Cacti - T. pachanoi
Citation: Bittersweetblissfull. "Was Blind But Now I See: An Experience with Cacti - T. pachanoi (exp80787)". Erowid.org. Mar 19, 2010. erowid.org/exp/80787
I only had to read a few San Pedro experiences on Erowid to know that Mescaline was the entheogen for me. I am 23 years old and over the past 6 years I have tried Mushrooms 5 times, Acid 2 times, and Ecstasy around 100 times. In high school I tried Mushrooms and never got anything out of the experience, I ate them to get “messed up” and did not realize how psychedelic drugs could reveal such truth at the time. That was until I tried 3 tabs of acid for the first time the summer of 2005 while in college and experienced a glimpse of the “god head”, all I needed was a glimpse and ever since then I have been fascinated by these different realities. I spent time every day researching entheogens, reading experiences, reading studies, while emerging myself in the idea that I had possibly found the greatest thing on earth.
Shortly thereafter I had another opportunity to try Acid, but it was not anything like the acid experience from before, the complete opposite actually. I was completely let down. I felt like I had lost my passion for these drugs and that what I had previously believed about their potential was completely off. I was depressed and gave up on all these wonderful substances. I threw out my idea of going to Peru for a Spirit Quest, I passed up two chances to smoke DMT, I fell back into society, believing these were nothing but drugs that had no spiritual purpose. That was three years ago.
As of two days ago, I am now again a faithful believer in Entheogens and their positive nature once again!!! Drunk one night last week, I ordered San Pedro from an online site. My live in boyfriend didn’t even know what San Pedro was or that it contained Mescaline and I had only learned of this 20 minutes previously but without hesitation we ordered 2 feet of the cactus to be shipped over night for an extra $25. The package arrived and the cuttings were beautiful, bright green, thick cacti. Although we ordered two 12 inch arms, we had one 13 inch and one 14 inch arm. I was pleasantly surprised to say the least! We decided to skin them, put them into a food processor, spread the mush onto a few baking trays and wait for the cactus mush to dry, then put it back into the food processor and then take the powder from that and put it into capsules to avoid the apparent horrible taste of the San Pedro.
Well… we woke up early the next morning around 8 am and found that the cactus mush did not dry over night, but most of the water had evaporated. Because we were both so excited to trip and because we had our minds set on that morning, we grabbed two spoons and began to spoon it in our mouths without chewing while downing it with cranberry juice. The thick muck slid down our throats and we could feel it plop in our belly’s. As long as it didn’t touch your taste buds in the wrong spot, it was not that bad. It took about 6 big spoonfuls each to finish the goop. We were finished eating the cactus in 5 minutes and after reading other people’s experiences of eating San Pedro, we were quite proud of ourselves! We set the timer on the oven for exactly 1 hour, we were hoping by then we would be tripping and could decide whether we wanted to spend the day at home around the city and at the city park up the street or if we wanted to drive to Forest Park, a huge national Forest with trails about a 10 min drive from our house. We wanted to make sure we were ok to drive before we set out on that adventure to the forest. [Erowid Note:
Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. Don't do it!]
I got in the shower while my boyfriend listened to music and prepared himself for the trip. I got out, got dressed, laid down on the bed and waited for the trip to begin. My boyfriend came in the room and laid down with me, at this point we were both starting to feel a little sick. I grabbed the garbage from the kitchen and lay back down. We laid there through the timer and then through another hour timer. It had been two and a half hours until we were over the sick feeling (we didn’t once throw up) At this point I stood up and noticed the first effects of the Mescaline. It’s totally working, I said to my boyfriend, I told you we prepared it right! He got up and we both felt silly but very happy, looking out the bedroom window we both knew we needed to be outside. Everything outside was sparkling, the cars, the trees, the people. We walked through the park with our dog, the park seemed so alive, I couldn’t walk slow enough to take everything in. I felt like we were little kids again and I had never been in this park. Unlike the onset of Acid or Mushrooms, there was no confusion at all just a twinge body high and the world looked beautiful!
When we got back to the house it had been 3 ½ hours since we had eaten the cactus. Both my boyfriend and I thought that going to Forest Park would be the Ultimate trip setting. He assured me that he was ok to drive and I trusted him completely. I felt like I was floating while I walked around, I felt so incredibly light, and I couldn’t wipe the grin off of my face, I was just happy. We got in the car, iPod in hand and I knew exactly what to play, Dan Gibson’s Solitudes. It was amazing, the sounds of the birds and rain accompanied by the soft piano playing an indescribable melody. My boyfriend started to drive and all I could do was look out the window and fall in love with the world around me. As we drove out of the city and started to wind up the road to the forest I realized that it felt like hours since we left the house but the clock told me it had only been 6 minutes and at that moment I realized that I was beginning to trip even harder. I had a moment of panic, knowing we were driving away from home and we were steadily tripping harder and harder and we had no idea how hard we were going to trip.
I thought to myself, what if we can’t drive home and we are stuck in the forest? At this point I did not like the idea of driving so far away from home when I had no idea what mescaline was going to do to us! I just wanted to be home, I wanted to drive back home where it was save. A second later right before I blurted this out, something inside me said, there is no such thing as “home” we create home in order to feel “safer” but there is no such thing as “home.” It made so much sense to me, I realized that as humans we create “home” for no reason but to feel safe. And I felt as though I needed to let that go to experience what was about to take place. It was a false sense of safety and I was not going to let myself feed into that. Once I got over not being home I accepted that we were on our way to the forest to experience something great. Right when we got to the trail head which seemed like hours later, we got out and I couldn’t move, the sun was shining and the trees were glistening and everything felt like a story book, it was breath taking.
As we walked to the trail and started down I felt as though we were guests and the forest was inviting us in. At first I felt like the forest was not sure about us being there and they were not very “friendly.” I felt like we were trespassing into sacred territory and I felt a little uneasy as I looked at the huge trees swaying in the wind. Every little plant, flower, tree, bush looked so unbelievably alive. The farther we went down the little dirt trail the more I felt the presence of the forest. We came upon another trail that led off the main one, I didn’t ever remember seeing this trail ever before, we started up it and right in front of us were 4 big trees facing us as if to greet us. They were the brightest color of blue and Chris agreed with me. They looked as if they were the king trees of this part of the forest and as I walked by I placed my hand on one and it felt so amazingly orgasmic, I felt like I was connecting with them and I told them that I loved them and that I loved the forest and nature and how much they are underappreciated by our kind. At this point the uneasiness lifted from my chest and it was as if the whole forest rejoiced by our presence.
I felt a very strong presence about the forest as if they were aware of us, aware of humans and their entity in a way felt more powerful than any other species on earth. We were the guest’s and they made it known. I shed a tear because of the over whelming sense of guilt of what we have made of all the forests in the world, and they were defiantly aware of what we have done. I wanted to touch every plant and feel its spirit and connect with every tree. I wanted to shout out how much I appreciated their beauty. They were more powerful than us in a way. It was overwhelming and beautiful at the same time. As we walked out of the forest back to the car I felt them calling for us to stay and enjoy each other for we had both known the truth. Leaving was the hardest thing to do, but my boyfriend insisted we went home.
The drive home must have been the most peaceful I have ever felt in my entire life, why do we dwell on simple problems of everyday life, why don’t we see what really matters? Why is our reality so destructive and distant from the truth? Mescaline felt normal, the feeling I felt on the way home felt like what us humans should feel all the time, why isn’t this our reality? I felt so clear headed, joyful and free and yet full of knowledge that no one else seemed to know. We listened to Dan Gibson and drove home floating in peaceful solitude.
When we got home we brought the iPod in and laid down in bed still swirling in ecstasy, the sun shone through the window onto our naked bodies and we embraced each other and made love for what seemed like the first time, we felt like Adam and Eve. I imagined we were in a grass field surrounded by flowers and rivers. As we made love I couldn’t tell the difference between his soul and mine, we were one. We laid together for hours after, laughing the afternoon away, no worries, just pure bliss. Although I did not necessarily learn anything about myself except that I am comforted by the false existence of “home” I did learn that we are not the most powerful on this earth, we are not the most wise but perhaps the most blind. I will defiantly be enjoying San Pedro in the future. I was in love with my experience.
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