Citation: Thomssen. "Four Hours Pure Hell: An Experience with Ayahuasca (exp78644)". Erowid.org. Jun 20, 2018. erowid.org/exp/78644
I am 23 years old male, but I had this experience two years ago. I have used mushrooms and dextromethorphan several times and tried morning glory seeds few times. I also used to smoke pot quite regular basis. Mostly my experiences were good, though there have been also some more negative ones.
I had tried ayahuasca once before. I cooked it from mimosa hostilis and peganum harmala. That experience was quite intence but short. The trip lasted only about half an hour, but that half an hour it was beautiful. While vomiting the toilet bowl was like arabian bath house. When I lied down I felt this intense electrical buzzing in my head, which was unpleasant, but I was able to turn it off. Then I saw some kind of goddess in dark space and sort of life torrents were divided from her. All colours were very bright against the black space. But right after I started to enjoy this amazing experience I started to come down. It was too soon over and left me to hunger some more. My mate also took same dose as I but had not any effects, only nausea. (Later he has tried ayahuasca two more times and still nothing.)
Then came the time of my second experience. I had some psychotria viridis and banisteria caapi. I used several hours to cook these and already felt little nausea from the smell. The set and setting was not the best possible one. I was not in very good mood and not too eager when the time came to drink the brew. I had measured the ingredients so that it should not be too strong. The taste was again very awful but I got it down. Also my friend was taking this and my girlfriend was to be the trip sitter. Friend had some problems drinking it and vomited part of it before it was in her stomach. Maybe that is the reason why she had only for a short time very mild experience. She had only few minutes lasting weird moment, faces on the wall etc.
For me the nausea hit right after drinking yage. Then I went to bedroom where I could be alone. I had a bucket with me for vomiting. When I was on all fours on the floor I started puking. First I thought that only thing I get from this is nausea, there were no other effects yet. Then suddenly it hit me. My perception changed totally. I felt like I was a lizard and I had become one with the floor. I saw visuals everywhere. By that point I decided to go to bathroom. In the hallway I tried to say something to girls but I was not able to make any words. I knew that this was not going to end well. I fell the bad trip coming. After managing to toilet I puked several times. Toilet seat was laughing at me and looked very perversed. My surroundings were not so visual any more, they only had a grim shade of something evil.
After that I fully lost my grip of reality. This was first time to me be tripping so hard that I don't even know that I'm tripping. My girlfriend said that I had been "swimming" in the bathroom floor. After a while I started to tremble. These two girls had to sit on me to keep me still. I couldn't bear any light or I started to tremble even more. My eyes were not like humans at all. I kept saying very evil and perverse things and screamed like in terrible pain. I bite them and myself and tore everything with my hands. For two hours girls had to sit on me and from this whole time I have no recollection. First thing I remember were that I was torn apart from my skin and mind, physically and mentally. The more I fought against, the harder it fought me. Then I understood to give up and it eased for a while. But this loop continued, fighting, harder, giving up, easier. It felt like going on for ever. I felt very dirty physically and in my mind. Next I was laying on the floor in the pool of my own blood which I thought was from my nose. I thought that I'm dying. Even worse it became when my mind said that this death of mine caused the end of whole universe. All seemed to be collapsing and same time I was torn apart. I felt like everything will be destroyed and it's my fault.
I felt like everything will be destroyed and it's my fault.
I cried and screamed and felt like it will never end.
Perhaps after four hours of this hell I started to come down. I have never felt so relieved when I started to understand that reality is here again and this trip to hell over. I seemed to be alive. There was no blood, nothing dirty, all that was only in my head. But I was so tired and so relieved and so happy to be alive again. Just a moment ago I was certain to be dead. Next day we all three were full of bruises, I looked like being in a fight and my girlfriend had the traces of my teeth in her hand.
This trip was worst I have ever had and also few hours of such hell that I have never experienced anything even near it. But it was good lesson to be more careful and a reminder of my own mortality. Now it's two years since this and when I think of this experience I still feel uneasy and it feels like the vomit would be in my throat. I have taken mushrooms once after that. It was nice, though I still felt the presence of this evil and fear of altered states of mind that ayahuasca left in my mind.
If taking ayahuasca, I would be sure that I have someone sober or I might end up dead! And never underestimate the power of yage.
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