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Could This Be Death?
Morning Glory (Pearly Gates)
by Lamedeer
Citation:   Lamedeer. "Could This Be Death?: An Experience with Morning Glory (Pearly Gates) (exp76873)". Erowid.org. Aug 3, 2009. erowid.org/exp/76873

 
DOSE:
300 seeds oral Morning Glory (ground / crushed)

BODY WEIGHT: 150 lb


I bought 7 packs of pearly gates and got home at about 6:00 P.M. They didn't say anything about chemical treatment so I assumed they weren't. I poured the seeds out onto my carpet and counted them out. Turned out that I had roughly 400 seeds. I researched a little bit on the internet beforehand and read that about 100 was enough to trip. I wanted it to work and to have a strong enough effect so I decided to eat all of them. I had a pepper grinder from my kitchen cabinet and grinded them up into a cup. I highly suggest using an electric coffee grinder or something because it took me at least 30 minutes to grind them all up, it was taking too long to grind and I was gettin annoyed so I only used 300.

It came out to be a mixture of yellowish brown powder along with small bits of black shell. I dumped it into a bowl of yogurt and mixed it up. Before I ate it I took 6 ibuprofen in case I should experience pain or discomfort. From researching, I found out nausea is extremely common but ibuprofen was all I had. I ate the mixture at 9:30 P.M. I was sitting in my room watching T.V. with my sister. She knew what I was doing. My dad was asleep in his bedroom down the hall and my mom was sitting across the house in the family room watching T.V. Now to let you know, my parents are well aware of my past drug use, such as weed, alcohol, ecstasy, pain killers, and some others, so they are always getting on me about that.

I was expecting the effects to take anywhere from 30 minutes to 1 hour 30 minutes to kick in. I was very wrong. Oh and I didn't mention this was my first experience with morning glory seeds and I haven't done any other hallucinogenics. After 1 hour 30 minutes I was starting to get a bit agitated, very often turning to my sister and saying 'Ah, this is pissing me off, these things better kick in' and 'What a waste of money, these damn things aren't doing anything, I should grind up the rest and eat those too' which I didn't do, thankfully. I will say that during this time watching T.V. my pupils dilated pretty large, of course, and I did feel pretty different. Despite being angry that nothing was happening I was very happy and was finding everything to be very funny. I was laughing constantly and couldn't keep the smile off my face.

About 2 hours in my sister left my room. A strong feeling of euphoria was building, getting stronger and stronger. I actually had a growing body high that felt very good, something like a combination of a small amount of MDMA and weed. At this point my pupils were enormous, my eyes being almost completely black. I found myself thinking that I no longer cared about how the visuals never came, I was so happy that I would definently eat these another time. I had a huge smile on my face that would not go away and I felt as if I knew my chair personally. I kept getting up and moving about my room trying on different jackets and sweatshirts because they all felt so good to the touch and I loved them all. I felt very compelled to get up and talk to somebody but talking to my mom would be a bad idea I thought.

In my room I have one of those closets with sliding mirror doors across from my bed. I found that everything looked different in the mirror. The ceiling fan I have has these roundish, mesh like cover type things that surround the lightbulbs, and this casts weird shadows on my walls. When I would look at the shadow just on the wall it looked normal, but when I looked in the mirror it appeared as a slowly expanding mushroom cloud from a nuclear explosion, and then I thought it kinda looked like a slowly moving jellyfish. And yes now is when the effects were kinda kickin in. The plaid curtains I have were having those breathing, wavy effects and so were the walls and shadows in the mirror.

Now it's about 3 hours in. I shut off the lights with only my T.V. illuminating my room. I sit back down and look in the mirror and, woah! my head was doing the breathing, wavy thing. I found this to be extremely entertaining and humorous and sat making faces in the mirror for quite some time. With time this effect grew much stronger, everything started breathing, the furniture, the floor, the walls, and even the people on T.V. Every once in a while I would venture into the kitchen to fill a glass of water and maybe go to the bathroom to pee. I actually spoke to my mom several times without her noticing anything. It was kinda hard to walk because the kitchen was all moving about, also it was kinda hard to pee (this grew with time).

I got my CD player and started to listen to Infected Mushroom - Converting Vegetarians - The Other Side, I love their music. I kept laying on my bed in different positions and felt a very strong connection with my cd player. It looked very different in the various positions I sat. Now after like 4 or 5 hours the breathing effects were very strong along with subtle patterns on the walls and on my curtains and I also had yellow plaid bedsheets which were very trippy. My sense of time was slowly fading and every minute was getting longer and longer. My body high felt very strange, sort of like I couldn't feel my body. I could feel my body but I thought that I couldn't for some reason. My thoughts were racing and could not focus on anything or even think about one thing for at least 5 seconds, or so it seemed. I kept thinking that I wasn't breathing normally. I also would think my heart was beating too slow, then it was beating too fast, I couldn't tell. I would wipe my hand on my forehead because I thought that maybe I was moving much too quickly and I was sweating. I thought that I felt sweat on my hand but couldnt really see it. Then I thought I couldnt feel the sweat because I did see sweat on my hand. Everything was much louder and I began to get slight auditory distortions.

It was now around 2 to 2:30 in the morning and my mom would come and open my door every so often. I would hear her coming so I would try to pretend like I was sleeping and I would lay on my side and close my eyes. When I closed my eyes it looked like a never ending collidoscope tunnel that went into the distance forever and it was slowing turning with extremely detailed, multicolored patterns along with odd images along the walls. I kept thinking I would forget to breath and that I might stop breathing and die so I would get worried and sit up. I would try to count the seconds and breathe at a normal pace but this was impossible because I couldn't tell how long a second was. This happened over and over, also I would put my hand to my chest to feel my hearbeat, it was very faint and I couldn't tell if it was beating at a normal speed or not. I now know it always feels faint but then I thought this was a bad thing. My mom would open my door and see me sitting up on my bed, she would say 'Why are you still up?' I would respond 'I don't know' or 'I'm watching T.V.' or 'I'm going to sleep' I could barely talk because my mind was racing so fast and was so cluttered with thoughts.

Now I don't know if it's because I was afraid of my mom knowing I was on drugs or because I was so paranoid about the time slowing and my breathing but from that point I began to have a bad trip. I can't remember exactly when it started but it was at least 5 hours in. I would be watching T.V. and the auditory and visual hallucinations were pretty intense. When the people on T.V. would speak, I would hear them saying things they weren't really saying. Complete sentences accompanied by mouth movements. Everything that was going on, on t.v. would suddenly change into something else and I would hear people saying very frightening things like, 'Now there's nothing you can do to escape this' and 'That always made me wonder about terrifying situations' and 'This is very strange, but they are trying to kill us'. I can't remember everything that I heard because I would hear something different and see something different every few seconds but it was always something scary and full of contempt and worry.

The room someone was in would start shaking and flashing and they would begin screaming and shouting scary things and I would get very frightened and change the channel. It would go okay for a few seconds and then slowly melt into scary and I felt constant extreme anxiety and fear. People's faces were changing into other people's faces. Time was moving so incredibly slow, each minute felt like 15 minutes, I would change the channel every few seconds and then shut the volume off but then I would have to turn it back on and then I would get a drink of water and then I would chew a piece of gum and then spit it out and then get another piece and I would keep repeating these things over and over within minutes. I could no longer stay in my room and I felt like I had to go get help and talk to somebody, I wanted to talk to my mom but I knew that was not a possiblity. I kept thinking she was on my side but at the same time she hated me and wanted me dead.

I would go into the kitchen, fill a glass of water, take a pee in the bathroom, and go back into my room only to have the anxiety build again. Even words and numbers on the screen started to change into words and numbers they weren't. 'The Tonight Show With Jay Leno' would read 'The Hearing Disorder' and then something else every few seconds. I would flip to a paid programing show and then it felt like everything was repeating over and over. A woman would be speaking 'And you can have this house for as little as absolutely free' 'So you are saying its only 767 dollars' 'Yes absolutely free' 'But don't do what I think' 'Say what I do and walk ten miles in tournaments, swishing ferociously throughout timeless canyons until you slip and fall to your death' 'Moments like this can be very terrifying, I don't think this will end any time soon.' I felt like my subconscious was being projected onto the world around me, if I thought that I wanted this to stop, it would just get worse, one tiny thought about anything would result in an extreme mood swing or something happening on t.v.

I wasn't just having visual and auditory tracers, but tracers of entire moments, I would see and hear the same thing happening over and over and things kept looping. Not the same thing right after another but a series of actions that I would do and a series of things I would see and hear, not only on my t.v. but in my house in general. I would open the guide on t.v. (you know the guide on directv) and would scroll down the channels, it would go from the 100's down to the 200's then 300's and when I would expect to see the 400's it would loop and begin back at the 100's. Also with the paid programming I kept seeing the same numbers in place of numbers that should be different. $767 $767 $767 and then $542 $542 $542 in place of every number on the screen and it would change over and over. My body high had escalated to a very strange feeling where I felt like I couldnt feel my body. I felt within my body yet displaced from it at the same time. When I would feel a chewed piece of gum out of my mouth it felt as if it was melting in my hands. I ended up chewing about 20 pieces of gum within 30 minutes.

With all of these things going on I knew that this was not possible because objects in my house and writing on paper and nick nacks and such were not distorted or changing, only what was on displays such as T.V.'s, my alarm clock, my phone. The visuals escalated to seeing colored geometric patterns floating through the air and moving patterns on furniture and the floor and the walls and then it got real strong. I would look down at my remote in my hand (with my plaid bedsheets below it) and it would get blurry and then appear two dimensional sort of, (hard to explain but it looked 3D and 2D at the same time) every few seconds things would change the way they looked, like 2Dish to the edges looking wavy and then solid lines, and then cartoon like (as in the people on t.v.)

Since I was hearing and seeing the same things, the same moments in time, occur over and over on t.v., time now going so slow that I thought my clock had broken, either that or I was dead because earlier I had stopped breathing and I was now experiencing death. The entire time my thoughts felt as if they were all swirling within each other, all connected as one, yet seperating as they moved and passed through time. Time was no longer real. All things in the world and in the universe were strongly connected yet seperate at the same time. I thought that the entire universe that I had seen and felt throughout my life was an illusion created by god and that I was the only soul and true mind and that I had failed the test of life and was now sentenced to live through this fear and anxiety for the rest of eternity.

At this point I had spoken to my mom several more times with her coming into my room when I had the light on and was just standing there or when I was on my phone, not talking to anyone, just trying to read the time. She took my phone and yelled at me saying 'It's 4 something in the fuckin morning! Why are you still up and why are you on your phone?! Go to sleep.' Every time I would get frightened of my room I would go into the kitchen and she was growing extremely suspicious. It turned out I was getting a glass of water and peeing every 5 minutes, which felt like hours. Now thinking, or rather, knowing that I was dead and the world had come to an end and all time had stopped, I felt like I had to go about doing things to see if I could get this all to stop or if I was really dead. I was pretty sure I was at this point but I wasn't positive.

My mom kept accusing me 'What the fuck are you on?!' and I would say 'I'm not on anything'. She was very angry at this point and she looked completely normal, no distortions or breathing of her face or anything, only I got this incredible sense of a very negative energy coming from her, as if she was trying to harm me in some way. She kept following me around the house because I would try to just walk away from her because I was scared. She kept saying 'Where are you going' and I would respond several different ways 'I don't know' 'No where' 'I'm going to bed', 'But your wondering around the house! How fuckin high are you?!' since I thought I was dead I didn't know what to say so I just kept saying weird random responses just to get her to stop following me but nothing would work.

I ended up telling her I had eaten morning glory seeds. She went into my room and started searching it. She found the ziploc bag with the other 100 under my bed. Eventually my dad woke up and came out from all the yelling. He started yelling at me too 'What the fuck are you doing?! Your pupils are the size of fucking flying saucers!' He found out what I had done and looked it up on the internet. While I was standing in my room with my mom I ended up puking on the carpet. I did not feel nautious the entire time, never felt sick or cramps or anything, not even when I threw up did I feel like I had to.

Right after I puked the intense feelings and visual effects went away a little bit. Instead of feeling sick I had a weird feeling in my head, like my brain felt weird, I can't explain it but it was the strangest body high that I've never felt. My dad came into my room and told me how those things have pestisides on them and can make you a vegetable or give you permanent brain damage. They were asking if they needed to take me to the hospital and I said no.

From then on out I just sat on my bed for several hours with the thoughts that I was going to be taken to a hospital and the doctors were going to do tests on me or torture me or kill me in some way. I was feeling very strange and also had the constant thought that I now had permanent brain damage and I pictured myself as a vegetable. The words permanent brain damage kept repeating over and over in my head. I tried reading simple sentences and could not and could not do simple math or make sense of anything. I thought that I had permanent brain damage.

It was then about 6:30 in the morning when I finally fell asleep. Also to add some things that I didn't mention from earlier, when I saw my dog in my backyard through the window she looked like a monster. When my mom took my phone and then shut off my t.v. and then started to take things out of my room to search it, I had this feeling that this would keep happening over and over until all the people in the world came into my house and would take things one by one until the whole world was picked apart and nothing was left. I kept thinking thoughts of death and torture and I thought at one point I should leave out the front door and walk about the earth and just see what happened but I didn't. I felt as if everyone was against me because they were no longer other human beings they were now just figments of my imagination that I had created over time that were here to follow me around and bother me for the rest of eternity.

There were alot more thoughts and other visuals that I cannot remember or even explain. It was the single most frightening thing I had ever experienced in my life. I woke up the next day feeling okay. I was kinda stupid but to my relief not permanently brain damaged. The weird feelings wore off the day after that. I was grounded and I told my parents what I experienced and they ended up feeling bad for me. I had pretty bad constipation for a month following the day I ate them. I had to keep taking laxatives. I kept getting bad pains in my intestines but I'm okay now.

When I did this I was in a perfectly good mind set, I was very optimistic, there weren't any problems I was having. I suppose it was my mom that triggered thoughts deep within my consciousness, thoughts of regret about things I had done in the past, at the time I was very over these things and none of it was a very big deal and was not troubling me whatsoever. But anyways, yeah, in the future I wish to try LSD and shrooms and the such, but I think I'll do ecstasy while doing it so I don't have a bad trip.

Exp Year: 2009ExpID: 76873
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Aug 3, 2009Views: 26,433
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Morning Glory (38) : Alone (16), Bad Trips (6), Families (41), Difficult Experiences (5), First Times (2)

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