Citation: Psychedaniellia. "The Spirit of the Tryptamine: An Experience with 4-AcO-DMT & Cannabis (exp80457)". Erowid.org. Nov 17, 2009. erowid.org/exp/80457
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A few days ago, I had one of the most breakthrough, meaningful and refreshing trips I've had thus far. My boyfriend (D) and I had acquired some 4-AcO-DMT the week before and had been trying to trip for a few days, but things kept coming up. On the day that we finally were able to, we made 10mg capsules for each of us, plus booster doses of around 3-4mg each. Because of the limited information on this substance, we wanted to start at a small-ish dose in order to feel it out.
7PM: We dropped our capsules and within only ten minutes, I was feeling slightly different. Mostly a feeling of cool washing through my body and a general mood lift. After 30 minutes, I could say that I was definitely starting a mental kind of trip, and D said that his effects were similar.
7:45PM: D took his booster dose, and then I waited about 15 more minutes and decided to take mine. But I for some reason thought it looked small, so I took what looked like a TINY bit more out of the RC bag and added it to what I was taking. Looking back, it was probably about 2-3mg more.
9PM: I was tripping very NICELY! D was on his computer and at one point played some music that made me feel nervous, so I asked him if he would turn it off. I went to the bathroom, and when I looked on the walls, I saw words in the designs, saying (or seeming to say) things about the next door neighbors. I went back to D's room and told him about it, and he found it funny. He stayed at the computer, and I stayed on his bed reveling in the sensation of being rained down on by the spirit of the tryptamine. I found this feeling to be kind of masochistic (on my end) and even a bit sexual. It was a feeling of submitting the substance; I felt it take more and more control. I felt that this trip was going to be pretty intense, which would sometimes be a bit anxiety-provoking for a second, but I was able to dismiss it. At the same time, I was very excited, and the feeling was extremely pleasurable and led me into what I would describe as a spiritual realm.
I smoked a bowl with D around this time and then lied down on his bed again, lost in my thoughts and visuals. I had an interesting visualization representing my mind and the psilacetin's effect on it. I saw and felt my mind being 'sifted through', and had a feeling of something impending around the corner: I saw my mind being 'cut loose' so to speak, through colorful and spinning images. It even seemed that I could feel something physically happening to my brain. From that moment on, my trip was VERY interesting. I remember jumping up abruptly, and realizing that I was tripping harder than I ever had before (besides n,n-DMT). I felt driven to go outside, and my legs took me up and out of the room, almost as if I wasn't the one even controlling them. I motioned for and told D to come outside with me. I didn't feel that I could communicate very well with him through words, but I think he understood pretty well. As we walked downstairs, I noticed that D's parents were still up. I must've had extreme distortion with my sense of time, because this surprised me greatly. I'd thought it was way too late for them to be up, maybe around 12AM, but instead it was only 9:30PM.
9:30PM: After this time, I didn't keep track anymore. After D and I got outside, we walked around and sat down in the grass for a bit. I felt strange walking around and felt as if I might fall over, though this was probably a false notion, so I laid flat in the grass. I felt that I belonged more there, though it reminded me of death and being buried. I didn't tell D about this because I didn't want him to get the wrong impression and be afraid that I was having a bad time. A bit later, D informed me that he was going inside to get some food, but I apparently either didn't understand him, or I kept forgetting. I kept telling him to come back and grabbing his arm because I didn't know where he was going. My thoughts were spiraling all over the place, and then it occurred to me that I was just not remembering things that had been said to me before. It came back to me that I'd taken 4-aco-DMT, and I realized that I had little to no connection to any kind of 'past' or identity (some ego loss). This didn't really bother me, because I thought to myself that I was finally having quite a breakthrough experience! Of course, my thought process wasn't so clear at the time. It's only through looking back that I can completely piece things together. After realizing this, I knew that I just had to completely let go in order to enjoy the experience. And I did!
I went back into the grass and lied down. There was a storm going on, though there wasn't much rain. There was constant thunder in the distance though and the pink and purple sky was lit up frequently by the lightning. When I looked around at my surroundings, I didn't really see things the way I normally do; everything was unrecognizable, but insanely beautiful. Sometimes when I would look at something, such as a tree, it would be accompanied by some sort of weird synth that D had been using in FL Studio earlier. The synth I would hear would explain to me what the thing was which I was looking at (it made sense at the time). I also would hear random song/synth bits that somehow took on a sinister feel to them, but they would dissipate quickly and my mind would move on to something else. Just as I began to disappear into a very psychedelic plane of existence that felt very spiritual to me, D came back. I remember feeling slightly unnerved at his presence when he first appeared, but then I became used to him being there. He seemed very foreign to me and even threatening at times, and I wasn't connecting who he was in my life, but I knew that I felt drawn to him anyway and so I tried not to question it so much.
I remember that during my trip, there were a lot of fragments of dreams popping up. My general feeling was VERY reminiscent of the way I feel in dreams, and at some points I questioned whether I was actually dreaming or awake. I also experienced visualizations and scenes of things that had happened in my life, but they didn't feel like 'my memories', instead, they seemed distant and unfamiliar to me as if they weren't a part of my life at all, but rather like scenes from movies. Through this, I could see 'what really happened' from a detached point of view, devoid of emotions and memories that would normally cause a spin on my perception of the actual events and in turn alter my perspective.
I remember that when D would talk to me, I would hear his words, but I couldn't register the meaning of his sentences normally. I explained this to him, and he understood and he felt connected to me anyway. He jokingly reminded me of who I was and who he was, and I remember that when he told me, it basically gave me a bad feeling, and so I told him that 'I'd prefer to not think about it'. As far as the way I was physically behaving, I was mostly crying and laughing, and couldn't put anything I was feeling into words. When D tried to point out visuals that were in the trees, I couldn't even focus on them because everywhere I looked, everything was just so ridiculous and strange. Yet still so beautiful at the same time. I couldn't quite relate to the idea of visuals, even though looking back I definitely had a lot of them, the idea of citing them seemed mostly silly to me during the trip. When I began to remember things about my life better, I embraced D and cried because I loved him so much.
After tripping, I felt better about things that had been bothering me for a long time. I felt that I'd been making a big deal over a lot of small things, and felt that I could once again appreciate the beauty in life that I'd been closing off the past few months. I had been depressed and had a feeling of doom, but after this trip, I could look at things differently and I felt that I returned back to my enthusiastic and appreciative self, rather than the self-conscious and negative thought-dwelling person that I'd been lately, that I don't feel I truly am or should be. I don't know how long I will be un-depressed, but I'm going to try my best to help myself to stay that way, for I feel more motivated now. It blows my mind to think about just how therapeutic and helpful tripping can be, while so few people, even the majority of users, can see that.
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