Citation: Some dude. "The Perfect Drug?: An Experience with Lorazepam & Cannabis (exp77434)". Erowid.org. Aug 23, 2022. erowid.org/exp/77434
The purpose of this experience report is to provide anecdotal evidence for the effectiveness of Lorazepam in dealing with general panic attacks, and panic attacks associated with marijuana. The recreational aspect of this drug is also examined.
This experience all began in middle school, in a way. I began getting panic attacks for no apparent reason. They would happen all the time. In class, during a basketball game, walking home, etc. They were very bad, and typical of most panic attacks. Shortness of breath, sped up heart rate, feeling of choking, the usual.
Well, towards the end of my high school career, I began to get a handle on the attacks. I would still have them, of course, but not nearly as often and never as severe. As college began, I basically had them completely under control.
Then I smoked marijuana.
Before college, like most of my friends, I had only tried alcohol. In college, however, most of my new friends smoked weed. Whenever they would ask me if I wanted to join them, I would politely decline. However, one time I was curious and decided “Hey, these guys are normal guys, chances are this drug isn’t too bad”. So I smoked. I didn’t really feel much my first few times (mostly due to improper smoking technique). Well, one night, my friends and I rolled 2 huge blunts. Long story short, I finally got high. I mean, really high. I freaked out, but somehow found a way to ride through it for the time being.
Afterwards, however, the panic attacks returned. I could no longer control them, and they were worse than ever. Despite this, I continued to smoke weed. I learned how to control my panic when I smoked most of the time, but it was always in the back of my mind.
Fast-forward to three weeks ago. Having just bought a new health insurance plan through my college, I decided seeing a psychiatrist should be on the top of my priorities. I ended up getting a prescription for .5mg Lorazepam (Ativan) 1-3 times daily to cope with a panic attack, and Citalopram (Celebrex) once daily to prevent the panic attacks. I began by just taking the Citalopram, and experienced very negative side effects that made my panic attacks worse. I stopped taking the Citalopram (even though the doctor said that these side effects would go away in a month or so, I just couldn’t take it).
With the Citalopram being a huge bust, I then turned to the Lorazepam. I was curious as to the effects of it, as I had heard that these can be taken recreationally. To begin with, I was very cautious. I was sure to get a full nights sleep beforehand to prevent being overly tired when on the drug. Even though I was given the weakest dose possible, I was skeptical about taking a full pill right off the bat. So I took half of a pill on an empty stomach. Immediately after I took it (T+0mins), my heartbeat increased and I was worried that I had just ingested a drug that I have no idea how it will affect me. After about 10 minutes of sitting around, not feeling anything, I decided to take the other half (T+10mins). Another ten minutes later, I noticed that my heart rate had completely returned to base line and I was no longer remotely worried about putting this foreign drug into my body.
Feeling calm enough to not worry about anything, I felt that I should at least take the maximum dose that the doctor prescribed. I mean, he had an MD, he had to know what he was talking about. I took another full pill, bringing the total dosage to 1mg (T+20mins). Shortly afterwards, I noticed a definite shift in my state of mind and body. I felt like I couldn’t completely control my body, and when I gathered up the energy to walk to the bathroom, my legs felt as if they were made of Jell-O. I popped another .5mg pill (T+30mins). I was at the maximum recommended dose, and I was feeling at complete peace with the world. I wouldn’t say that it was happiness, exactly. The mental feeling was more like “I don’t really care” rather than “I’m ecstatic.” In a way, it makes me mentally numb. The body feelings that accompanied the mental alteration were magnified. Observing the movement of a limb was almost as if it were controlled by someone else. If the mental numbing did not accompany this, it would be almost panic-inducing.
As these feelings (or lack thereof) were present, I began to wonder what the effects of adding marijuana to the mix would be. I was home alone in my apartment, and I still had about an hour and a half before class to kill. So I rolled a joint, a large one at that. Probably about a full gram or so. I proceeded to smoke it (T+45mins), blowing all of the smoke out of the window, so as not to allow my roommates to smell it when they came back later in the day. I also slid my roommates chair close to the door, so when he walked in, the door would hit the chair, and I would have time to throw the joint out of the window. As soon as I was done, I could definitely feel the marijuana. I had all the perks of the marijuana high, but without the panic attacks/anxiety that comes with it. I was in heaven at this point. After realizing that I had smoked a considerable amount, I did not want the Lorazepam to wear off before the marijuana did. So I popped yet another .5mg pill (T+85mins), bringing the dosage to 2mg.
At this point, I realized that I was completely fucked up. I decided to listen to some music. I put on some headphones, and sank into the music. I closed my eyes and pictured what the song was about. It was extremely vivid, although I would not say a hallucination.
I closed my eyes and pictured what the song was about. It was extremely vivid, although I would not say a hallucination.
I would almost say that I was hypnotized by the songs that were playing (Lorazepam is a hypnotic, after all). At the end of each song, however, I would snap out of it and realize that I had been completely absorbed by the music. As the next song began, I would fall right back in. It was amazing. However, during some of the songs, I had an extremely powerful feeling that someone was watching me, and several times I turned to see who it was. I was legitimately shocked whenever I would turn to see that nobody was there.
This cycle continued for what I thought was maybe about half of hour. I decided it would be a good idea to smoke just a little more, just to make sure my high lasted. Just a bowl this time, not a huge amount (T+115mins). Afterwards, I began the hypnotic music session again, only this time it was MUCH more vivid. The emotions conveyed in the songs seemed to resonate within me. It was like every song was written especially for me. It was the best experience I’ve ever had listening to any music.
In my mind, I thought I still had a lot of time before class to sober up and act normal. Imagine my horror when I looked at the clock and discovered my Organic Chemistry class had already came and went. It turns out I was a lot more hypnotized by the music then I thought I was. Had I really been that out of it for that long? A full hour? I decided one more pill wouldn’t hurt anything, since I had already missed my class. As soon as I popped one last .5mg pill (T+175mins), my roommate walked in. I had forgotten to move his chair back, and he asked why I put the chair there. I tried to make up some excuse, like I was trying to get the ethernet cord to stretch or something, but it came out much less fluid than I had hoped. I hadn’t realize how slurred my speech was before this, because I hadn’t been talking to anyone. My roommate asked if I was drunk, to which I replied that I was just tired. I had to get out of there, because he knew something was up, so I tried to go eat at the local Chipotle. Somehow, I made it there. My memory of walking there, ordering, and eating is spotty at best.
Afterwards, I came back, did some homework (I.e., learned the stuff that I had missed that day in class), and overall felt a sense of peace the rest of the night. It took about another hour or so for the actual “high” part of it to wear off. The anxiolytic portion of the drug continued, however. Not a twinge of anxiety whatsoever, even though I should have been freaking out that my roommate knew I was on some drug.
Since this incident, I have not taken it recreationally again. I have been taking the recommended dosage, and it works wonders with regular panic attacks. Seriously, not a worry in the world, even without the sluggish feeling.
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