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Enlightened Stupid Guy
Amanita muscaria
Citation:   Nightmare. "Enlightened Stupid Guy: An Experience with Amanita muscaria (exp75249)". Jun 16, 2011.

      Tobacco - Cigarettes  
  3 caps oral Amanitas - A. muscaria (dried)
NOTE: Names of people in this story have been slightly altered for privacy.

I ordered my amanita muscaria mushrooms through the internet. I was a little skeptical at first because I wasn't sure if what I was about to ingest was deadly stuff or not. Then I did some research which reassured me.

The mushrooms were intimidating. I wanted to do them immediately but I had two full days of busy work ahead of me at the candy store I work at so I took a deep breath and remained patient.

During the time before my trip, I was feeling very good. I have been taking Zoloft for 10 years now (150 mgs) and so I was a little worried that maybe I just wasted my money and the zoloft would prevent any of the amanita effects. In preparation, I stopped taking my zoloft three days ahead of time. I know for a fact that there would still be some zoloft still working on me though.

The day arrived. It was a long day at work. I was hyper on candy, coffee, and cigarettes, eagerly waiting for my six hours of painful, ass crackling, thumb tapping, suspender snapping, pissed off day of work to end...Well it finally did and there I was, driving home thinking to myself 'Oh my god!'

I had read a lot about Amanitas before and that glorious, god- like, Super Mario / Alice In Wonderland, phallic of a psychedelic thingy was sitting in my house...It was sitting in a tin coffee can...Stinking of that dry shroomy smell...OH MY GOD!

TIME: 7:04 -- I call my friend, Ronny Donny, up and tell him 'I am gonna eat some these 'guys' that I ordered. ' In this phone conversation, I was feeling little giddy and before I knew it, found myself casually walking over to that coffee tin and opening up my bag of Amanita muscaria mushrooms. I took a bite. It actually tasted good! So while talking on the phone I ate it down...Then when I got off the phone I realized that I wanted my experience to be full force. A real banger! A death trip! Super Mario taking a bath! Alice crying! Carlos Castaneda dancing! Nick Nolte snapping his suspenders! Tommy Lee Jones' face melting off (you don't need to be on drugs to see that one!) 100% full regression back to the age of 15! (I am 20 now) ...I ate two more...Oh boy! Here we go! I just knew I was gonna trip balls! WOWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYEEEEEEEHAAAAAWWWWWWHEEELLLLLLYEEEEEAHH BABY! (Austin Powers/ ASS SLAP!)

7:21 -- I step outside and have a smoke. My attitude towards tripping out has now changed to something more serious. It was no longer something silly but I was actually starting to think that something major could come out of this...In many ways I was right. It was at this time when I noticed that the smoke coming out of my mouth was extra beautiful. It was smooth, and I realized that it was dancing. Within a couple of minutes I felt very happy. I knew something was going on. It was something slightly beyond a placebo effect. I knew this was the light beginning. I went inside my apartment and sat down on my couch.

7:27-- I begin to see the shadows in my living room take different 3 dimensional shapes. It was all very smooth and I felt relaxed. I looked down at a Pepsi can and got a huge gust of energy. I picked it up and jammed it in a coffee mug and then attached a string to it, climbed up on my coffee table, and hung that new born baby on my ceiling! As I stood on the coffee table, I felt like an invincible giant. 'This is awesome!' I said out loud! Then a whole slew of stupid thoughts turned on in my head. It was like I had one brain acknowledging these stupid thoughts and then the other brain was nothing but wrong, incoherent stupid thoughts that I would say 'HEY YEAH!' to.

7:43pm (ish)-- I feel great. I'm happy as hell that I'm tripping out and having fun. I start working on a sculpture. At this point, my friend, Betty Spaghetti, text messaged me asking if I was tripping. Eagerly I wrote back something like 'HELL YEA!' Then I had a strong urge to actually talk to Annika on the phone so I called her up. IT was soooo good hearing my friend, Betty Spaghetti. I told her how these semi-legal mushrooms were awesome and that I'm gonna buy more and blah blah blah.

7:50 (ish/MAYBE? Time was CRAZY on these things!) -- I step out into my apartment hallway. Everyone is standing outside of it, including my landlord. I didn't really care though. I felt confident. I talked to my neighbor a bit and then went outside to chain smoke more. At this time I talked to my friend, Ronny Donny, again and we decided to meet up for a walk.

8:00 (????) -- I get my nice winter sweater on, gloves, and head out for a one mile walk. Now this walk just flew by. I felt great! I came to a stop sign in front of Rudolph's Bar and looked at the people and thought to myself 'Well...These still are a horrible group of people but what the hell!' At this point I saw a bus drive by. It was a school bus but it was painted pink! I think it was real though!

8:10(?????) -- I find myself running down the street, running with nature, happy as hell, pain free! I had a huge smile on my face and I knew it! I smiled at passerby and felt like Jesus when he ordered Amanitas off of the internet. I began thinking about customers from my store and a joke about them trying to trade a Border's Rewards Card for a small bag of cheese caramel pop.

8:SomEthiNG?!?!?! -- I see Ronny Donny running towards me. I feel so much happiness build up inside of my arms and legs which were starting to feel really strange and loose. I pat Ronny Donny on the back and smile and we walk into a Walgreens to look at the goods they have to sell to fine, society contributing people like myself.

8 WALGREENS WORLD TIME -- Ronny Donny and I are having a ball. I feel so stupid and everything is hilarious at this point. My legs and arms were morphing around like spaghetti. It was insane! Then I realized I better play it cool and buy something. The best thing I could find was root beer...vanilla flavored A&W. I thought this was great because I never drink root beer! Soon I found myself laughing at this group of young guys who were joking around. One of them said 'You're already down on your head!' and then they all started laughing. 'What the hell does that mean?!' I asked Ronny Donny. He thought it was a different language. Then I started listening and laughing to the people in the aisle over. This is something I would normally do but this time their voices were in a sea of nothing. It was just their voices, no other sounds. Time had stopped and only their voices had existed. Then time started up again and I started laughing. I remember touching a shiny, disgusting, school folder in the aisle I was standing in and Ronny Donny pointed out the Canned Celebrity Ham from Italy that sat on the shelf in front of us. Again this was nothing new. I would have loved that whether or not I was on drugs. In fact I would have loved it even more if I weren't on Amanitas.

9 ish something? -- Ronny Donny and I step outside of Walgreens and then take a little walk. Everything I talk about at this point is just obvious stuff. I couldn't stop stating the obvious but I was for some reason (oh wait that reason is drugs) I was a little too blown away by the obvious.

9:30 -- Ronny Donny and I go to his dad's house. I start feeling awful and lay down on Ronny Donny's bed. My head is spinning. Ronny Donny doesn't like me being on his bed and I knew this so while he stood there awkwardly, not sure how to tell me to get off of his bed, I say 'Oh, I'll lay on the floor.' He thanked me and said that was okay. So I did that he went and made me some PMS tea. While he did this, I went into his bathroom and tried gagging up what I had consumed into his toilet...Nothing came out though.

9:45 -- Ronny Donny comes upstairs with the tea and a picture book of water to look at. This cheers me up and takes me out of the little hell that I am now spinning in. We begin to talk about how this is no normal trip and how it's stupid and it seems like I've just been poisoned and that's it.

10:00 pm--I get up and head home telling myself how this is so stupid. I look down and see the little bit of snow on the ground begin to morph around. I continue to talk about how stupid all of this is.

10:15pm -- YES! I see my apartment in the distance! It's about damn time! There is hope! I remember being so happy...Ready for this stupid trip to end and to go relax and get some sleep! BOY WAS I WRONG!


9:35 PM -- I feel so sick and I'm starting to worry that maybe what I ate was deadly, maybe I am dead, maybe I should go to the hospital and tell them I went to a little no-name Indian Restaurant that poisoned my Dal Soup! I HAD TO GET A HOLD OF MYSELF! I kept telling myself everything is gonna be alright! I decide to keep close eye on my clock to reassure myself that within a couple of hours, I will be better.

9:37 pm -- Minutes feel like hours. I lay on my couch listening to semi-relaxing music. At this point I'm twitching and sweating, my vision goes in and out of blurriness. I'm too sick to be scared. I just want it all to FUDGING end! I call up Betty Spaghetti and tell her how these mushrooms are nightmare mushrooms that make me stupid! (THIS I WILL COME BACK TO).

9:43pm -- I get into my shower... I'm a total slob. I can't stop drooling. I feel drunken but spinny and colors are flashing everywhere. I have almost no energy. I can barely stand up...But then I do. I just had to see what I looked like in the mirror. Funny ...I looked horrible but my pupils were not even dilated! I fall into the shower and curl up into a ball moaning to myself ...Then I closed my eyes and things got even crazier! It was like these giant marbles were rolling around in my head and bumping into each other every once in a while. Disturbing images and thoughts raced through my head. There was a tiny part of me that was able to say 'this is okay!' Then it happened! I SHRUNK! I shrunk and entered a different dimension with native women pressing their faces on me and technology and colors swirling all over the place! This went on forever! Then I felt water hitting my back and I realized I was back to my normal size. I kept my eyes closed and colors still moved around inside my head. The water was coming down on me so hard and at this point it felt like something just a little harsher than eating too much weed mixed with gallons of vodka/ Mousillini wrapping my brain up with wire and twirling it on the wheel of fortune spinny wheel thing. AYE AYE AYE! WHAT DID I TAKE?!?!?!?!?!?!!

10:00PM -- I lay down on my couch and turn on some music. I closed my eyes and entered that dimension again only this time it was brief and a little more peaceful. I had a bucket next to my couch but I could only dry heave. I continued to twitch and sweat. I felt like I was only drunk now mixed with twitching and sweating. I called up my friend, POLLY POCKET, and told her what was going on and she laughed and then I laughed.


8:15 AM -- I wake up. I am still pretty dizzy but I'm pretty sure this isn't the afterlife. I step outside and look around. I FEEL GREAT! Mentally cleansed and connected with nature! Everything is breathing! That's when I realize that I'm still tripping out! I went back inside and then fell back to sleep.

4:15pm -- I wake up again and I am slightly more sane. I feel very burnt out. My stomach is empty so I go and get a piece of pizza, milk, and almond butter cups. I take it back home and try to relax but unfortunately I am not 100% of course and I am still thinking in stupid, slow, tripped out patterns.

9:40 pm -- I meet up with Betty Spaghetti, Marcus, and Richie Rich. When we got out of the movie I continued to feel detached and slow and in a trance. Little things like colors and textures continued to catch my eye too much. Was I going to be like this forever?! Sure hope not!

10 something/ MAYBE 11pm? I head back home.

TODAY (November 24th, 2008)
I go to work and I am slow and stupid. I sure hope I get my wits back! Out of anything I have ever done which includes regular psyclocybin shrooms and LSD and cocaine and ritalin and too much zoloft and too much weed butter, this was by far the craziest thing I have ever experienced. I think some things are only meant for Shamans who walk around in fields all day talking to things that are only existing in their minds as a result of poisoning themselves. There are much better ways to seek creativity and enlightenment than through heavy intoxication. If you want to feel happy and smart, I don't know if I can recommend this one. It only boosts my confidence in the positive effects of daily meditation and reassures that drug obsessed 15 year old in me that this is not what I'm really into. It's a tricky one...If you want to do it, you must have someone who is not intoxicated or highly judgmental watching over you...As I observe it all today in retrospect, I think I see it as a horrible nightmare.

Exp Year: 2008ExpID: 75249
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Jun 16, 2011Views: 6,680
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Amanitas - A. muscaria (70) : Multi-Day Experience (13), General (1), Alone (16)

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