Citation: Bag Head. "Awesome High, Awesome Low: An Experience with MDMA (Ecstasy) & Cannabis (exp75110)". Erowid.org. Jul 7, 2010. erowid.org/exp/75110
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I had taken ecstasy on many occasions before, in moderation. I feel the need to share this particular experience to outline the physical and psychological effects of over indulgence in the drug. It is difficult to describe in words, but the experience was not only one of the best times of my life, it was also the worst.
It was a perfect day just at the end of the summer, and I was sat with my friends where we were camped at a music festival. I had just bought three ecstasy pills from my friend which were shaped like love hearts. I had taken this variety of pills before, and really wanted to take them again as they gave me an awesome buzz.
At 2pm, me and two friends decided to take a pill each as we were going to watch one of our favorite bands and thought the ecstasy would enhance our enjoyment of the music. After about half an hour, still sat at camp with around fifteen people, I started to feel the familiar uneasiness that came as I began to ‘come up’. I began to feel extremely hot and restless, so I lay on the grass and looked up at the sky for a while to relax myself and cool off. A cool breeze seemed to waft over my body and in an instant the uneasy feeling disappeared and the loud music which was playing all around engulfed me and I had an over whelming urge to hug people and tell everyone who would listen how amazing I felt. It was like I was going to burst with joy and the only way to relieve the pressure was to breathe a loud orgasmic sigh.
I noticed that my friends had huge grins on their faces which assured me that they were buzzing too, so we set off to see the band. Walking to the arena, we were walking extremely fast almost to the point of jogging, as this seemed the only pace we were able to function at. In our haste, we bumped into a man who was walking in the opposite direction, almost knocking him to the floor. After our initial concern that we had hurt him, he jumped up and hugged all three of us, and informed us that he was also ‘pilling his rocker off’ and wished us all the best. After that, we decided to spread our lust for life to everyone we saw and embraced everyone we passed.
By the time we arrived to see the band, the effects of the first pill was starting to wear off so we took another each and snaked our way to the centre of the crowd. As the band started to play, it felt as though the music was raining down on me, and as each drop landed on my head, shivers ran right down my spine and to my feet, which made me scream with pleasure. Everyone around me was smiling and dancing, and I just wanted to get close to them all, so I began to work my way around the crowd, systematically throwing my arms around and dancing with everyone I saw.
The day continued in this way, and by sunset I had taken the final pill and purchased four more from a stranger, which I am aware can be very dangerous, but my inhibitions had practically all disappeared and as the pills wore off I felt a strong hunger to take more. I was told that the pills I had purchased were not as pure as the ones I had originally taken, and were cut with amphetamine, but I really didn’t care. After the bands had finished playing we went to a dance tent and took another pill. The urge to dance was still extremely strong and we danced for what seemed like forever. I had taken the rest of the pills by the time the music stopped, at around 4am, and even though we were dropped into a sudden silence, continued to dance as if it was impossible to stop.
We then made our way to an open air DJ set and continued to dance to thumping music. Here I took one last pill given to me by my friend. Everyone there was clearly on drugs, and when it started to rain, a loud cheer rose into the air as I think everyone was grateful for the cooling off. I remember thinking that I never wanted the night to end, as it had been one of the most amazing days of my life. The rain became really heavy and I noticed it was now morning. At 8am I felt a sudden chill and decided it was time to retire to my tent to try and get some sleep. I was with my boyfriend, who had taken about the same amount of pills as me, and he agreed it was time to go.
Back at the tent, changing out of my soaking clothes into dry and comfortable clothes was the most amazing feeling. We were both feeling wide awake and quite jittery so my boyfriend rolled a strong joint to help us to relax a little. I started to feel myself coming down, which brought an extremely strong feeling of physical exhaustion. My mind was on overdrive, however, and I knew that without cannabis I would not be able to sleep.
Each toke of the joint felt amazing, like waves of pleasure and calm. However, this was not enough to send us to sleep so we just lay in the tent and waited for something to happen. I didn’t know what I was waiting for exactly, either waiting to fall asleep or waiting to wake up. I was in limbo and it was just a matter of time before the real come down set in, and I knew from previous experience, it was going to be hell.
As the come down set in, I began to feel more and more tense. My boyfriend tried to comfort me by stroking my hair and telling me to roll with the feelings I was having but it didn’t seem to help. The tent became more like a tomb to me and it began to close in on me. However, I was reluctant to leave the tent as I could hear people outside and I didn’t think I could face anyone. My heart was racing incredibly fast so I tried to breathe slowly and deeply to try and relax myself but it seemed to make me even more anxious.
Not only was the physical experience horrible, my mind seemed to be playing tricks on me too. Trying to find something to distract me, I tried reading a magazine, but the words seemed to be written in another language, the characters like nothing I had ever seen before. I gave up, and curled into the fetal position, but I couldn’t seem to switch off my mind. I had an overpowering feeling of guilt, and nothing in my life seemed to matter anymore. Everything I had ever achieved seemed worthless no matter how I looked at it, as it had all led to this moment. I was losing my mind, and the terrible sensations just got more and more intense. I actually felt like I was going to die. The memory of the amazing day I had before seemed distorted, and all the things I had done were forgotten.
It was around 2pm now, 24 hours after I took the first pill, and the sun was hot. I left the tent and sat in the sun, which brought a slight comfort, but there were hundreds of people around me and they were making me paranoid. I returned to the tent and just lay there for what seemed like hours, constantly evaluating my life in my head, but no matter how hard I tried, I could not imagine ever coming out from this introspective nightmare.
Finally, at around 7pm, I plucked up the courage to leave my tent and go to see a band play. I felt much better by this time although I was extremely tired as I had not yet slept. It was very comforting to be around my friends, and after the band played I returned to my tent and finally managed to get some sleep. I felt groggy the next day, but my mind had cleared and I was much happier.
The experience of that weekend has taught me many things about drug taking and my life in general. I have taken ecstasy since, but in moderation. This come down was particularly terrible because of the setting and the amount of the drug I took, but for every up there must be a down.
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