had unfortunately swallowed as fact a long time ago. Based on that program, and the countless positive experience reports, I decided that E might not be as bad as everyone thinks it is. In fact, it seemed to me that the only people who reported bad experiences with the drug were using it completely irresponsibly anyway, combing large doses with alcohol and pot and any number of other drugs. Conversely, those who took solely MDMA in the right dosage and stayed safe reported amazing effects. I decided that I would try it.
I should also note at this point that for a couple of weeks prior to this, I was taking a high potency multi-vitamin once daily, along with 1000 mg of Vitamin-C time released once daily. And the night of the experience, I took an additional 1000 mg of Vitamin-C with my supper, as I have read of its anti-oxidant properties and also its relation to serotonin development.
The night in question was my friend’s (same friend mentioned above) birthday party. It was a rave. We were going to be using MDMA powder, which apparently was tested as 98% pure. With great anticipation, I dumped about 50 mg into a glass of water, and poured it down the hatch. I waited. After about 35 minutes had past, I felt nothing. I told this to my friend, who was already rolling, and he suggested I take more. I agreed, so again, I did approximately another 50 mg, and again, I waited. Another 40 minutes had past, and again I was convinced that I was still sober. So this time, my friend just dumped a good pinch more of powder into a drink, and I swallowed. This was it, I thought, as I swallowed it, I felt a tingle of anxiousness flow through my body because I knew there was enough in my system to send me to Oz at this point, it was just a matter of when.
My mistake, I realized, was that MDMA is not like mushrooms. I was expecting to instantly catapult into the high, but that is not the case. I was waiting for MDMA to hit me, but the truth was, the MDMA was waiting for me to come to it. Around 2 hours after my first dose, I was sitting on a couch when I noticed my face felt sort of different, very smooth to the touch. I began to get excited. I got up, and moved to the dance floor. I had been nervous and self-conscious about dancing before, but I went anyway, still feeling mostly sober. I began to move slowly to the beat, and before long, I realized that I wasn’t gonna stop. I began to dance like I’ve never danced before, completely free of inhibition. I was an animal! It felt so good. Suddenly, I knew the drug was working, and pleasure shot through me, but in such a gentle way. I felt completely at peace.
Remembering safety, I routinely went outside into the cool night air to cool down, as I had begun to sweat profusely. Then back to the dance floor I would go. Outside, it seemed like everyone knew that I was loved up, they were all introducing themselves, and we were just talking really positively. I remember feeling completely safe with these strangers.
I walked into another room, and a girl with whom I was slightly acquainted saw that I was on cloud nine, and offered me some brazil nut body butter cream, which I took and slathered on my arms and hands. Orgasmic!
The dancing continued until 4 am, when the club closed for the night. I still wanted to party, but realized that by the time I got home, the sun would be coming up, and it was time to go. This didn’t really bother me much. I just felt so content. I took a taxi home. Once inside, I walked to the bathroom. And this was a revelation! My pupils were HUGE, and I just looked at myself, then, I smiled such a gigantic smile I thought the muscles would rip right out of my skin! It felt indescribably incredible. I suddenly realized that I’m an attractive dude, and that I have no reason to be afraid or shy around people anymore. I realized that I have all the gifts in the world within myself, and that I need to share those gifts with all those around me. It was absolutely cathartic.
I walked to my desk and pulled out a piece of paper, and wrote myself a note, to remind me later of this revelation. Afterwards, I opened a drawer with some old Christmas cards and mementos in it, and began looking through them. I felt so much love for all the people in them – grandparents, friends etc. – that I wished they were there right then so I could tell them how much I cared about them.
By about 5:30 am, the sun was starting to rise, and still quite high, I decided I should go to bed. I had no difficulty sleeping at all. I awoke at 9:30 the next morning; only 4 hours of sleep, but felt fantastic still! I could still look in the mirror and remember being high, and it was like it would just come right back again! Amazing! I felt very energetic, and decided to have a shower and get dressed and then go for a walk. It was a beautiful day outside, and I couldn’t believe how everything looked so “crisp”. The sky was bluer than it had ever been before; trees were greener than ever before; all the people I saw looked beautiful. And I was beautiful, too. I would look people in the eyes as I passed them and smile, and most of them reciprocated. It was like I could send my joy to them through that contact.
It is now 2 days later, and I still feel very good. While I’m not quite ecstatic anymore, I’m definitely very much at peace with myself. I feel no negative energy. I feel like a new person.
This powder had to have been pure, because the high was so powerful, yet completely gentle. I felt no negative physiological effects, such as heart racing or head-rushes, or even jaw clenching. It was like the drug just swept me off my feet, lifted me miles high into the sky, then let me glide back down a slow, steady slope to landing. I couldn’t have asked for a better experience.
I will definitely do MDMA again in the future, but I know enough to wait a considerable amount of time to allow my serotonin levels to balance out again. It’s something I think could be done maybe 5 times out of a year. I can definitely see how people could abuse it, and do it each week. I would love to drop a pill tomorrow if I could, but I know that is not wise. I will wait, and have few and far between experiences, but their power will surely make the wait worth it. Responsible use of MDMA can be… well… just unbelievable. It is the perfect drug.
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