Citation: i3iuntmaster. "One Opiate Abuser's Fall and Rise: An Experience with Suboxone (exp80514)". Erowid.org. Nov 7, 2013. erowid.org/exp/80514
This is going to be my story of getting addicted to and abusing opiates for three years and how I found the way out of hole that I had gotten myself into. I hope maybe this can help someone who is in the situation that I was in the past few years. I guess I should begin with a little background. I began taking opiates habitually two and a half, almost three years ago. I had first taken opiates when I was younger. I would take them from my parents whenever they would get a prescription for a hurt back, or dental surgery or whatever. I really enjoyed them, and remember thinking to myself that it's a good thing that these things are hard to come by, otherwise I might develop a problem. Well, around three years ago, a friend got a solid connection (a guy he worked with) for 10mg Vicodin, and we could pretty much get as many as we wanted, whenever we wanted. That's when the trouble began.
At first I would usually pick up five or ten of them at a time, only taking one or two at night and feeling spectacular. A single, ten mg vicodin would last me nearly all night. As we all know, tolerance builds rather quickly with opiates. Soon I started taking them at work, because it made the day fly by. Opiates make some people tired, for me, they give me tons of energy. I would feel amazing taking them at work. I would feel on point, euphoric (obviously), like I was doing a great job, and the hours would literally go by two or three times as fast as they normally would. Soon, instead of buying ten at a time, I was buying twenty at a time, then twenty five, then thirty. It got to the point where I was taking fifteen 10mg vicodin a day, every day. It gets to be a hell of a lot to keep up with, getting the money for all those pills, making sure that your connect can meet you, etc. etc. etc. For a long time, I didn't go a single day without taking several pills. I would get antsy and being to sweat and get agitated if I had to go from 2PM Ė 7PM waiting for my connect to get out of work to get more.
In addition to taking 10mg vicodin, I was taking anything I could get my hands on. After taking vicodin for so long, I started to like Percocet (oxy) more because they lasted a little bit longer and I felt like they fucked me up a little more. In addition I was doing roxies, oxycontin (time release) and anything else that came across my plate. On a few different occasions I even sniffed heroin to keep withdrawals at bay though I made sure not to make it my opiate of choice, only when I could not get any pills at all, rare, it only happened like four times. My life was falling apart. I lost my job, though not because of my addiction, my addiction kept me from getting a job. How could I look for work or go to a new job if I was either looking for pills, high on pills, or withdrawing all the time? It came to the point where I was going to get thrown out of my house for a) not having a job, b) failing at school multiple times (drug related stupidity), and c) being a general asshole to my whole family.
I've always been into drugs, though I was an athlete in high school. I was captain of two sports teams my junior and senior year, and could have continued into college though I wanted to 'have fun' instead. In hindsight that was a mistake. I've always assumed that my life would work itself out, that eventually I would get a great job, make good money, have a family of my own. I'm 24 years old right now and I still haven't gotten my associates degree. I have little experience to even dream about getting a good high paying job. I realized that if I continued down that path, that I could end up being one of those lifetime drug addicts who is struggling just to survive and keep his habit alive. So, rather than get kicked out of my house and go down that path, I decided to tell my parents that I was addicted to drugs, and that I needed help. I have tried to quit using opiates by myself. I am able to make it through the initial, physical withdrawals. It sucks for like three or four days pretty bad with flu like symptoms, achy body, cold sweats, hot flashes, general uncomfortability, etc. My problem is that after that, I can't stand the post-acute withdrawal symptoms which I've heard it called on some addiction special. Basically, that is the exhaustion, depression, the absence of wanting to do anything or go anywhere. The general feeling of shittiness that comes from living for three years with opiates being the only thing that makes you happy. For the duration of my addiction to opiates, they were the only thing that would make me happy, they would take away whatever negative feelings that I had and give me something to look forward to (i.e. my next dose). If I would go clean for a week without any, I wouldn't take solace in the fact that I was doing well, or that I was getting clean. I would just feel shitty, because I was constantly fighting urges to go get pills. I would, inevitably, always relapse. I happened many, many times.
So I told my parents. There were so many reasons that I didn't want to tell them. My parents are two of the greatest people in the world. They love me and care about me and always try to help me. I didn't want to tell them because I didn't want to hurt them or make them feel like they should have known and that they weren't paying attention. There were many reasons not to tell them, but there was one great reason to tell them: my sobriety. So I told them and we began to look at options as to what to do to take care of it. Inpatient rehab was their first instinct and it would probably be a good idea. I did not want to do that at all, so I suggested going to a suboxone doctor that a friend of mine had gone to earlier that year to get off heroin. They were hesitant at first, but after doing some research they said they were willing to give it a try. The cost was relatively high, but after taking this wonderful drug for the first time, it is all worth it.
Okay, so the first time you take it you have to have gone a certain amount of hours since your last opiate, as you can have a bad reaction if you are still high on an opiate when you take suboxone. My last opiate had been at 8 o'clock the night before and I met the doctor at noon. I was feeling a little bit of withdrawal, not too horrible yet. As soon as I took it, I began to feel better. I was given 4mg under my tongue, and was taking that three times a day. My dose is being cut down quickly, at this point, a week and a half later, I am down to 4 mg twice a day and I still feel great. Let me explain the difference between trying to quit cold turkey and quitting with the help of suboxone.
Quitting cold turkey Ė feels physically terrible, flu symptoms, cold sweats, hot flashes, depression, general unhappiness, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, headache, complete lack of energy, muscle soreness, insomnia, restless legs and arms, and pretty much no chance of going too long without succumbing to the lure of taking a pill to make myself feel happy and give me temporary reprieve from all this bullshit.
Quitting with suboxone Ė None of the above symptoms, with the exception of a slight nausea that goes away when I lay down or if I take something to settle it (Pepto Bismol). I feel happier than I have in a long time and that includes if I were to have snorted a whole oxy 80mg. I'm not feeling shitty withdrawing and I'm not high out of my mind, I feel normal for the first time in a long time. The suboxone gives me a bit of energy, just like the other opiates I take, but that's great. I am actually taking the steps to make my life better right now. I haven't taken a pill in more than ten days, which hasn't happened in the past two years. And the best part is, I don't even have cravings. I haven't been thinking about going out and getting pills, not at all. I feel amazing, truly amazing. I've been talking to and getting along with my parents which hasn't happened in god knows how long. Truly, this is a wonder drug. By the end of the detox, (which is 6 weeks long) I'll have gone over 40 days since taking my last pill. The habituation of buying and sniffing pills will be long gone. Hopefully it is a seamless transition. So far, so good.
For anyone out there who is struggling with addiction to any type of opiate and doesnít think that you have any way out, please know that this can help you. Look into it, you donít have to fight every day trying to stop cold turkey, you donít have to continue killing yourself with drugs. Iím just so happy that I found this amazing drug and hope other people can benefit from it as well.
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