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Changed My Life
Psilocybin & Cannabis
Citation:   jaylay. "Changed My Life: An Experience with Psilocybin & Cannabis (exp72085)". Erowid.org. Mar 20, 2023. erowid.org/exp/72085

 
DOSE:
T+ 0:00
1 tablet oral Psilocybin (powder / crystals)
  T+ 1:00 One bowls smoked Cannabis (flowers)
BODY WEIGHT: 120 lb
A short while ago, I came across a friend of mine who had in his possession a load of mushroom pills. I had never heard of mushrooms in pill form, but since he was a highly reputable and respected friend, I trusted him. Supposedly contained within each gel capsule was about an eighth of dried mushroom's worth of psilocybin, synthesized at a local university. So, me being cautious, decided to try just half a pill. I actually did this on two occasions both with friends and what came of it was the sensation of a mild/moderate mushroom trip (though both occasions were incredibly memorable). Later on, I took one whole pill with some friends and had a pretty good trip. So I decided to trust these pills.

I had not thought about the pills for a bit up until recently I found myself in a situation in which I basically hooked up a friend with I think nine of these pills and ended up getting one free for myself and twenty bucks for the wallet. Of course, I picked the one with the most powder content to keep.

It was about 10:30PM last night that I decided to take the pill. I had eaten a light dinner at about 8PM or so. I took the capsule apart and dumped the sketchy white substance within onto a bit of tissue paper, which I balled up and swallowed with some water. About and hour and a half earlier, a friend had called me to see what I was up to for the night, and I remember telling him 'dude, I'm gonna stay in, trip these mushrooms, and figure some stuff out.'

Before I get into the trip, I have to describe my set and setting. I am home for the summer, so that means I am in the house with my parents and my grandparents. I came into the trip completely by myself and with no other plans other than to 'figure some stuff out'.

So at about 11:00PM, I feel like I am pretty well into the trip. I was at the point in which I knew I was still in reality, but reality seemed not quite real. Things began to become fluid in nature and colors and patterns all seemed to be liquid. My bedsheets seemed to be constantly flowing. My room felt like it was breathing. At this point, my parents and even my grandparents were up, and I had myself locked in my room, not really enjoying nor disliking the trip.

At about 11:30PM, I went into the bathroom and took one bong rip of some pretty potent skunk. Immediately, I begin to feel the trip harder. I hid the bong and all that and sat back in my bed. Probably about five minutes after smoking, the trip hit me so incredibly hard and basically took me to my knees. The only way to describe this trip is that it is mushroom-esque in pretty much every way except that there were no crazy visuals, though everything seemed melty and had a quality similar to the way the recent movie A Scanner Darkly [or Waking Life] looked. Just an intense mental trip, and my god was it intense.

I remember looking up at the clock. It was 12:00AM. I had only dosed about an hour and a half ago, and the trip was only intensifying. Each thought exploded into millions of tangents which in turn exploded into millions of more tangents. I began to try to fight the trip. I began to think about the scene from A Scanner Darkly from the movie and the book (which is an incredible book, by an incredible author: Philip K Dick) in which the character Freck had tried to kill himself by attempting to overdose on sleeping pills and fine wine, only to find that the sleeping pills that he had bought from his friend were crazy psychedelics of some sort and was set into the trip of his life. A mysterious thousand-eyed creature appeared in front of him and condemned him to an eternity of being read his sins. I, like Freck, lay on my bed, my mind going a million miles per second, while time seemed to crawl. Although there was no thousand-eyed creature reading me my sins, there might as well have been, as my mind wandered forever and ceaselessly and it seemed like it would never stop. I had experienced this before, of course, as I had tripped multiple times, but this was the first time ever by myself, with no reality checks or friends to feel comfortable with, and it was just so incredibly intense, which only seemed to get more and more intense by the second. I looked over to the clock.

12:10AM. Only 10 fucking minutes had passed since when I saw the clock to be midnight. Although I knew that in a few hours time my trip would subside, I felt the same as Freck, condemned to an eternity of, well, ultra-intense mental tripping. Nothing that I thought about, or any position I was in, was comfortable and I was definitely not in control. I got up to adjust the thermostat to give myself a feeling of having some control, and then somehow decided to walk to my parents room and I just fell face forward into their crazy 'as-seen-on-TV' NASA-foam bed (only my mom was in it). It felt extremely comfortable for a second before I began tripping out over why the fuck I put myself into a situation in which I would have to talk to my mom while I was balls-tripping. So I somehow managed to get myself out of that situation without undue alarm and back in my room.

It was about 12:30AM when I checked the clock again. I lay in my bed, sweating like crazy, my mind was still overloading. Seeing the time had helped me keep myself in check, though only for a second. At this point, the trip still was intensifying at a rate that seemed unbound by time.

I don't know what time it was when it happened, but I became one with the Void. I was no longer attached to my human body, though at the same time I knew that I was. I could not fight the intensity of the trip, and I quickly questioned why I fought it in the first place, so I finally gave in.
I don't know what time it was when it happened, but I became one with the Void. I was no longer attached to my human body, though at the same time I knew that I was. I could not fight the intensity of the trip, and I quickly questioned why I fought it in the first place, so I finally gave in.
I let it all come to me, and I did not try to direct my thoughts or control it in any way, and I just felt the most intense energy coursing through my metaphysical system. It was not pleasant at this point, nor was it unpleasant. My trip had gone from the fundamental introspective questions of 'who am I?', to 'what am I?', to 'I', and finally the Void, of which I slipped in and out of.

The Void I can only describe as the state of nonexistence. I did not and could not comprehend it, because when I was a part of it, I was not thinking, nor feeling. I only slipped in and out of the Void, but it has left me in awe. By this time, it was about 1:30AM or so. This is probably where I peaked but was only the beginning of a series of crazy revelations.

Having realized the importance of balance months ago, I had the incredible, yet obvious revelation (at about 2AM I want to say) that I must apply the same concept with myself. I was all mind and no matter. I was all idea and no action. I needed to balance myself and convert my potential into reality. Though many would consider me to be very intelligent, I was in a place in my life in which my attitude was 'fuck it' and it had caused me to fail at many things, including school. I finally realized last night that I have so much fucking potential, but I was just too lazy and self-loathing to see it. Now that I know this, I will work hard to better myself in this way.

A second completely awesome revelation was that I finally realized my love for this girl that I had met in the past few turbulent months of my life. We had met completely by chance; I was skipping a class, ironically. And our relationship was what actually spawned the turbulence, as it turned out there was an immediate and intense attraction between us two, and we connected on a level that I never experienced before.

At about 5:30AM, the trip had largely subsided (though I was still tripping and couldn't sleep), I began writing this experience as I tried to think out the course of the night and my realizations about her/love, leading up to now.

I hope what I have written is coherent, and I thank you for reading about my trip, my problems, and solutions. It is not an experience that I would like to repeat, but I am so incredibly glad that I had partaken in. I had planned to 'figure some stuff out' but I was in no way prepared for just how much 'stuff' I was about to figure out. In essence, to sum it all up: super-intense, the Void, balance, self improvement, love; changed my life.

Peace.

Exp Year: 2008ExpID: 72085
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Mar 20, 2023Views: 1,653
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Psilocybin (239) : Difficult Experiences (5), Glowing Experiences (4), Mystical Experiences (9), Relationships (44), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Alone (16)

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