DOSE:

1/4 bowl

smoked

Salvia divinorum

(extract - 5x)

BODY WEIGHT:

175 lb

RETROSPECTIVE SUMMARY:
I packed roughly 1/4 to 1/3 of a bowl (bubbler) of 'Purple Sticky Salvia 20 atomic X (equivalent to Standardized 5x, apparently)'. I torched it (butane torch lighter) and held the hit in for 30 seconds total. At about 20 seconds, I felt the creepy Salvia vibes creeping up on me. By 30, I removed the piece from my mouth and felt my center of gravity and my existence fall through a series of emerging, zooming squares in the window screen into the dark abyss of night. By custom, I still felt that there was plant material to burn, so I attempted to torch whatever was left in the piece. In the middle of holding the 2nd hit (I forgot that I was supposed to count at this point and time was irrelevant), I forgot what I was doing. Reality did not exist as it should. I wasn't sure how to exhale or if I should inhale to breathe, or what the next biological step should be in general.

I was in a semi-crouched position while I was doing this, so I decided to stand up. At that moment, the strongest effects floored me. My ego fractured and split into two, leaving me with a 2nd person perspective on my existence (not 3rd person, I was like a second head on my own body trying to compete for control of it); I felt that I was observing myself and that I was my own 'shadow'. I was still standing with my piece, knowing that I should put it immediately in the drawer to avoid awkward conversation with anyone who might enter the room. I knew this, but I forgot how to do it; I was far removed from any ordinary perception of reality. My desk before me seemed to be a living entity and it was telepathically telling me to PUT THE PIECE DOWN and trying to instruct me on how to do it. I felt the energy of the universe and gravity flow through my existence and my body, which seemed to tell me that I'm the final puzzle piece of a nearly finished puzzle board; perhaps it was the table that was making me aware of this, because it would not stop staring me down with its omnipresent intellectual silence; it was also very purple and green and fuzzy with 'Salvia texture', which is the best I can describe it. I was still holding the piece and it was difficult for me to understand how to operate my body, the tiniest muscle movements required great thought to execute correctly and in the correct order to achieve a particular action (moving to the left, navigating a chair). I finally managed to scrap together some basic reflexes to coordinate what I wanted to do.

At this point, I was finally able to move the 2 feet distance from my window to my desk drawer and gently put my piece down in it. Then I still wasn't sure how to proceed. Every step of the way, I was living the life of the shadow of my sober self, trying to make sense of the paranormal, sub-human-instinct universe in which I was submerged. Any time I thought of something to do, my sober body and gravity would pull me in that direction, but my current mind could not comprehend it and resisted it. I tried to come up with a justification for it and think it through in my subconscious-shadow realm, which was extremely difficult as normal (base-line) thought was impossible. This trip was FAR more 'physical' than any other I have known, with a very minute (if at all) visual component. My entire sense of reality wasn't dampened, buzzed, or partially altered as is common with Cannabis; no comfortable barrier here. It wasn't dissolved, distorted (morphing), or otherwise deepened as with Mushrooms; no ability to base-line-think either. This took my reality, put it in a blender (to rearrange every possible thing in the universe, perception wise), threw it back where it was and told me to live it. All manner of abstract and physical forces were at play and prevented me from operating my body (like a crane) in the correct way.

I did my best to put everything away, close the window, turn off the light, and sit on the bed for some music induced magic. This is where it all went even more contrary to my expectations. I soon realized that no matter what I do, I cannot be comfortable on this trip. There is no safe-zone. I put on some music, but it all seemed wrong and irrelevant to the experience; but in some strange way, there was no other option because nothing else was interesting. I forced myself to lie down and I got the full-blown psychic effect of Salvia. While listening to music, or doing anything for that matter, it is REALLY hard to focus on 'the little things' and be very thorough in analyzing anything. The experience is really distracting and overwhelming. The 'visuals' were physical perceptions and were mercilessly critical of my existence and my personality. It's a rough roller-coaster ride of blossoming black holes and blunt realities. I thought about various aspects of my life and tried to seek answers to many questions; some of those have been subconsciously answered, while answers to other basic life decisions (on a very basic level, like holding doors for other people type things) present themselves in the day after as I write this.

While lying down, I was never comfortable. Much emphasis on that. I perceived a force, like the drainage plug removed at the bottom of a swimming pool (a whirlpool, essentially), form in front of me (as I held my eyes closed and listened to music) and keep folding into and out of itself. The 'physical' sensations were ridiculous and at times unbearable, leading to thinking that I had died or was in the process of dying. It's hard to recall all the abstract feelings, thoughts, and sensations I experienced during that time.

I got bored of music after listening (and prematurely ending) about 5-7 songs, which ranged from super happy and upbeat to very chill and pleasant. None of them satisfied me, although influenced the 'physical sensations' quite a lot and this is where the majority of the 'psychedelic' goodness occurred. When I finally took off my headphones, I heard rain drops falling on the roof of my house. The sound of each raindrop felt like a knife jab intrusion into my existence, which annoyed me and made me uncomfortable.

I decided at this time that I should brush my teeth and get to bed, it had been about 15 to 30 minutes since all of this started. I managed to control myself correctly for the most part, but when I closed my eyes I would still feel the physical sensations and start going off into another realm. This mostly quieted down over the course of the next 30 minutes which brought me as close to base-line as I could get, before I couldn't help falling asleep.

CONCLUSION:
The Salvia trip felt like an intrusion into my world that I couldn't resist or stop once I had opened the flood-gates of the doors of perception. This particular trip was not pleasant or enlightening in the classic psychedelic sense, but had some meaning and purpose (which I'm still trying to come to terms with the following day). I am fairly experienced in the different states of consciousness, and thus when everything went to shit, I maintained a positive outlook and didn't spiral into negative thought patterns. Regardless, Salvia was not forgiving and the 'trip' was led (forced on me) predominantly by either a higher-power, my subconscious, or the chemical effects of the drug itself.

Exp Year: 2008	ExpID: 74622
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Jun 21, 2021	Views: 504
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Salvia divinorum (44) : First Times (2), Difficult Experiences (5), Mystical Experiences (9), Alone (16)