Citation: narcoticblur. "Miracle Cure and Hellish Nightmare: An Experience with Buprenorphine & Naloxone (Suboxone) (exp73041)". Erowid.org. Apr 23, 2016. erowid.org/exp/73041
I had been using opiates, as well as other pharms since roughly 1997, but I hit full swing heroin addiction by about the end of 2003. I didn't have much of a desire for living so it just seemed like a pleasant way to go out. However, as many former/current opiate addicts can tell you, most people don't die; they instead end up living in (or through) hell.
Eventually, of course, the drugs stopped working. Chipping wasn't working because I was too deeply caught up in the cycle to take any days off. After getting sepsis and almost dying in the hospital I thought about giving up.
It took me three rehabs in about 4 months to try to get clean. The aftermath was horrible. I don't think I was able to move for almost three months. Nothing seemed to matter but then again I wasn't in the best situation to begin with. I eventually said 'forget it' and got back on pills in under 6 months.
I was able to keep myself from intensive abuse for roughly 9 months or so but when buying Vicodin online became a pretty risky gamble I ended up having to turn to street dealers who only had Oxy. Eventually one of these dealers became a close friend, and when he lost his life during an altercation with police over outstanding warrants, I decided I was really going to get clean.
Suboxone is a miracle cure without a doubt. It didn't seem to work for me in rehab but I was also coming off Methadone, Klonopin, and heroin. When I decided to give up 'for good' in March of 2006, Suboxone took care of all my cravings and allowed me to focus on my life. I was able to remember who I was before I destroyed myself. I slowly regained my self esteem, recognized my anxiety and depression were significantly adding to my addiction issues, and eventually became comfortable with who I am.
I slowly regained my self esteem, recognized my anxiety and depression were significantly adding to my addiction issues, and eventually became comfortable with who I am.
I didn't really have the desire to do any drugs because I'd seen how far I'd fallen before.
Then I decided I wanted to start tapering off, so I could be substance free (I also couldn't afford the pills anymore without insurance). Didn't seem like it would be too hard because Suboxone didn't feel like much more than Tylenol 3's to me.
The first 6mg taper (from 24 to 18) was what I would expect out of low grade withdrawal but I could still work and what have you. However, the next 2mgs (tapered about 6 months later) were pure hell for about 14 days! I couldn't understand it! How was such a small dose causing racing thoughts, suicidal behavior, sweats, lack of sleep, everything that dope caused (and worse)? I thought this was a safer alternative to Methadone?
This 2mg scare left me not wanting to deal with it. But upon losing a job soon thereafter for no reason I thought, 'Good a time as any other time to try to move down again', and again I was quite wrong. This time it was serious hell. It, again, was not just the pain of opiate withdrawal, it was my brain feeling like it was coming unravelled as well. After 14-16 days I could lift my head again albeit slowly and carefully.
This left me with 8mgs to go. I thought I'd had to deal with it before so what's the big deal? I can handle this again. But I couldn't.
I got in a car accident and needed pain meds which I thought would be a good time to finally get off the Suboxone. I figured if I had less strong meds (Vicodin) I could jump from the Sub to that and then be sober. However, the Suboxone is SO strong that even once it wore off I was taking massive amount of painkillers to deal with the pain and concurrent withdrawal. Nothing was making it better. I gave up after three weeks of trying to step down on the Vicodin and went back to 8mgs of Suboxone. Right as rain. No sweats, no chills, no stomach problems, just an itty bitty headache.
And there kids is the problem! Yeah, it'll solve your dope issue for the time being. It will allow you to get your life together. But you could end up like me, married to a person who has never seen this stuff before, happy and stable but suddenly experiencing an event 'out of time'. I'm going through withdrawal I should have gone through years ago... and now I have to do it in front of someone who doesn't deserve to live through this hell.
I recently got a severe tooth infection and was prescribed Morphine and am now coming off of that (as opposed to Suboxone), not unlike the car accident time, because the withdrawal is less severe. No racing thoughts, no wanting to off myself, just the typical going to bathroom frequently and wishing the pain would stop. I'm trying to hold in there but it's so hard to not go back to the Sub and just cure all this b.s.
I know this is going to whoop my ass and I probably won't be able to put one foot in front of the other for a while, (and I don't know how I'm going to do that with work), but I just want to say if you're thinking about taking Suboxone... try to take it for a short period (maybe 8-10 weeks) and then get off it and some counseling. 2mgs of this drug is strong. Don't get stuck taking 20 some mgs for a couple years and then find yourself back in hell once you've thought you had everything licked.
Be safe and I wish all of you who have struggled with this good luck.
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