Citation: maddux. "Rearranging My Thoughts: An Experience with LSD & Beer (exp80761)". Erowid.org. Jan 30, 2021. erowid.org/exp/80761
Headed over to a mate’s house for the night, he was having a small gathering or around 10-20 people. He suggested that I try the LSD I had purchased at his, as he was experienced and able to take care of me. I was in a very optimistic mood and definitely comfortable with the crowd that was at the house currently. I had not eaten anything since breakfast, over the course of the trip had between 5-6 beers (4.7%).
- 7:45pm I decided to just try out one piece of blotter, just as a test. Tasted sort of weird... almost metallic, the sort of taste when you put soap in your mouth (as I have found out, when my idiot 9yo brother decided to cover my toothbrush in soap, and me not noticing started to brush my teeth).
- 8:15pm Hmm, not really feeling all that much, maybe a slight change of perception and general thought process, nothing too obvious, no pupil dilation, no discomfort at all. Seriously considered at this point having another tab, my close mate talked me out of it, claiming that 'I should just let it happen'.
- 8:30pm Decide to go for a walk down to the bottle-o to buy some beer, walk up to the counter, pay for it, then start my walk back to the house. Now, this is when thing started to happen. I felt the sudden urge to urinate, which I thought kind of odd because I hadn't eaten or drunk anything since 8am. I walk down an alleyway, and face towards a metallic corrugated garage door. All of a sudden, I notice that the door is 'breathing' moving in and out as if it is weightless and being blown by a gust of wind. This is where the trip starts to begin.
- 8:40pm I can feel that my pupils are dilated before even looking in the mirror, I was able to tell this as I could see when I looked at the street lighting, the colours of the rainbow with a strong blue hue around them. This is generally the same with me, when I have taken MDxx substances; it is one of the first things I notice. I feel very tight around my chest area, my mouth is starting to dry out.
- 9:00pm Arrive back at the house. I can definitely feel the acid taking control of me now. After a quick glance in the mirror I notice that my pupils are extremely dilated and pretty much cover the entire iris. Fortunately at this current time, I was with a group of friends that were experienced with the drug and could give me advice. My thought process is racing, yet also very clear, there is some definite intent there in my thinking, just what yet I don't know.
- 9:15pm It is around now that I start to notice from what I will now call 'Time-Lag'. I would watch people move in front of me, and instead of their body being in one place, it seemed that there body was in many places at once. Someone would throw something, and I could see it in all stages of its motion, as if it staggered camera action shots all thrown together to form a sort of video. I was experiencing tonnes of visuals, for a period of time I saw everyone blowing a bubble with a piece of pink bubblegum out of the corner of my vision, yet when I looked at the person directly it would disappear. I am seeing patterns and shapes appear on the brickwork of the outside of the house, twisting and turning snakes and branches. Around now, a friend at the party asks if he can buy a piece of blotter from me, I told him the price (which was what I paid, no profit) and he gleefully accepted, more about him later.
10:00pm - A new bunch of people arrive to the house, some that I know, some that I don't. This makes me feel very uncomfortable, the sort of feeling you get on your first day of school, where you don't know anybody, yet it seems that everyone else already knows each other. One of the biggest revelations I experienced during my trip occurred around now. Two of what I would call my friends sat down next to me, they are extremely closed-minded about drug use, I thought to myself “no illegal substances, but poisoning yourself to death with alcohol and cigarettes is fine?”, kind of hypocritical considering I do both. My sense of humour is still working. They kept on asking me if I was “OK?”, I remembered thinking “What do you want me to say? Yes? No?” and then thinking to myself... “Am I really OK?” I thought back to what I would call my “previous life” all the choices and decisions I had made which had got me to this point, how some of them turned out bad and some of them good. My thoughts were going like crazy, a million miles an hour, it seemed like I had opened up a doorway, through which an endless torrent of thoughts/feeling/emotions flooded through. Playing with my head, tormenting me.
11:30pm – Basically, from 10pm til now, I am certain that all I did was just sit on a chair and apparently “mutter under my breath”. Yet it felt like so much more than that. Maybe to the far more onlooker I looked a little like a zombie, almost in a trancelike state. But in my head amazing thoughts and visuals were playing themselves out. The next thing I remember is a wave of thoughts about my family and friends. Distinctly thinking, that they are just a figure of my imagination, the labels/tags that I place on them are unfair and maybe I need to revaluate my feelings towards them. This was further proved by the fact that one of my friends spent the next 15 minutes waving his hands in front of my face asking me if it “tripped me out” and asking me “is it as good as weed?”. What kind of a question is that, how can you compare something as mild as weed to something as wild and untamed as LSD? Chalk-and-cheese. I remember thinking about how “naïve” they were to even ask me that question. From now on, I just wanted to me left alone.
12:00am – Two of my mates who live near me decide that it is time for us to leave the house, and head off towards home. Against my will, we begin walking. The next 30 minutes consisted of me walking, for what seems like miles, but as I understand was only around 2 kilometres. One of my mates asked me if I wanted a smoke, I declined saying “I don’t smoke”. He seemed puzzled, I am normally the one who gives smokes out to people, and he was only trying to repay me for my generosity towards him, a true, kind friend. Thoughts still are racing. Both closed and open eye visuals, as well as some auditory hallucinations.
12:15am – We decide to stop off at a park. My friends are only drunk, it makes me realise how much I dislike the effect that alcohol has on people, turning absolutely great people into retarded, semi-coherent infants. We met up with the guy that I had previously sold blotter to earlier. We walked up to him, he was an absolute mess, he had no idea who we were, much less where he was. I had prepared myself for this trip mentally beforehand; I had made a conscious and fully-sober decision. I read up all I could on websites, til I felt that I had the best knowledge possible and felt comfortable. When I had sold blotter to him earlier, he had been under the influence of speed, weed, and a lot of alcohol. His decision to take it was spur-of-the-moment; he didn’t fully understand what he was getting himself into. Yet I sold to him anyway, in hindsight a bad decision. I thought he could handle it, and I freely admit I was wrong. He throws up, his pupils the size of dinner plates, completely unintelligible. I feel the need to leave this scene, so I head off, without even saying goodbye.
12:45am – Arrive home. Wander through the darkness towards my bedroom, careful not to wake my parents or my brother. Take off my clothes, and chuck on an old T-shirt. This is weird; I feel an amphetamine type buzz running throughout my body. I feel like I am regaining some sense of normality, but I know deep down I am deluding myself. It seems to me that sitting alone in the darkness only amplified the effects of the LSD. I had a stage... where I thought about my friends and family and how they were just a figment of my imagination. That they didn’t really exist. That I didn’t exist. I tried staring at myself in the mirror, I found this very horrific, one of the worst decisions I have made. I saw myself with bugs crawling out of my skin, I wanted to look away but I was horribly transfixed. My face morphed into many different things; most disconcerting at all was the featureless face of a manikin. I felt like crying, scared and alone.
2:30am – The experience continues. Although I can feel it weakening, the powerful grip releasing me, slowly. By now, I just want this experience to end, I have had enough. It is now that I feel the first sign of a slightly normal consciousness reappearing. The sense of hunger, a feeling which I had forgotten and had only just relearned. Since I had arrived home, I had visited the bathroom multiple times to urinate. The weight on my thoughts seems to have lifted slightly, like a patch of blue sky between grey clouds. A sign of the future, after the trip, which I could have, if I manage to succeed. I am not sure if I experienced what they call “ego-loss”. IF ego-loss means reforming one’s identity into something better by the insight given to them in the trip, then this has definitely occurred. I feel built anew, rejuvenated.
4:00am - I manage to eat something. Two small packs of potato chips, I know that the experience is almost over, and I am returning to somewhere near baseline. I check my pupils in the mirror, almost back to normal. I can feel the tiredness washing over me, for some reason I have aches and pains in my joints and muscles, and cant keep still and keep occasionally have muscles spasms which cause me to jerk around. I turn on the portable miniature radio, I find that listening to the spoken word helps me to fall asleep, and deal with my insomnia problems. I tune it into the cricket, Australia have lost 10 wickets between lunch and tea. My stomach drops.
5:00 – I lie down in bed. I am sure I am ready to sleep now. I know that I only have around 5 hours sleep maximum as I have to get up at around 10am. I think I fall asleep around about 5:30, although I don’t actually remember it, no memorable dreams at all.
Day After - When I wake up I feel as though I have slept for ages, despite this I feel sore in all my muscles and joints, and desperately hungry. My thoughts about this experience are very muddled, and that is part of the reason I writing about it. It allows me to systematically go through my memories and piece together the events that unfolded. I think it also will allow me to communicate how the experience was the many of those who haven’t tried LSD yet.
There were parts there where I felt like I had lost it all. Despite all my preparations, I barely made it through with my sanity intact. I do think that the experience was positive, and if not positive certainly not negative. I feel like I have a definite goal in my life, I want to finish school and go to university. I feel that I have a lot to learn about myself still, and who knows maybe LSD is the only way to really learn who I am and why I am here. LSD could provide the answers, but then again it might just open up more questions.
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