Citation: Conjecture. "Better Living Through Chemistry?: An Experience with Sertraline (exp71740)". Erowid.org. Jan 31, 2020. erowid.org/exp/71740
I began taking Zoloft in the fall of 2007. My prescription was written upon my mention that I had felt depressed for the last few years, which at the time I thought was a lie-- before going to my doctor I managed to convince myself that I wasn't actually 'clinically' depressed, and that so-called 'clinical depression' was made up by whiny bastards and the pharmaceutical companies that profited off of them. Anyway, it was some kind of bullshit to make myself feel like I wasn't pathetic. I was just trying to 'see what an SSRI would do.' I previously had danced with a Tramadol semi-addiction, which pretty much divided every day into half-happiness and half-misery, split right down the middle. It made me wonder what it would be like to be happy, all the time. Not just the sleepy, pseudo-opiate type.
I started off with 50mg. For the first week I didn't feel anything different except for obnoxious twitchiness and a clenched jaw, which apparently was normal. That soon changed, sort of. I felt more awake and talkative. And more twitchy. Great. I went up to 100mg, just as the jaw-clenching was going away, which of course caused it to return. I'm lucky I didn't crack a tooth, or multiple teeth, or my face, or something.
For awhile I was alright with 100mg, my twitchiness settled down a bit, and the jaw thing went away almost completely. But then I started to feel awful. Really fucking awful. Like, probably the worst feeling I've ever had that lasted for more than a few hours. So up to 150mg, and the original side effects were back with a vengeance. This time they brought a few friends, namely insomnia coupled with drowsiness, which was really annoying. And then there was akathisia. That drunk guy who was mistakenly invited to an art-gallery opening that vomits all over himself, hits on all the patrons, and simulates sexual intercourse with the sculptures. Akathisia is a bit like what restless leg syndrome is made out to be like, except without the 'pins and needles,' and all over your body. I couldn't sit still no matter how hard I tried. There was always this weird feeling in my stomach that made me constantly want to do sit-ups or something. And sleeping? Forget that. It was more like doing gymnastics on my bed. Occasionally I would get something similar to a panic attack, usually in the car, that would make me have to pull over and just curl up into a ball for awhile. Also, for an hour or two after I took the stuff every day, I would get these weird electic-shock sensations every time I refocused my eyes or got startled by something. In short, it sucked. I was beginning to think that 150mg was a bit too much for someone of my size and drug-tolerance.
After a little talking with the doctor, I was put back to 100 mg. The electric shocks continued for awhile, this time BEFORE I took it, but that faded out, and everything was candy and sunshine again. I hypothesize that the electric shocks occur when either raising or lowering the dosage of Zoloft-- whenever I missed my dose for more than a day, I would get them again.
In retrospect, I really do think this stuff helped in a way. It sort of makes me wonder if I really was 'depressed' before I started taking it. The feeling isn't really an unnatural 'happy-all-the-time-wheee!' type of deal, I just feel good when it's natural. I still cry when I should feel like crying. In the beginning it was a little weird, though, and I was noticing that it was impossible to get even a semblance of sexual arousal. Also, it kind of made my short-term memory go on a long trip to Taiwan or something. It was a bit hard to think and, since I tend to pride myself overmuch on my intellect, it took my self-worth along with it. I think that's mostly gone now, though. Mostly. I guess it's candy and sunshine for now.
COPYRIGHTS: All reports are copyright Erowid and you agree not to download or analyze the report data without contacting Erowid Center and receiving permission first.
Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.