DOSE: T+ 0:00	1 hit	oral	LSD
T+ 0:30	1 hit	oral	LSD

BODY WEIGHT:

170 lb

Ryan and I awoke in a small cabin situated on a hill in a beautiful forest in northern California. For several weeks before, we had been looking forward to trying acid for the first time. He and I have been very close for several years; we’ve spent four weeks backpacking through Europe, we’ve spent countless hours submerged in philosophical discussions about society, existence and the universe, and we knew each other’s family and each other’s life story extensively. We slowly got out of our sleeping bags, excited to face the day.

Shortly after breakfast, we placed one tab each in our mouths. I swished mine around everywhere, being sure to create and swallow as much saliva as I could. Everything was prepared, and we went back inside. We sat on the couch, listening to Sound Tribe Sector 9’s album, Artifact, and waiting for the drug to set in.

After 20 minutes, we both agreed we were feeling a bit spacey but wanted more. We each took one more tab. We continued to sit and talk about the physical effects we were feeling. We figured we would set out on our forest journey, and that it would fully set in somewhere along the way.

We started walking down a path surrounded by plants and trees, and my perspective started to change. I began focusing on the fact that I, like everything I saw, was just an organism that has evolved to its current state. As we reached the clearing and got out from under the trees, I thought about how he and I appeared from the 3rd-person perspective: we were two humans walking down a path and nothing more. I said to him, “we’re just two humans walking, that’s it!” He said, “yep, that’s it!” We continued to jokingly say, “That’s it!” for several minutes, becoming lost in the fact that that was all we were.

We reached a point where the path diverged into three: the path back to the cabin, the path down toward the car, and the path to another trail. I was walking in circles with a big smile on my face, and he was asking which path I wanted to take. I told him, “I’m totally content with standing here walking in circles.” I did not want to stray far from the cabin, knowing my material possessions were there. Additionally, the couch in the cabin was comfortable and warm, and that sounded nice too. We headed back up the trail toward the cabin.

We arrived and sat on a bench outside the cabin, not knowing I was about to have the most powerful moment of my life. I don’t recall exactly how the conversation went, but he said to me, “You are already dead. Your children, if you choose to have them, are already dead.” His saying this made me feel a way I have never felt before. In that moment, I felt the entire history and future of the universe flowing through me. I realized that this moment was nothing more than a summation of everything that has happened before it. I came to see myself and the world I saw as one, being nothing more than the current physical manifestation of the matter that was created at the birth of the universe. Everything I knew about the world exploded in my brain in one constantly moving moment of clarity. Throughout my entire body, mind and spirit, the duality of love and death became clear. It was beautiful in that we have been born into such an amazing universe, but tragic in that we know how our story will end. My eyes were open wide and my jaw hung low. I fell from the bench into a pile on the ground, my cheek on the deck and my head turned toward the vast forest. I lay silently in awe and clarity.

In this moment, everything I knew about the world made sense as a reflection of this human condition. All literature, all music, all science, all philosophy and all religion are just a reflection of this human condition. The structured way that humans live their lives on this planet made sense. It made sense why everything is the way it is.

After a few minutes of running around the cabin saying, “Oh my God, it all makes sense!” I found my way to the couch. I started talking to Ryan more about what I was thinking about: I said something like, “so, all we are [as men] are organisms who wander the earth and impregnate females?” He jokingly said, “yep, and they just incubate that shit!” After a good laugh from that comment, I fell into a state of deep appreciation. I was appreciative of my parents and all they’ve done for me, of every little detail of this beautiful world, and of those who spend their time to take care of the cabin where I found myself. I was mesmerized by how lucky I am to be part of the constantly moving and always living painting that we know as the universe, and realized how beautiful it is that we can choose to live any lifestyle we want. It amazed me that the matter of the universe had transpired in a way that I could come up to this cabin with one of my best friends in the world, take this drug together, and sit and enjoy the glory of existence and the universe.

I noticed the guest book on the coffee table, and I had another epiphany. Seeing as all that is real is the matter of the universe, every moment is the sum of everything that has ever been written. At this point, quotes on peoples’ Facebook profile began racing through my mind; so many brilliant minds have come through this life, and they have done all that they can do, which is write down what they’ve discovered so that I can understand better the situation in which I find myself. I realized that human life is simply being aware that you are part of the physical universe, knowing that you have your entire life to explore it, and having the ability to share your story through changing the matter around you. Writing on pages is like giving instructions to those who come after you, even though those pages are just other pieces of matter. And it’s not only writing; the physical universe is a canvas, and you can leave your mark in any way you choose.

All that truly matters is how we help those who come after us understand the world of which they are a part, just as those scientists, artists and philosophers before me have helped me understand the world of which I am a part. In this moment of truly understanding what it is to be human, I not only felt reborn, but felt truly alive for the first time. The meaning of life for me was to take this drug at this place at this time. I was about to say my first words, and I thought it beautiful that I could pause, think about everything I know, and consciously choose them. I looked at Ryan and said, “our stories are gonna be amazing.”

Exp Year: 2008	ExpID: 77994
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Jul 1, 2020	Views: 632
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LSD (2) : First Times (2), Public Space (Museum, Park, etc) (53)