DOSE:	8-10 mg	insufflated	Pharms - Buprenorphine	(daily)
	2.0-2.5 mg	insufflated	Naloxone	(daily)

BODY WEIGHT:

200 lb

Where to start? First I guess, a girl who has been there for me through this situation printed out some experience reports and I have to say it helped a lot more than I thought. I have always known that other's were going through this problem but did not realize how much it would help to hear their story’s. I am not big on sharing sad stories but I feel that if my story helps just one person through just one minute I would be a bastard not to try. So this is my story...

Me and my two best friends who I meet when I was 4, I am now 34, have screwed with every drug at one point or another but opiates were the one not to be screwed with and we did. It started about 5 years ago I had been getting dental work done (and by the way I do not blame the dentist) but he was giving me 30 5mg perks per visit. One week he gave me 60 perks that is way too much!

I got used to working while high (I am a metal fabricator).Work is great when I am high the day flys by. I was also giving them to my friends. Then we all started getting them on the streets, perc’s, oxy, vicodan, cutting pain patches open and eating them, anything. Then after 3 years of that every day it cost a fortune to continue getting high because your tolerance goes way up. That’s when I started doing heroin. I consider myself pretty smart even though I have made some stupid choices and one of my best friends I always considered even smarter than I. one day he said to me his life would be so much better if he could just get a good H connection. I will never forget that, he has a beautiful wife 2 beautiful kids a new house everything going for him and he really believed what he was saying. That was just over a year ago.

I had to stop hanging out with most of my friends, I miss them. For the last 14 months or so I have been snorting 8-10 mg per day of suboxone and made a couple of attempts at quitting then 33 days ago I quit! Words can't explain how bad it really is and I had no idea the pain and depression would last this long I took a week off from work thinking that would be enough; boy was I wrong. I guess its kind of like falling in love with a girl, splitting apart and realizing no mater what you do your always going to love her till the day you die.

I am trying hard to keep this short but I should also mention that it has taken me over a week to write this- I just got over three days of major 'WD” real bad, it comes in waves. Maybe one day I will write about that but that’s another story. This is the thing though at times through the last 46 days I got little glimpses of the life I had before the shit hit the fan and its so great the sound of a good song its like hearing it for the first time, being able to watch a movie and forget about everything for a couple hours and my pupils open after years. Its weird everything looks different. It is worth the pain to get back what I once had. See that is the fucked up thing about opiates you don’t know what it’s really taking from you until it is too late.

All I know is I actually hung a sign on the inside of my door that I see every morning that says LIFE OR DEATH and I hope I will choose life because that is what it is for all of US a choice to fight the pain or give up your life, make no mistake that what this is about is being alive or being a ghost.

When I make it and I know in my heart I can not be tempted I am going to find my best friends. I don’t know if they are dead, in jail or hopefully found their own way to being clean, although I am worried I have been checking the streets to keep track and haven’t heard about them in a couple of months. But I will find them and do anything to help them and I will visit that dentist to tell him my story and remind him of the power he wields.

Today after 46 days of hell I feel better than I have in the last 6 years I hope it lasts awhile before the next and hopefully last wave ; choose life my friends.

Exp Year: 2004-2009	ExpID: 77024
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 34
Published: Feb 15, 2019	Views: 1,154
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Pharms - Buprenorphine (265), Opioids (407) : Retrospective / Summary (11), Relationships (44), Addiction & Habituation (10), Various (28)