Citation: Kcaz. "Broken Memories: An Experience with Salvia divinorum (exp73474)". Erowid.org. May 15, 2017. erowid.org/exp/73474
Broken Memories of a Salvia Experience
My second experience with 21x salvia divinorum (and my fifth experience ever) was the first that I would truly describe as hallucinogenic. The extreme effects were probably because of the large dose I used.
Previously I had used 5x salvia, which had given me an extreme head rush, followed by uncontrollable laughter, and then an uncomfortable physical sensation (not pain, just an inability to be comfortable if that makes any sense), and then extreme panic which wore off in about 15 minutes. I hadn’t experienced any visuals whatsoever.
My first experience with the 21x introduced to me something which I have come to know as “seeing with my sense of touch.” I was lying on my bed and began to “feel” everything around me, but not as though I was touching it all, rather that I was seeing it all, but not with my sense of sight, with my sense of touch, as if that sense had been expanded to include images. With this sense, I “saw” everything around me rolling backwards, and then felt my consciousness roll backwards too, though my actual sense of sight remained unchanged. That had been with approximately 1/10 of a vial (I have no idea how many mg that would be).
But none of those experiences compare even remotely to my second experience with 21x salvia. Having had interesting experiences in the past, I decided to record a video of myself tripping this time. I have two monitors on my computer, and I distinctly remember that the web cam program was on the right monitor. Initially, I was intending to narrate my experience to the viewer of the video, but the resultant video had little in terms of competent narration aside from the words “I’m about to do something very brave or very stupid” moments before filling the bowl of my home made bong (the bowl was a trumpet mouth piece, and I filled it to the brim).
Now I remember looking at the left monitor as I took the hit. I took the entire contents of the bowl in one hit, and held it in. Within seconds, began to feel my vision vibrating. This was the first time that my sense of sight had actually been affected by salvia. At this point, I was still coherent enough to comprehend the fact that I was getting visuals for the first time, and smiled to the camera as I exhaled. I looked from my left monitor over to my right, though my vision took a few seconds to catch up with my eyes, and then found myself staring at myself being recorded by the web cam. I distinctly remember the feeling of discomfort from my first 5x trip returning, followed by an outside voice telling me to stop resisting the trip, and then a feeling of relief and relaxation as I complied with the voice’s request. After that, my memory goes blank for a while.
I remember concepts I picked up on my trip, as well as a few images to go along with them, but I don’t remember the trip having any linear structure. I remember knowing that outside forces were controlling my life and what I experienced, and that I had previously always done things exactly as these outside entities had intended. For example, while not on salvia, I would look to the right, and then the entities would be sure that whatever was to the right was exactly where it was when I had last looked there, though they were constantly shifting things around for their own purposes. Since they knew every action I was going to take, they could make sure everything was in the right place at the right time, so that the illusion of reality they had created for me could go uninterrupted. On salvia, I remember breaking out of their script for me and leaving the “set” that was my room. I don’t remember exactly how I left, but I have a clear image in my mind of the entities opening up little doors on my walls in order to put items into the set and take them out, though again, I can’t remember exactly what those items were. I also remember that none of the entities seemed to notice that I was there. I don’t remember where this whole concept was explained to me, I just remember understanding it for the duration of my trip (though by this time I had forgotten that my hallucinations had had anything to do with a drug. I truly believed that the entities and images I was seeing were completely, 100% real).
I don’t remember exactly what I saw when I left the “real world.” I remember that the physical limits of our world didn’t exist outside. I remember seeing a row of children’s books I had read in the past, all of which contained obvious references to the entities I was encountering, but references that had gone completely unnoticed in the past (and again I can’t remember specifics, like what books I was looking at or what exactly it was inside the books that referenced these entities).
I remember being overwhelmed at the strangeness of the outside world, and being told to relax and go with it, and that it was all normal by the outside voice. As I experienced more and more of the trip, the earlier pieces began to fade from my memory, and soon I was in the middle of a very strange world with no idea how I had gotten there. Struggling to comprehend what was happening, I became violent, and no longer willing to “just go with it” as the voice kept telling me to do. I remember for a moment glimpsing my computer screen, and then being pulled back to the strange world. Continuing to fight, I saw a flash of images before being thrust through an archway back to my room, where I found myself standing, staring at my bed, extremely light headed, looking around and honestly wondering just where the fuck I was now.
I knew that this place was extremely familiar, like a place from ages past, but something told me that I did not want to return to this place, so I turned around to go back through the archway, only to find that it was no longer there. Confused as to why, after moving through so many landscapes and images so quickly, everything had become so stable, I went over to my bed and instinctively laid myself down, not really sure why I knew to lie on this thing, but also not really giving it much thought. My dog was lying next to my bed, and somehow I knew to reach over and pet him, almost as though I was trying to remind myself where I was by going about activities that I would normally go about. I put my head back on the pillow and stared towards my computer, terrified and confused.
It was then that I glimpsed the salvia vial sitting on my desk, and memories of the real world flooded back. I walked up to my desk to examine it closely, and then smiled and said out loud with extreme, genuine relief, “OHH! I USED THE SALVIA! OHHH!” It was then that I saw that I was still recording myself, and ended the video.
“OHH! I USED THE SALVIA! OHHH!” It was then that I saw that I was still recording myself, and ended the video.
Afterwards, the effects were similar to the discomfort I felt at the end of my first salvia trip, which wore off in about 30 minutes this time, after which I fell asleep and woke up the next day exactly as I had been the day before.
I’ve watched and re watched the video I took. In it, I can be seen smiling and exhaling, and then looking from my left to my right monitor, exactly as I remember. Right after that, my expression goes blank and my eyes seem to not be focused on anything in particular. I move my arms around, grabbing at things and touching everything around me (I have no memory of this whatsoever), I knock over my bong and quickly look over in the direction of the noise, but soon seem to forget what I’m looking for. I grab the camera for a second, and then let go and grab the shelf above my desk. Out loud I say “what?” followed by a pause and continuation of my blank expression, and then another, slightly more desperate sounding “wh-what?!” I turn around in my swivel chair and stand up, swaying back and forth, and grabbing onto things for support. The rest happens exactly as I described it.
The thing that really shocked me most though, was that all of that stuff that happened to me happened in about 3 minutes.
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