Erowid relies on the generosity of the public for funding.
Please, include Erowid Center in your charitable giving!
Used to be Fun, Now I'm a Paranoid Freak
by K
Citation:   K. "Used to be Fun, Now I'm a Paranoid Freak: An Experience with Cocaine (exp776)". Aug 4, 2000.

  repeated insufflated Cocaine (powder / crystals)


First time I took it I liked it, but it wasn't too intense. The more I used, the more enjoyable it became. I could talk and talk and talk... And, God, play yahtzee and rummy til the wee hours. Crosswords became particularly addicitve. I would play solitare on the computer until I was cross-eyed. Everything was so damn interesting. Everybody you did it with was your best friend, reminded me of old sleep-over parties when I was nine years old, shared secrets, and life was still amazing.

I don't know when it changed. I became a more regular user, and then I would start to get shaky and really wired. I would start thinking that my mom was going to come over unexpectedly to say hi and catch me doing it. I would start looking out the peephole and listening for strange noises. I would see things, like when you were a kid and were convinced that strange, distorted shadows were monsters, only I thought it was someone just dropping by. Then I started worrying about people breaking in, especially if I had watched the evening news and heard horrible crime stories. At one point I sat on the floor and turned off all the lights. It was really sick. But I still found the courage to turn on the lights and quickly cut up another line. I bought freaking pepper spray and kept in nearby. It was NOT fun anymore. But I am still using. My boyfriend tells me to chill out while he sits there and plays on the computer. The only way I ever do it anymore is if I drink or take valium while I do it. Then it's fun again.

I don't know what happened to my body chemistry that created this paranoia. I remember reading about a guy who thought people where after him from inside the T.V... Can you imagine? But I wasn't much better. I won't party with anyone anyone anymore cause I know they will think I'm wacko when I start to get quiet while everyone else is 'going' and having fun. I have to force myself to drink when I do coke because I forget, and that's when I have problems. Steady flow of alcohol, though, and it's like old times. I don't get that locked-up feeling.

Can you imagine being so wired you think you're developing blood clots in your legs or you're about to have a stroke? And still wanting more when it runs out?

Maybe I'm just doing some really good coke! It's also occured to me that it might be cut with crank (speed), which I react badly to. I think I also need some really good vodka to go with the really good coke. So there's my story. I hope none of you can get my name and address from this post and come and GET me. Ha ha. I think.

Exp Year: 2000ExpID: 776
Gender: Not Specified 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Aug 4, 2000Views: 78,382
[ View as PDF (for printing) ] [ View as LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Switch Colors ]
Cocaine (13) : Various (28), Health Problems (27), Difficult Experiences (5)

COPYRIGHTS: All reports are copyright Erowid and you agree not to download or analyze the report data without contacting Erowid Center and receiving permission first.
Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.

Experience Vaults Index Full List of Substances Search Submit Report User Settings About Main Psychoactive Vaults