You've made it. Go!
Citation: GoZeus. "You've made it. Go!: An Experience with 5-MeO-DMT (exp76531)". Erowid.org. May 29, 2009. erowid.org/exp/76531
I can't believe reports I read that people get up and DO THINGS while in the grip of this chemical. Be careful! I knew I was in for something deep, but I could not even begin to imagine.
I watched two friends go first. One seemed to not get all of the hit and other got it all at once. The first just laid back, looking upwards and not moving. The second, well, it looked like his eyes sucked back into his head and he began to shake violently. He rolled over onto his face and started to froth at the mouth a tiny bit. He was kicking at the floor and knocking things all over, face still planted firmly on the floor. About 5 minutes into this, he began to shout loudly, at the floor. When it seemed he had come partway back, we rubbed his back and told him he was okay.
After my experience, I'm not sure that I would want that kind of attention as I was coming back to my body. It seemed like the slower I had earthly sensations, the better. Then my turn came. I was a little wound up after watching what happened with the second guy. I laid back across my friend's bed and got comfortable, on my back. I just spent a good 10 minutes breathing deep and getting myself relaxed. After breathing and getting to where I felt relaxed enough to, I took the hit, all at once.
I remember myself putting aside the pipe and saying, what else, 'Oh my god..' The very end of the sound of the last word stretched out to infinity. More and more it took on less of the sound of a human voice, and more digital, like taking a sound on a computer and stretching it way out. I felt myself moaning, maybe, going 'ooooohh.. ooooOOOHHH' but I don't believe that I was actually saying it. At first I thought that the two other people in the room were doing it at the exact same time, but the sound was not a human voice, and I had already at this point stopped hearing the sound in the room, or sensing anything about the room at this point. The sound was very low and now seemed more like a vibration, and it seemed that senses were indistinguishable from each other, and they were all in this buzzing moan sound.
There was a realization of a vast spread of universe, and this sound took up all of that space and therefore was very flat, as it had nothing to bounce off of. This sense, this vibration, this sound shimmered back and forth rapidly, panning quickly left to right. Everything started to sizzle in bright, brilliant silver.. silver frying was what it felt like, and every color swimming by rapidly, and each color was perfect and clear. As this was happening I still had an awareness of my chest, because this buzz seemed to be ripping through it, and I remember feeling like a heavy weight just fell on it and held it while I blasted off out of my body, everything rushing at total hyperwarp.
At this point I was the universe, still vast, but it was quickly reeling in to a center point. All of the smaller spirals spun around their center point, and all of this spun around the center point, which was my center, because I was the universe. There was a sense/sound/feeling that all of the voices of everything was singing in unison, like a grand celebration of the end of everything, as the universe rushed in on itself. I felt like I had inadvertantly brought about the end of everything and that there would be nothing after this.
Then I saw/felt the very last of it spin around the small point where everything had gone, a pinpoint where I, the universe, had condensed into, and I had that brief moment of total understanding of what I/everything was. Perfect peace and clarity. This point was very much a sharp point. It hit and immediately exploded in a big bang. It seemed like I knew from long before this point that I was going to 'make it there' and I felt this confirmed when this peak point hit. I felt like god giving birth to itself in the form of the universe. It was a total cosmic body orgasm, where my body is the whole universe, and in this world I moaned the orgasmic moan of god with all of the power of the universe. Something was telling me 'you've made it. Just go.' So I threw myself into these cosmic orgasms, 'breathing' in to my universe body and roaring with each outward orgasmic spasm. Each contraction seemed to come back to the exploding center, and each time it went back out it had farther to go, as the universe was still hurtling outwards, so each roar I was able to harness more and more energy and roar harder and orgasm deeper. I had no resistance to throwing my mind farther and farther. There was no dam to the energy. I was saying a cosmic 'yes' and letting myself go.
Right after the orgasm spasms stopped, I began to feel aware of my body again. My hands were bent inwards almost to my wrists. I kept my eyes closed as I needed to ease slowly back into my body. The effects I was feeling at this point were far more intense than any other kind of trip I had taken, but seemed like nothing compared to the cosmic weirdness I had just experienced. I needed to try to get my breathing smoother and deeper. I could hear the music again, and my friends were talking about what happened to them. I wanted to make them stop, to be quiet for a few minutes, but I couldn't speak yet. Eventually I was able to rasp out a 'ssh'. Luckily they understood. There was a force that would feel like it was trying to tug me back out into the weird, but it wasn't strong enough to, and I was easing back in. My face and hands and body tingled like they did when I'd had an intense orgasm, which I sure as hell did, but far more so.
Ten minutes after this, I was feeling pretty much back to 'normal'. My friends told me that I had been yelling 'GOD!' and 'YES! YES! YES!' and then just plain yelling like I was being killed. I felt perfectly normal afterwards, even better than I did beforehand, and I was really excited at having felt like I had 'gone there', like I had reached the point I had been trying to reach. I felt compassion for everything, perhaps because I had just given birth to it all/myself.
The next night when I was going to sleep, I took a melatonin to help. Every time that I fell asleep, I felt like I was starting to launch again, and then I would shake myself out of it. Then I would be thinking about it and start to doze off and it would happen again. I started to worry that I had cracked something and this was how things were going to be. Then I got to wondering about the melatonin, so looking into it I find that it is very similar in structure to 5meo-DMT, and figured that was to blame. I wasn't ready to make that plunge again. But the good thing about this was that I was reminded of details that I had perhaps blocked out as just too much to handle, and I got a more complete picture of the experience.
I've been thinking about this in the few days since it happened, and trying to figure out how best to try to describe it in words. I know that this is impossible, but since it is perhaps the most grand experience I have ever had, I had to try, if only to try to tell loved ones what happened to me.
I now feel automatically more compassionate, as this was the strongest sense of oneness of all things I have experienced, and not only that, but I also felt that I was the creator who gave birth to everything. I also just naturally little to do those things that are harmful to myself, like drinking and eating bad foods. I feel less likely to be so misguided by sexual desire, though I know when I do it in its right place that it's going to be more fantastic than ever.
Basically I feel a lot more straightened out inside.
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