DOSE:

50 g

oral

Cacti - T. peruvianus

(dried)

BODY WEIGHT:

150 lb

The whole idea with tripping on Mescaline was mine since there was a girl, K, who was mentally ill who decided to take it with me. We both took 50 grams of the powder and ate it as jello with spoons.

Since Peruvian Torch is the most gruesome thing on my tastebuds ever, I used a chaser. Hours passed, effects slowly building. The girl I had taken it with wasn't experiancing much. Her and her husband were doubtful of the effects. But having much experiance with this special healing plant myself I was ready for what was to come. Me and her lie in her daughters room. I meditated, relaxing the mind-and preparing for the experiance-and boy an experiance did I have!

I felt the familiar effects building up at first, slowly becoming stronger. As I lay there. Slowly drifting, feeling slightly naseous wondering about the strength of the powder. A snake of anxiety slowly started drifting towards my soul. I was starting to trip. I knew I was, but it wasn't working for K. In fact I felt vulnerable. I knew I was going to trip. And I was afraid that they would have no sympathy to the expriance I had since it wasn't working for her. I was apprensive about relaxing. I lost my focus.

Suddenly, K started saying it was working for her. She talked of seeing native american symbols on the wall. I was seeing lightly colored streaks of light. Trails-very subtle. Her husband decided to retire for the night and it was me and her alone. She talked of a native american looking symbol she saw on my face. She was trying to describe it to me-but my logic was slowly going out the window. I couldn't comprehend what she was talking about so she drew it. It looked like a tic-tac-toe symbol. I was very intrested in what she had to say. She said it was growing. And she said more lines were building up, one after the other. Lines perpindicular to each other but crossing. Finally it hit me. She was describing a brick wall.

I felt intensely vulnerable and sick. The peak had hit. I felt cold and scared. This girl could see into my mind! I curled into a ball and covered myself. I was deeply afraid that I was going to be judged once again. I was deeply afraid of those judgements. But K was amazingly clear and focused. She knew what she was talking about. I was a little apprehensive to give her Mescaline, because she was already mentally ill to begin with. But Mescaline made her act different. It made her seem NORMAL. If there is a true thing as 'normal'. I guess it would be more accurate to say it made her 'clear'. I realized I had put a barrier around myself and closed myself off from the rest of the world.

My cold, clammy hands felt like death. I don't remember exactly everything that was said. But I do remember she was trying to get something out of me-and I was afraid to give it to her. I felt as if she was trying to get me to admit something I had done in my life that I felt guilty about-which was very true. I had done something in my life that I carried around with an awareness of guilt and pain. She was trying to get it out of me. I was afraid to tell her. So afraid of being judged. I literally came to believe that her and her husband were devils and were going to take my soul to hell when I admitted my sins, as weird as this may sound.

I never experianced compassion like this in my life. She wanted to hold me. Yet I was deeply afraid. I didn't understand why she was being so nice to me! I'm used to people judging me and being afraid of me. She grabbed me and held me in her arms. And I did something I haven't done in the longest time-at least not in front of anyone else. I wept. She held me in her arms and told me I was going to be ok-and I placed my head on her shoulder and wept, for what felt like forever. The song, 'Believe-by cher' was playing. I felt like a spear had been shoved into my soul-and she was pointing it out to me-trying to help me pull it out. I felt LOVED. But my body felt sick.

Let me add, in the 20+ plus times I've tripped on this-I've never purged. But this time I felt unbearably sick. I went into the bathroom and kneeled in front of the toilet-and waited but nothing would come out. I couldn't take it anymore-I needed it out. I stuck my fingers down my throat and felt around. I had little to no gag reflex. I reached further and further. I could feel my voicebox. I felt like I was reaching deep inside myself and BAM! I pulled out all the bad energy from within and let it purge into the toilet.

When I returned. I felt immensely better and more clear. I sat and talked with K. I felt comfortable around her. She was warm. And I felt her warm spirit. In the midst of our conversation, I realized we both had become psychic. Our thoughts were no longer limited in our head-but out on the table for us to see without having to even talk about it. Everything we talked about, a song in the background came on that had to do with what were talking about. I know it wasn't just a strange coincedence. It was very real. It's not just a drug. It is what it is. And all these things I was INTERESTED in, became truth. There was no longer any doubt. It had to be real because we were doing it.

It was then that I tried to dig in her mind, but to no avail-and the song in the background 'You dont know me' by T.I. Came on. I was so overwhelmed by the truth that I was given-and how it was proven to me in all light. I simply laughed. I was awe-struck.

I had taken Mescaline trip before with a girl once only to find out under the influence that we hated each other. I had extreme negative thoughts about her of contempt. While she watched the mask fall off my face I was trying to hold on to-while she laughed at all the lies I had put in front of her. This was different. I felt I had met the woman of my dreams. A woman who could see who I was. Who could see me for who I was and love and accept me with compassion.

Slowly the effects wavered off through the night-and in the morning we went to the Oceanview beach (norfolk) and watched the sunset. Once again, I was deeply connected with nature. I noticed every little insect crawling on the ground or flying around. I felt awed by plant-life and the life and RESPECT they had. I looked at all life as I would look at any other human being. I saw these blades of grass as having individual personalities and ways to them.

When we look at another person-we feel something inside us that respects that human being as one of us. That morning. I saw that in ALL LIFE. It is indescribable. Yet it was real-more real than anything I could experiance. We spent the morning watching the sun rise and feeling energy around us awaken-I hated it. I like the peace and solitude of the night. We gathered stones on the beach and I would have to say that I didn't realize it that morning but that was when I opened my heart to her.

Since then, she had left her husband for me. And we have been on this path together toward self awareness. When I ask her, 'when did you know you first were in love with me?' she says, the night we took that trip together.

Exp Year: 2008	ExpID: 75929
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Jun 13, 2018	Views: 1,634
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Cacti - T. peruvianus (69) : Nature / Outdoors (23), Relationships (44), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), General (1), Small Group (2-9) (17)