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Still Craving
Methamphetamine
by Tabitha
Citation:   Tabitha. "Still Craving: An Experience with Methamphetamine (exp788)". Erowid.org. Aug 4, 2000. erowid.org/exp/788

 
DOSE:
  repeated smoked Methamphetamine (powder / crystals)

BODY WEIGHT: 145 lb


This is a little weird to talk about but hell I know as well as anyone how it is. I come from a really small town. I knew drugs existed but I never really saw them...well except pot which was grown all over. I found out a close friend of mine was heavy into crank and I always lectured her. But one day a long time after I learned she was using. I decided to use it myself because of the incredible high I learned it gave you and I was kinda wondering what it would be like and if it would be better than weed.

I thought I could do it and not become addicted. Well I tried it and loved it. I loved it! I kept doing it here and there and before I knew it I was doing it everyday. Every thing seemed to be going wrong in my life and crank seemed to make it better. My grandpa died last november.....I went to his memorial service spun out of my mind. I was going to school and working. Those got boring for me real quick. Pretty soon my mission in life was to get high. Me and my roomates would spend everyday searching for a quarter and smoke it (occasionally snort it but smoking it was our favorite). We never ever fought until we started doing crank. It makes you irratable and a bitch. It got to the point where we were scraping straws and bags and then licking them.

One night I had been up for almost 4 days and went to this party....smoked some more and did a little weed to come home and was completely paranoid. I swore there were people chanting and trying to get in my house. I thought they were out to get me. I was becoming so paranoid. This didn't only happen once but many times. Not as bad as that night of course. But I would be laying in bed trying to sleep and scared out of my mind that people would break in and kill us. I would alwasy be looking out the window. Finally I moved away just a couple of months ago. Here I don't know anyone and am living with my father who is a preacher. I don't have access to it. I could get it if I wanted it bad enough. But I know what it does to you.

But everyday I think about it. I know if it was in front of me I would do it in a minute. I crave it like crazy. As much as I know it is bad for you....I still want it. I am waiting for that to go away but I am afraid it never will. Whenever I did not have it for a few days or like the past few months. All I did was sleep and eat. I can not believe how much I slept. I went back and looked at all the effects and withdrawal sypmtoms and have been amazed and scared that some white powder has so much control over me.
I want out .....but I want more too. It is crazy to get started but once you do....It is hard to get out of it. It gives you such an incredible feeling that you think that nothing could be bad about it until you don't have it anymore or you have been doing it so long that it is the only thing you can think about and your life is in shambles. I don't suggest anyone to try it but I don't look down on those who can't seem to stop because I know how that feels. The key is to stop being around those who do it too. Once I did it, it was like entering a club. You suddenly know people who do it that you would have never thought and you can pick people out who do it and this is still when you quit. Save yourself and don't try or at least try not to.

Exp Year: 2000ExpID: 788
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Aug 4, 2000Views: 16,884
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Methamphetamine (37) : Retrospective / Summary (11), Addiction & Habituation (10), Various (28)

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