Mushrooms - P. cubensis
Citation: Intrepid Traveler. "Above All Else, We Cannot Fully Understand: An Experience with Mushrooms - P. cubensis (exp72690)". Erowid.org. Oct 31, 2012. erowid.org/exp/72690
With Thanksgiving break finally cutting through the bustle of everyday school life, the night I’d been anticipating for three months was looming. A little nervous, I will admit, although this was my third experience with cubensis. Never before had I taken over two grams, not to even begin mentioning four.
My friend arrived at 9:00 ish. We went downstairs and started watching Shaun of the Dead; a humorous movie would help break the ice. Around eleven, we felt quite confident my parents were sound asleep, so we turn the movie off and I began chewing them up. (I actually sorta like the taste! But most people find it very discouraging) I finally swallowed the remains and waited…no turning back from the single most life-changing life of my teenage years.
We were simply sitting there making jokes, talking about school, etc. Not five minutes had passed before I made some dumb crack about how “not” is an adverb, because it describes an action by stating it does NOT exist. I lost it; started laughing hysterically. As I gazed up at the ceiling, I realized it was here. The light bulbs reminded me of a giant face, the clock being the nose and TV a big, gaping mouth.
As my ranting became louder and crazier, my friend dragged us into the sauna until I could calm down. It had been twenty minutes after I ate the mushrooms. We started talking about deep topics, religion being a large hit. And at first I didn’t notice, but then I realized that the wood grain was gently waving. Excited, I turned to him to talk about how the waves represented the large oceans of trees that once owned this earth. But I was shocked to see his eyes glowing bright blue. Startled, I really wanted to get out of the sauna and into a more open space.
Thirty minutes after, we found ourselves watching Howie B vids and Demitri Martin. The Howie B videos took their toll on my emotions, so I asked my friend if he’d be willing to just hear me out in silence. I closed my eyes and embarked on a journey through the “city within my mind”. Literally, I saw skyscrapers towering over a beautiful ocean shoreline. The sun was slowly setting and casting beautiful contrasted shadows across the city. In the center was a huge geometric wonder with orbiting rings and sponge-like holes. Each of its pores led to a deep purple, blue, red swirling maze. (I realize now that this visual and many of the proceeding were the Mandelbrot-like patterns of the brain’s generative cortex, visible during psychedelic trips)
As I got closer, I suddenly felt like I was being sucked into it uncontrollably. I sank into it and began falling through a swirl of emotion, sound, taste, absolutely every sense I had ever felt. As I came out the other side, this mass of confusion was focused into a constant repeating beat (almost like music!) of not only sound, but emotion. (very difficult to describe) This kept the tempo of my roller coaster ride through the dimensional expanse I would soon discover. I was met with a forest of “perspectives”. The whole view was actually a hierarchy of similar thoughts and feelings between every human being’s perspectives on earth (I was viewing everybody’s “inner infinity” described in Buddhism). Yet I was in aw at the vastness of the sky above this alien landscape. I ultimately interpreted this as “God”. Not as an entity, but a completely benevolent, infinite power above all else, that we could never fully grasp.
At this point, in the midst of all my jiberish rambling, I heard a voice. It said “You have the choice to leave all you have lived behind and stay here forever, but I know you wont, not yet, you are still too scared”. Then I looked back at my friend and lost it. I broke out in tears and bawled like I never had before in my life. I loved my family, and I loved my friend. I couldn’t just abandon him!
I began freefalling through the hierarchy of perspectives until I landed back in mine. Yet I was still aware of the boundaries of my perspective, and had a sense of location with the previous landscape I had just left, the hierarchy of other people’s perspectives. My friend helped me to the bathroom to wash my face off, and then the beating music I mentioned earlier began to subside. I looked at the clock. Two hours form the start. I got back into the main room, and my friend tried to get to sleep. But I was scared!
I felt a paralyzing confusion about the world. Why? There was no specific question I had, but I felt like a foreigner of my previous life! I didn’t feel comfortable in my own body anymore, almost awkward. I felt like I no longer understood how to live my previous life, ignorant of what lies beyond. In an attempt to begin relearning my life, (and I know this sounds silly) I opened the DVD menu for Saun of the Dead and tried to re-understand the concept of shallow pleasure in watching the movie. After literally interpreting this screen like an Egyptologist examines hieroglyphs, I realized that this was an inevitable result of the mushrooms, and in an hour I would be re-integrated with my original life. So I waited patiently.
The comedown was very pleasant for me. (Most people feel the opposite). Every fifteen minutes or so, I felt an element of the confusion subside. I began “understanding how to be of our dimensional world” more and more. This was a very happy reassurance that I would return to normal, so I crawled into bed.
Euphoria overwhelmed me. I was all the way back, back from a journey of a lifetime, and my eyes began feeling heavy. I said to my friend “I’m back, and I’m back because of you.” Then my eyelids dropped, and I lived the first night of my life knowing what lies on the other side.
I woke up with a mild headache. I cooked up some pancakes and reviewed some of the events of the night with my friend. Two weeks later, we learn about various eastern religions, and I instantly realized that what I had gone through was very similar to the elevation of the chakras and all that.
To this day, I do not have any nervous feeling regarding death. I am completely tolerant of all people and religions.
I swear, what I endured was almost identical to what we learned regarding eastern religions’ concept of infinity. I had never even heard of this concept before my trip.
And on a personal note, I don’t believe in hell, nor heaven. But I do believe in a state where our mind is freed of our four dimensional world at death. Everyone else continues to see our physical body decompose, but the spirit no longer takes part in this pattern. No longer being part of time, I like to think we are transported to a land of balance. Balance between joy and misery, and so much more.
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