Why I'm Still Alive
by Sirynx
Citation:   Sirynx. "Why I'm Still Alive: An Experience with MDMA (exp7720)". Erowid.org. Jun 29, 2001. erowid.org/exp/7720

1 tablet oral MDMA (pill / tablet)


I have to start this off by saying that I had never even gotten high when I took this pill. I'm 22 and have had a very difficult life, and was wrapped up in religious nonsense up until Nov. of 2000. I had smoked weed about 5 times before I did this, and never really gotten high.

I was staying with some people who were pretty hardcore ravers, tho I am not, and they decided to bring in the real new millenium with a rolling party at the apt. They were tight with a pretty well known DJ who got a lot of stuff from NY, and assured me that it would be a good pill, so I took it. Normally, I'd have done more research, but I was at a place in my life where I really didn't care whether I lived or died, and figured I may as well go out feeling *something*...

Well, after around a half-hour, I was really skeptical (everyone else was taking their pills now, I got anxious and took mine while someone was still on their way) and not feeling anything but a little hot, and I was sweating just a little. Then *WHAM*...it happened...

I sat down in this half deflated inflatable chair, and felt like I was just being enveloped in warm liquid...I was still coherent at this point and was just like...'This is REALLY strange..' Everyone was watching me and noticed that my face was changing, and I was kinda wiggling around in this deflated chair. Well, let me tell you...it only got more, and more, and MORE intense as the next hour or two went on.

At first I was talkative, I wanted to talk to everyone in the house, even those I didn't like, and I wanted to be super close to my friends, even reaching out and touching them, guys and girls, just cuz it seemed the thing to do. By this time everyone else began their rolls and people started touching me...rubbing my back, playing with my hair...It was so intense that after a while I couldn't even speak.

Everything was pretty...beautiful...right. I felt such euphoria and peace that just about anything could have happened and I wouldn't have cared. Remember, I haven't peaked yet..

My friends continued to do things to physically stimulate me or 'blow me up,' and it eventually became so overwhelming that I ended up on the floor, in my boxers, on top of a silky-covered sleeping bag...rolling around (that's probly how it came to be known as rolling, imho).

This was my peak, and unlike any pill I have taken since (only 4 or 5, and never more than one at a time so far) it lasted for at least 6 hours before I even began to come down. All in all it was like an 8 hour orgasm. In fact, I described it to my friends like this 'Everything felt like sex, except what normally feels like sex.' Everything I touched was wonderful...

It also had astounding mental and spiritual affects. Namely, for the first time in years I was truly happy, and for the first time EVER I was content. I became at peace with myself, my life, and my environment, and have remained so. I was on the verge of taking my life, and had the only real 'religious' experience I ever had, after 22 years of religion. I can now see the beauty in life, and in existence that I never was able to see before. I am also now a much more social creature than I was.

I have taken 4 or 5 pills since with varied affects, none quite so powerful and pure as the first, but all worth while. I don't recommend taking lots of X...I would never want to dull the feeling. Also, I have never had any depression afterwards, and like I said, I was on the verge of suicide, so I know what depression is. Please, if you enjoy it, space it out..use it for the good of yourself and not just a high.

To conclude, that one small pill changed my life...it unlocked doors and opened avenues I never thought possible. I'm alive today becasue of it, and a better person because of it, so have fun, but BE CAREFUL.

Exp Year: 2001ExpID: 7720
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Jun 29, 2001Views: 7,442
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MDMA (3) : Large Group (10+) (19), First Times (2), Health Benefits (32), Mystical Experiences (9), Glowing Experiences (4)

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