DOSE:

1 tablet

oral

MDMA

BODY WEIGHT:

130 lb

MDMA Marriage

I have had many spiritual experiences but only one like the one I will discuss now.

Since I was a young teen I have always been open to experimenting with drugs. I tried marijuana, LSD, mushrooms, and a variety of other less effective and much more destructive substances as well. But the drug that worked best for me was MDMA.

I had taken MDMA a handful of times up to the point of my incredible experience. All of these preceding experiences were varying shades of terrific. But I had never taken the drug with a boyfriend, it was always taken with platonic friends. I feel sharing this wonderful drug alone with someone I truly loved was the catalyst that made this experience so special.

My boyfriend, David, had very little experience with drugs. He had used marijuana a couple of times but that was it besides alcohol use. It took me a couple of years to convince him MDMA may be something he'd like to try at some point.

We each took one pill and layed down side by side on our living room floor. There was soft Joni Mitchell music playing and we lay there quiet for a while. I soon began feeling the effects of the drug. I was beginning to talk with a fluidity about insights into my life that I had never thought of before. Warm and glowy vibrations began to rumble across and through my body. This feeling always reminds me of an organic electrical sweater. I began to see mild but spellbinding hallucinations.

The whole time I had been talking to David I had been staring at the ceiling. Kaleidoscope rainbow images drew tracers with the slightest movement of my eyes. With the visions I was seeing and the stream of consciousness flowing from my mouth I had been sorting through a lifetime of serious hang-ups. I was calmly and quietly deconstructing all of the super sad aspects of myself. I casually turned to say something to David and when I did, we were face to face. My nose was maybe an inch or two from his, but this measurement was only in the waking world. In my drug state I saw the truth. I saw that our noses were so close together that we were inside each other and at the same time I felt he was somewhere in space. Still very much connected to me. This created a tangible flowing link between our faces. We were connected. We were communicating. From the outside looking in it seemed that we were just smiling idiots staring into each others eyes. But from within our minds we were melding together, and not for the first time. We experienced a deep understanding of how we had met before we were born and planned to find each other. I told him how I had been constantly waiting for our relationship to end. We had been together for three years and each day I was surprised we hadn't broken up. I couldn't ever admit this thought to him or myself before. I liked him and even loved him, but was convinced that we had too little in common. That's what I secretly told myself, but MDMA helped me realize that I had been sabotaging loving relationships with men because growing up I didn't know my real father until much later in life and my first step father was very abusive and killed himself when I was 10.

This MDMA experience was so much more than I can explain. When David and I were connected staring at each other it felt and looked as if there was a tunnel of water connecting us. Like that water creature in that movie 'The Abyss'. All the time we were mending each other and communicating it was like the thing that connected everything in the universe was plugged into us or maybe just holding our hand. I think this is what some people think God is.

I had experienced this feeling of the presence of 'God' many times with drugs and once when I was at the birth of my niece. But this time it was mine. It was ours. It was specifically for David and I. It is the thought that puts me at ease when I am upset. It is the memory I refer to when I feel I have lost perspective. It is the moment David and I were 'married'.

The frustrating thing about spiritual experiences is that a million poets couldn't explain your ecstatic experience yet you are the only one who can explain and must explain. David and I have been together 8 years now. I left a billion things out.

Exp Year: 2004	ExpID: 74009
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Nov 7, 2019	Views: 682
[ View PDF (to print) ] [ View LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Swap Dark/Light ]
MDMA (3) : Relationships (44), Glowing Experiences (4), Small Group (2-9) (17)