Citation: Silentspring. "The Blue Wave and Love: An Experience with Oxycodone, Clonazepam & Zolpidem (exp74997)". Erowid.org. Feb 9, 2018. erowid.org/exp/74997
I nearly rode the white horse into the ground. Thanks to my friends, that was a long time ago and I have given up the dope and the needle forever. I am only 18 but I feel as convicted as an 18-year-old can that I will never stick a needle in my arm again.
Since moving here with my boyfriend, though, him and I get high on roxicodone about once every week or two. It is a pretty standardized ritual for us, but I had a particularly shimmering experience the other night and wanted to share.
T +0:00 I am pretty relaxed but excited for these pills. I have had an okay day, and don't feel too stressed out. D and I have nothing to do all evening or all the next day. We crush up one blue 30mg each and snort. It feels good going up with a negligible aftertaste and an anticipatory rush in the chest. It is around 10:00 pm. We go out on the porch to smoke a cigarette. I am rapidly rising; I have not done any opiates in more than a week and the warmth begins to drip over me. The cigarette is menthol and it is especially good as I come up.
T +1:00 Me and D are laying in my bed talking to eachother about our pasts. This is what we do nearly every time we 'do this', i.e. when we get floored on opiates just the two of us. I feel warm and safe with him and my eyes drift close if I stop paying attention. Having my back rubbed feels wonderful. I feel empathetic and feel like I am blossoming, like a dopey night-flower, into openness. I feel at ease with admitting things that scare me and doubts and fears in my life, even if they wouldn't have been easy to talk about earlier that day. Cigarettes taste wonderful and I smoke 2 or 3 every time we go out on the porch. I talk alot, but not too fast, about life and death and my fears that my grandparents will die feeling unloved by me, their only grandchild.
T +2:00 Sex is wonderful and I feel so much love in it. Stimulation is definitely up and though I have a screamin O it doesn't really touch my opiate high. Me and D go back out to the kitchen to crush up another 30 each. We go to smoke again. Around my second cigarette my eyes begin to droop and I experience a kaleidescopic head rush of my receptors kickkickkicking, conquer a surge of uncertain nausea when I stand up and begin nodding out once we get back into the bed.
T +2:30 I feel so very good, a warm quiet like a glowing ocean in my torso. I have a little bit of trouble concentrating on anything at all but I am prescient if I need to be and can be understood and can understand others.
T +3:00 I am comfortabe and safe in D's arms and I close my eyes to conversations with people who are far away; I feel I am at a birthday party singing, or that D and I are walking along a highway. I pick flowers in the realms of my river of helplessly feeling so good.Meanwhile D and I are whispering sweet things to eachother and I am filled with love. I feel wonderful albeit a bit nauseous. I feel touchy and friendly and concerned in my bliss about D's feelings. He is feeling great, he says. We think we should tell eachother we love one another no matter what, every day, before we go to bed. Every time I close my eyes I hardly think but experience beautiful mind colors and visions and melting softness.
T +4:00 I am still drifting on the soft river but I am coming down. Slowly, though, because at this time I take 1.5 mg of klonopin to mellow me out. I am thirsty but sip my water slowly to stave off the nausea. Every time I go out to smoke I can hardly keep my eyes open. I still feel a strong affinity to being touched and intense feelings of affection and appreciation.
T +5:00 It is approx 3 AM so D and I smoke more cigarettes and turn on Pandora on Lemongrass's radio station and lay down together. I still feel wonderfully connected with myself and D. I feel woozy and displaced from my brain but my good feelings are clear and not cloudy. I still feel utterly in love with the world and with my boyfriend. I start to come down and feel more nauseous and crave more oxy; unfortunately there is no more.
T +6:00 I am nearly fully down and get more nauseous. We are prepared, though, and I have prepared some Ambien (zolpidem) from my prescription to help us fall asleep; we parachuted it (crushed it into fine powder and wrapped it up in individual tissues to swallow for faster action), 5 mg each: not too much as we've found that for me it increases my hangover.
T +8:30 I have slept for around 2-3 hours and it is now 6:41 in the morning when I wake up. I feel awful. I come down hard, though; not everyone does. I am v. dehydrated but water makes me nauseous so I take another 5mg zolpidem parachuted, 1mg klonopin and a Zofran (anti-nausea prescription pill, I highly recommend it for comedown) and pass out.
T +10:00 I am awake now. I still am hungover, nauseous, take some Advil and it helps and don't eat until that evening. I crave more and I feel like shit but underneath my hangover I am still basking in the glow of my opiate high with the love of my life.
For us opiates are sort of like couples therapy and rehab in one. Not for everyone. But it can bring out beautiful things in one in moderation. Above that, though...it is the ugliest soul sucker money can buy.
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