Citation: kal divinorum. "The World Proceeded to Attack Me: An Experience with Piperazines (exp81013)". Erowid.org. Oct 22, 2022. erowid.org/exp/81013
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Well at this point in time I was 17 years old and had experience with marijuana, alcohol, ecstasy on many occasions, methamphetamine, adderall, hydrocodone, morphine, heroin, codeine, oxymorphone, LSA, Salvia, and various other substances and herbs. At the time of my experience I was taking Lexapro for depression and anxiety.
Being recently discharged from an inpatient rehab, I found myself craving some sort of high, and so I talked to a couple of friends who said they could hook it up with some E. I didn't have any money at the time so I went to the local college and pawned a few old textbooks for around 35 bucks, which seemed like a major rip-off to me considering I bought them for over $100 each. Anyway, I ended up meeting with my hook at around 5 in the afternoon and picked up 4 red ecstasy pills with a Buddha stamp on them. I had taken similar pills beforehand with the exact stamp but there was something very odd about the stamp which I could not put my finger on. When I asked why the print looked a little more defined than previous pills of the same brand I was told that ' they're new generation Buddhas'. Having seen revised brands of pills before I thought nothing of it, and continued home. I was planning to save these pills for the weekend when I could do them with friends, but a voice inside was telling me to just take em', and being abstinent from drugs for almost 3 months, I chewed up the first pill at around 9:00 pm, by myself. I noted that the pill did not taste very bitter compared to other ecstasy pills I had taken, but I thought nothing of it and took a sip of water.
After I popped that pill I sat in my room, put on some Mac Dre, and waited. After about an hour I felt a slight rush, similar to a very mild MDMA high, and thinking that my anti-depressants were inhibiting the drug from fully working, I crushed up another pill and swallowed it with a large gulp of cold water. At around 11:15 pm I noticed that the rush I had felt earlier had gotten a bit stronger, and I was experiencing an adderall like euphoria, but not the lovey dovey ecstasy high of was searching for. Knowing that it must be due to my anti-depressants I carelessly took the other two pills and kicked back to my music.
About a half hour after taking these last two pills I instantly knew I had made a mistake, I started feeling an overwhelming sense of panic, and my heart seemed like it was going to jump out of my chest, but I decided I was just having a panic attack and lay down on my bed taking deep breaths and fantasizing about sex to calm me down and bring back the euphoria. This helped quite a bit
I decided I was just having a panic attack and lay down on my bed taking deep breaths and fantasizing about sex to calm me down and bring back the euphoria. This helped quite a bit
and I went a good 3 hours lying down on my bed and feeling alright, nothing amazing, just super speedy with slight hallucinations and distortions. I had been drinking a lot of water because the drugs had made me ridiculously dehydrated, and therefore had to urinate frequently.
It was about 2 am when I went to urinate that I noticed whenever I stood up to go the bathroom I would black out, my ears would start ringing, and I would fall to the ground. In my head I knew this was a bad bad sign but I tried to convince myself that I was merely extremely high and should enjoy it while it lasts. This thought provided a calming effect for about 3 seconds before I realized what a horrible mistake I had made by ingesting all those pills. I had to crawl to the bathroom to urinate because whenever I would stand up my ears would start ringing and I would pass out. 'This is bad, this is really really bad', was what I kept repeating to myself over and over as I made continuous trips from my bed to the bathroom to urinate every 10 minutes, trying to pee as fast as I could while kneeling over the toilet so as not to pass out.
At around 5 am my symptoms had gotten worse and I noticed my heart was going extremely fast, I measured it and noted it was 120 bpm when lying down, 140 bpm when sitting up, and I could not feel my heartbeat whenever I stood up and just ending up collapsing to the ground at every attempt. In desperation I lay on my bed praying to God that he protect me and I survive through this night, in my mind all I could see was the crying face of my 10 year old brother and 11 year old sister in my head, after discovering the news that their older brother had died.
Even though I was in a state of complete desperation and panic, I refused to call 911. I kept thinking in my head that what if I called 911, and survived, then it would have all been a waste and I would have caused a scene with ambulances and sirens in the quiet neighborhood for nothing. It was with this stupid thought, that I stayed locked in my room, crawling out only to urinate and come back. At one point I was considering finding a water bottle in my room to pee in so I wouldn't have to stand up.
At around 7:00am, I made another trip to the bathroom to refill my glass of water and urinate, but something went horribly wrong. As I stood up to open the door of my bathroom, I blacked out again, and remember vaguely a short moment in time in which my head was in between the doorway hitting each side violently, accompanied by my arms and legs attacking the cabinets near the floor. I had noticed that it did not feel as if I was hitting the floor and cabinets, rather the floor and cabinets were attacking me, it had seemed as if the world had come to a complete end, and a part of me was sure I had died.
I resumed consciousness from what I believe to be a seizure, on the other side of the hallway, my body lain flat out in the hall with my head in the entryway of my room. I had somehow convulsed from inside my bathroom to the other side of my hallway! I remember feeling curiously calm, and it took a moment or two to realized that I had just had a seizure. I ran back to my bed and lay down for the majority of the day, in disbelief that such a thing had happened, after all I was sure it couldn't happened to me of all people, I was invincible right?
I checked my pulse repeatedly over the day and I noted that, as before, it was 120bpm lying down, and 140bpm sitting up, and even though as time passed I was able to walk around, I could not feel my pulse while standing up at all. I immediately called 2 of my friends at 7:30 am who have had seizures before from amphetamines, and they told me not to worry and to just lie down and sleep it off. Sleeping was out of the question and I spent the majority if the day feeling very crappy in general and scared that I might fall down and convulse any second.
This feeling lasted approximately 2 days after the experience, and I have not touched ecstasy since. Curious as to what could have cause such an event to happened, I looked up the pills on pill reports, and found the red Buddhas were different because they had a belly button as opposed to the genuine Buddhas. I found out from this site that they tested positive for piperazines, and were responsible for seizures in a few other people. I have done ecstasy many times and in greater amounts, and such a thing had never happened.
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