DOSE:			Opioids	(pill / tablet)
		IV	Morphine

BODY WEIGHT:

150 lb

Perhaps I am a little bit different. I never bought drugs off the street. I have never crushed, chewed, snorted or mainlined anything in my life. The handful of times I smoked pot were actually to curb the extreme nausea and pain when my medications failed me, and even then it was done in reserve. No more then two hits, mostly one just to find relief from my symptoms.

I have been on and off (mostly on) opiate pain medications for the better part of five years now. My back is a mess for the rest of my life from a fall in the Air Force and now as a disabled veteran, I am also having problems with my bladder – which are in a nutshell excruciating.

It amazes me that people want to take these pills, that they want to put this poison in their bodies in the first place. I always hear about the high – that great buzz, that moment of euphoria when the world rolls back her pressures and one is finally free for a few moments. I have never felt these things.

I am one of the unlucky who developed depression.

Fortunately, I am stubborn and though suicide does surface in my mind, I am too willful to give in to it.

Pain medications are one of my few choices at being able to live life. I developed an allergy to Tylenol and from constant high use, NSAIDs have torn apart my body and I am unable to use them at this time. Maybe forever. I have been on almost everything out there except the really strong at home forms of morphine and some other higher ups. I have had all the “sought after” prescribed ones, the OxyContin, Oxycodone by itself, Vicodin, Norco, Demerol, Tramadol, Loratab and probably others that I can’t remember. I have had numerous morphine injections and all I can say is – how can anyone like that rush? I feel like my skin wants to crawl off and go hide in the corner for a while.

It's not worth trying. I am on it legally and all I want is for a moment away from it. If I had known five years ago that I would feel this desperate and alone on these medications which are supposed to help me, I never would have started out on them. Pain patients have the same withdrawals. We have that same pain, and we do feel that constant craving for more.

Opiates are not fun – they are not enlightening. And they are addictive.

Exp Year: 2003	ExpID: 72092
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Nov 10, 2016	Views: 1,196
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Opiates (207), Opioids (407) : Unknown Context (20), Retrospective / Summary (11)