Citation: Kayla. "From Hell into Heaven: An Experience with Cannabis (exp76495)". Erowid.org. Jan 24, 2023. erowid.org/exp/76495
I have only smoked marijuana a couple of times in my life; from my last experience I never will do it again. I have never done any type of drug other than marijuana or alcohol, so that didnít influence my last experience with smoking.
My previous experiences before my last time smoking pot were rather unpleasant. I would always be nervous, confused, and my mind felt like it was trying to escape something; because I remember screaming inside my head. All in all, I believe I would get abnormally high for the small dose I had taken.
The last time I smoked marijuana it wasnít a simple high of a relaxing, euphoric, peaceful and jubilant feeling. I literally was in the depths of hell and trying to find a way out. This happened a year ago, I donít like thinking about it, and I havenít told many people, but it means a lot to me. This experience has shaped my life forever and will till the day I die.
I took about three hits of the joint and just sat back to relax. A few minutes later the high started to come and the music in the car became more intense and slow. I was calm at this point as we arrived at my house. The friends I was with decided they wanted to go kayaking, so I went to my house to go to the bathroom as they waited for me at the shore of the lake. In the bathroom I became hypnotized by this picture and my mind was going faster than I ever thought was possible. Time stood still. I thought I had been in the bathroom for at least 45 minutes thinking and staring. I remembered that they were waiting for me so I freaked out and left the bathroom. As I walking out of my house I asked my mom how long I had been in the house, she said ďFive minutes.Ē
As we started kayaking everything was fine I was talking to my friends while we were on the lake, but they began to paddle harder than me so I fell behind. Then it hit out of nowhere, I looked up into the sun to feel the beauty of the lake; I realized I was out of my mind and body. I felt very alone and dark, even though it was a sunny day. I felt different types of energy going through me that wasnít normal when I was one with my body. There was no time or space where I was. I knew everything in the universe, I donít even know how, but I remember saying to myself, ďKayla, itís so easy just look around yourself, you know everything youíve ever questioned and you have everything youíve ever wanted.Ē I remember yelling at myself; I was the soul of Kayla. I wasnít the human being of Kayla.
Then, I wanted to cry but I couldnít. I wanted to feel happy or feel the love of what was around me, but that was impossible. I realized I was in Hell. Itís not a place of fire, or dragons, or unimaginable creatures. But, itís a place that is eternal. Iíd rather call it a dimension than a place. But, I will never forget what it meant to actually be alone for the first time in my life, because there was no love there, no happiness, no sadnessÖ nothing and I was nothing. I remember feeling these other energies of souls around me, and they were waiting for something; an escape. I wanted to go back to my life, I never thought that I would actually understand why life is so special; I do now because I lost it once and I am never losing it again.
As I felt these souls waiting for something, I looked up and saw the one thing that connected me to the human world that my body was in; the sun. The energy from that light fulfilled me with this compassion and longing that I have never felt. I realized that these souls, and I was too, was waiting for the light/God to save us. I remember telling myself over and over to never do drugs again; I even wrote a note to myself when I went back to my house. I donít really know why I wrote that, but from that, I know where I was, and even though I donít have all the answers now; I did then.
I wanted to be saved and back to my regular life of love and family again more than anything. The more I thought of where I was, the more my body acted as if it was going to die; my heart would race faster than I recall it ever doing, and it just felt as though my body was going to shut down and I was going to be trapped in Hell forever. That is the worst feeling anyone could have. To save myself I thought of ways to get out of where I was and I concluded that I needed to kill this place, to go back to life. From the outside it wouldíve looked like suicide. But it wouldnít have been. I was going to slit my wrists not to kill my body or my soul, but to escape Hell in hopes of returning to life, which everyone knows that wouldnít have happened.
But before I did that, I saw the hand and felt this urge of heavenly energy that I had been longing for. I compare to what I saw and felt to the painting of Adam and Eve by Michelangelo, God /Jesus reaching through the depths of hell to save me. When this happened for some reason the energy pulled me to go and talk to my father, which I did. I told him everything that had happened and now I was in such a heavenly place, because I was slowly coming out of hell as a talked to my father. I told him as we sat in the woods about how I knew everything about the universe; the physics, chemistry and the makeup of everything, but never talked about my experience of Hell with him. I remember telling him none of it matters, I said, ďThis life is for shits and giggles, itís Godís way of showing us love through us, rather than just being love; make the best of it.Ē Eventually, I became back to normal and that was it.
I donít know what it was for just smoking a few hits of clean marijuana. Many could call it a very high time, a messed up mind on drugs, a vision or a lesson. Anyoneís guess is as good as mine. Allís I know is that it was as real for me, as it is for me to type this experience. From that I hope someone can find a deeper understanding on how drugs influence the mind, body and the soul and maybe there is a larger purpose that nobody really understands until they die; I just caught a glimpse of it.
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