DOSE:	2 hits	oral	LSD	(blotter / tab)
		smoked	Tobacco - Cigarettes

BODY WEIGHT:

180 lb

I used to live on the Gulf Coast in Mississippi, and psychedelics are seldom available save shrooms. I had tried shrooms before eating several ounces, but my results were lackluster. I did not know what to expect, and was taking them for the notoriety of having taken them more than the experience. When I first encountered LSD it was unlike anything I had ever run across. When you hear about something called acid you would expect it to melt your brain, but it does not, not in a literal sense anyway. A friend of a friend had come back from the Bonnaroo music festival with window pane acid and was selling it for cheap so I bought some. I had tried acid before and was amazed at the superficial visuals and the sounds that seemed to come out of nowhere, but after awhile I began to consider myself a professional tripper.

I began to delve into what made it tick, and why if the drug was so strong in small amounts, why it made any difference at all if I took one more than everyone else (Which I did for bragging rights, “I pushed myself even further than everyone else, durdur!”). Started to wonder where the time went, and what I was left to, where I went when I was away. In the height of this particular trip on the window panes I found myself in deep contemplation while I watched Robin Williams on Broadway. The things he said did not seem as funny as they did true. Why was everyone always blabbering on about Atomic weapons? Because they were afraid of them, but why should they be afraid of them if no one will ever use them again? They should not. I found myself sorting through my fears, encountering repressed thoughts ( child abuse and the like), and looking at my friends as human beings instead of these fabricated dolls I had created in my head. I realized how accountable I had been for every action I had ever taken, and how much of my life was up to me. Before this moment I do not think I had really been conscious of my freewill. I don’t think I had ever thought or felt anything genuine. Then I realized something potentially life shattering , this was not the drug, but my mind playing tricks and running in circles. I began to consider what life would be like seeing it from this perspective all the time, and I asked myself if I wanted to go back to living in that stupor or continue to feel this way forever. The friends who I was watching the program with realized something was wrong with me so I suggested that we go outside for some fresh air, and so that we could smoke some cigarettes ( because we were so fucking cool).

Outside beneath a large I told them of my revelation…that the drug was not real. They were not surprised. One of them told me he had figured that out several months before, and another aid that he had speculated that to be the case, but that he was not quite ready to believe something like that yet. Then there was a third friend who asked me if I wanted more acid, then he asked me if I wanted to travel to bourbon street, and all kinds of other weird things like that. I told him no each time, but he persisted as if he had not heard anything I had said. It got to the point where I felt like reaching across and punching him, but then I had another idea. Me hitting him was exactly what he was trying to get me to do. I decided to forgive him for his absurdity rather than giving into some animalistic urge. Then he broke down and cried. He told us that his Mustang meant he was cool, and then he asked us if we thought he was cool too? We went along and told him that we did. He cried more and ran through a list of things that made him think he was cool. Finally I decided I would like to go for a walk and stretch my legs in this new world I had discovered. The friend who was not ready to accept stayed with the one who would not, and the two of us began walking down a long road toward some water at the end of my street.

I told him that I wanted to tell other people about the way I felt. Told him that I had been living in bullshit for so long, and now everything made sense. He began to tell me about Christianity, which I was familiar with, but I had long been agnostic. The trip had not changed my agnosticism. It just made me think that I had been tripping on life, and now I was tripping on death. I had made up my mind to stop tripping period by this point. That was until he began to tell me how Christ had died for my sins and all these bible stories. He said after his BIG TRIP ( the one like I was having) the Bible helped him keep his sanity. I thought that he had felt alone after his trip, and the Bible gave him something absurd he could cling onto, but my newfound innocence got the best of me. I began to believe him about God ,Jesus, and Christianity. For months afterward I claimed that what I had experienced was salvation. My soul had been cleansed by the blood of Jesus Christ! People noticed a drastic change in me.

I had been selling pounds of pot just days before, and now I was striving to be a good Christian. It was not me, and as things do that are not, my religion eventually faded, and I found myself in a greater darkness than I had ever encountered. I felt that my friend had unknowingly betrayed me. Religion had kept him from feeling alone with the universe, but throughout my life that was all I was ever looking for. That feeling made me feel whole, and now because of this implantation of Southern Baptist doctrine I was lost again….cut off from myself in every sense. Tabula Rasa, a blank slate. Now two years later I’ve managed to put myself back together not as much as I would like nowhere near as I ha that night, Substance abuse has re entered my life, though I do not find myself placing the faith in the substances as I did before. LSD on the whole has never brought me that close to something again.

Exp Year: 2007	ExpID: 77218
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Mar 19, 2018	Views: 862
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