DOSE:

repeated

Amphetamines

BODY WEIGHT:

145 lb

It seems that I have become so accustomed to adderral that it is hard to just get interested and do my strenuous school work without it. There is not a constant supply and I seem to annoy those who have it. I've never tried to get it for myself, but considering how it affects me, I don't want it. The heightened ability to deal with boring and repetitive tasks is awesome, but after a while, adderral can stop giving me that guaranteed interest boost, and it seems I need it to get motivated at all. Of course, I don't need it; it is simply a chemical that plays tricks with my mind and makes me lazy when I can't be satisfied.

Really, the only negative effects I've had from taking it are strange behavior and disturbed sleep patterns, but it still perpetuates weakness and bad time management. Its not that big of a deal, but it can be, and it is one of those drugs that I am always rationalizing.

Don't get me wrong. I have respect for the drug. It has a purpose if used sparingly as a tool, and being young is a time to have fun experiences, maybe cramming my school work with adderrall now and then. I have had the opposite drive of extreme perfectionism, and have been trapped in cycles of overworking just to do adderrall, even though it makes me feel like shit most of the time I'm not doing it recreationally. I have kind of gotten out of that but not completely. The drug pushes me to make unhealthy choices, when I could be better than that. I also have bad anxiety and am a somewhat heavy cannabis smoker, which seems to have a habitual connection with amphetamine despite the negative side effects. Depression also plays a definite factor, and when I break through it, my mind clears as it did tonight when I failed to get adderral.

I don't really know what it is, but I do know that it is an addictive cycle, and I probably will be getting at least some for finals, but I am doing my most important crap, which could be what I do after college, without the crap. I'm not too concerned, but I think I would be better off if I enforced a routine schedule and laid off the speed. I'm not anti-drug by any means, but I know a healthy mind from a productive but lacking mind.

Exp Year: 2009	ExpID: 78568
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Aug 30, 2018	Views: 1,380
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Amphetamines (6) : Retrospective / Summary (11), Addiction & Habituation (10), Performance Enhancement (50), Not Applicable (38)