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Releasing the Inner Self
MDMA, Alcohol & Cannabis
by hedonistichippie
Citation:   hedonistichippie. "Releasing the Inner Self: An Experience with MDMA, Alcohol & Cannabis (exp75934)". Mar 27, 2020.

  smoked Cannabis  
    oral Alcohol  
    oral MDMA (powder / crystals)


[Erowid Note: While it may be that the substance described is pure MDMA, Ecstasy/Molly tablets and powders are notoriously impure, misrepresented, or adulterated. Ecstasy sold in retail contexts such as festivals or parties often contain chemicals other than MDMA.]

This may not be the best report you've read about ecstasy (MDMA, or 'molly' as my friends called it since it was pure powdered MDMA, no tabs with anything else in them) but I decided to share my first time experience with this amazing drug as a way to hopefully alleviate some of the fears and uncertainties of others who may not have done it before. First off, you just don't know if what you're getting is truly MDMA and you never know what else it's cut with. Which is why I was never convinced to try this drug until the pure form was available to me.

I am a 24 year old male, about 5'7', 125 pounds, very lean. Some call me a lightweight, I say I just have more fun with less stuff.

Before this night I had never tried ecstasy in any form. I have done a multitude of other drugs and psychedelics, and consider myself a very experienced user. I was not planning on doing it until right before I took it, which I would not recommend.

The night started with me meeting up with a girl I had met at work a week or two previous (we will call her L) who I was very attracted to, but she had just broken up with her boyfriend of 3 years and so our relationship at the time was completely platonic. I had partied with her once before, but we just drank and smoke and hung out with some other friends. I had just left another friends house after smoking a bowl of cannabis and a hookah about an hour earlier. I met up with L at a downtown bar around 10pm where a few other friends of hers, people I had met once or twice before, showed up as well. I had one very large beer, but didn't get drunk or anything.

After that, around 11-12pm we decided to go back to L's friends house (who we will call M) who lived not too far away. We arrived at a typical house party scene, several young people listening to music, drinking beer, smoking cannabis. M, who I had only met once before, seemed extremely energetic and lively, more so than anyone should be on just beer and weed. That's when he showed me a little bag of powder he called 'molly'. Pure MDMA powder. I had never done ecstacy before out of fear of what might be in most tabs or pills, so once I saw this, I was immediately convinced. I only took one dose, being my first time, swallowed the powder wrapped up in tissue paper and drank it down with more beer. Smoked more cannabis.

By this time it was about 12-1am. I remember feeling the first noticable effects while standing in the bathroom with L who said that she was just starting to feel it too (she took 2 doses). I had started to feel somewhat tired earlier in the evening from all the cannabis I had smoked, but now suddenly I was feeling wide awake and full of energy. Before I knew it I was getting very warm. I took of my sweater so I was in just pants and a wifebeater. At first I felt overwhelmed by a warm, energizing feeling. Similar to the onset of amphetamines, but much more intense and less 'tweaky'. I start to feel very happy, relaxed, smile a lot. I had no idea what I was in for.

At this point things get slightly jumbled. I remember most all of the evening, but I was in such a state of bliss and felt so overwhelmingly good that my concept of time and sequence of events was lost.

Not too long after feeling the initial onset, I find L on a bed with several other people I had met up with earlier at the bar. They are all touching each other and rubbing each others backs. There is loud trance music playing and even though normally it is not my favorite kind of music and I'm a terrible dancer, the sounds seems so wonderful and energizing that I can't help but want to move around. L sees me in a state of blissful bewilderment and tells me to take my shirt off and lay down on the bed. I do so, and she starts to give me a back rub which feels amazing. Then she takes her long hair and lets it caress my back up and down, while running her hands up and down me. It feels so incredible and orgasmic, giving my shivers, but I feel no stiffness in my pants. Which seems just fine, because I feel like my entire body is being stimulated immensely and feel no need for full on sexual contact. This is why I find it hard to believe people who say that if you have sex on ecstasy it 'ruins it' because I really don't think I could have had sex, or satisfying sex anyway, since erectile dysfunction was definitely a side effect, as with most stimulants.

This is where things really get intense for me. This new wave of immense pleasure and sensual stimulation gets me reeling. I suddenly feel completely uninhibited, and feel the need to touch everyone around me. Just as L rolls off of my back I feel lost in the rapture, and I roll over on top of her and start kissing her. Like I mentioned, I only just met her a week or two before at work, and have never even hardly so much as hugged her. In the back of my mind, for a split second before I kiss her, it registers 'Oh my god, I'm kissing her!' but from an external point of view, I probably didn't show the slightest sign of hesitation. Inhibitions and hesitations seem pointless, completely lost in the throes of such amazing pleasure and overwhelming good feelings.
Inhibitions and hesitations seem pointless, completely lost in the throes of such amazing pleasure and overwhelming good feelings.
I feel so incredibly close to her and everyone else around me, that it all just seems natural and wonderful. This could be how things like 'inappropriate bonding' could occur, as some people say can happen, but the way I look at it, you just have to keep in mind the context of it all. And make sure you don't do it with anyone who you might have a problem with being close to or bonding with.

Throughout the rest of the evening I drink random sips of beer and water to stay hydrated. Smoke a little more cannabis occasionaly, which only seems to serve to enhance the feelings of physical pleasure and stimulation. I take a shot of Goldshlager which tastes delicious, and the alcohol only seems to make me feel more uninhibited, wild, and free.

By this time, me and L are becoming very intertwined. Most of the last two or three hours of the night are spent with her, kissing, touching, grinding, amidst a sea of other bodies which occasionally provide a brief distraction from our intense bonding experience. Everyone feels so close and comfortable around each other, several of the other people present I had just met that evening, but already felt like we had bonded.

Several times people had tried to pull me and L apart or made remarks about us (especially since not everyone present was on MDMA) as, even when we were attempting to leave at the end of the night (around 5am), we could not keep off of each other, and several times L pinned me against the wall and made out with me and grinded up on me, oblivious to the fact that there were several other people in the room watching us. It was almost strange in a way how completely uninhibited and unashamed I felt during all of this, but strange in the most amazing way possible. I felt the real me, from deep down inside, coming out with such blissful force. It was like I was able to do exactly what I wanted to do, without feeling any fear or hesitation or uncertainty or shame. Which is significant for me since normally I am somewhat shy, reserved, and self-conscious.

All in all, the entire experience was blissful and glowing, I felt much closer to people I had hardly known previously, and felt like I was able to truly and completely let loose and do what felt good and not feel unsure or inhibited at all.

I felt extremely close and bonded with L, even though we had not known each other that long. In a way, it was almost unreal how in the overwhelming ocean of pleasure and piles of bodies, we always found our way back to each other. Call me a sap if you want. It brought out the way I really felt, and all the feelings that I held back. It was definitely not entirely just a drug-induced orgy of sorts. Yes, a lot of the behavior that happened most likely never would have without the MDMA present to knock down all inhibitions, but a lot of the feelings and desires I felt were really how I myself felt inside, and still felt the next day, I just needed the MDMA to allow to me to let it out like that.

The effects lasted, at a significant level, for about 4 hours.
The effects lasted, at a significant level, for about 4 hours.
By hour 5 and 6 I was coming down and feeling tired, but could not sleep until a few hours later, feeling extremely hyper-stimulated. The day after I did feel very tired and drained, and found thinking clearly a little more taxing than usual for awhile, but otherwise felt good, and happy. Would not say that I was depressed or anything of the sort.

For the longest time I was the guy who had never done ecstasy even though I've done basically every other drug in existence besides meth, crack, and heroin. I always said I would never do it because you don't know what you're getting in those tabs.

Exp Year: 2008ExpID: 75934
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 24 
Published: Mar 27, 2020Views: 1,234
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MDMA (3) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Relationships (44), Sex Discussion (14), Glowing Experiences (4), Combinations (3), First Times (2)

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