Citation: Blue. "And I Gave In: An Experience with Heroin (exp81558)". Erowid.org. Nov 15, 2015. erowid.org/exp/81558
I always hated drugs and talked shit about people who did them. Then in about the beginning of the year 2008 I finally gave in and tried painkillers. It was a big secret I didn't want anyone other then me and that one other person to know I tried anything.
Then heroin came into the picture. They were calling it diesel. I had no clue what they were talking about and no one would tell me. One drunk night I tried blowing it, but didn't feel anything. The next day I was trying to remember the events from the night before and all the sudden it clicked... I TRIED HEROIN. I couldn't believe it.
It took a while after that for me to give in again. After the person I was living with started to become a full time dealer I was around it all day everyday. I started off doing it about once a week for a while. That eventually turned into almost every day. And although I would become sick every time, the next day vomiting and kind of unable to function in everyday life, I continued to do it and after a while all that stopped and I wouldn't get sick the next day.
I at that point was never addicted. People started to get clean so it wasn't really around much anymore, and the fact that I now needed more then a couple bags to get high was a problem because I had never paid before and couldn't afford to do that much.
One night after not being able to do it for a few weeks I decided half jokingly that I wanted to shoot it. Since I wouldn't don't need very much at all to shoot it. And this is coming from the person that hates needles and shots and practically cries when thinking about getting one. After about a half hour of debate I was getting a shot cooked up for me. My arm was tied off with my belt and in my vein the needle went. I instantly got a rushing warm feeling over my whole body. It was the best feeling I had ever felt. I immediately sat down on the couch feeling VERY strange and with a very scared confused look on my face.
I remember being asked if I was ok and to calm down. I of course said I'm fine... I just thought I felt weird. Now it may seem like a lot of time has gone by by now, but I honestly don't think it had been very long. I was very dazed and out of it. The other person sat down next to me on the couch and I hugged the side of them with my face against their chest. I did this because I was nervous. I then remember being asked 'what the hell are you doing???' and my response was nothing I'm just hugging you. Apparently I had been kind of convulsing, shaking, moving my arms up and down really hard while hugging them.
I remember hugging, but I still don't remember ever doing that. As far as I'm concerned I never moved. They realized that I was starting to overdose and asked me to sit up. I was losing color in my face and my lips were changing color, so they asked me to go to the bathroom to smoke a cigarette. I don't remember anything after this.
I was told I sat down on the long counter in the bathroom and as they went to open the window and turned around my lips were now a deep purple and I was completely pale. I passed out and fell off the counter onto the floor and began full convulsions and obviously wasn't responsive.
They picked me up clothes on and all and plopped me into the bath tub and turned the shower on with very cold water. I was told I gasped and awoke confused, but VERY happy. I now remember this. It is very foggy, but I remember.
I may have in reality woke up in the tub, but in my mind all that had happened was I blacked out and ended up in the tub although I had no idea how I got there. All I remember is laughing and laughing and I was splashing around in the water with my feet. It was like I was a little kid all over again. I thought this was great. I didn't know why or how I got there, but it was a good time. They then asked me my name, I responded. This was a good sign, I knew who I was. Then came 'how old are you?' and 'where do you live?'. I knew how old I was... I think... And when it came to where do you live I only could think of the name of the road and not the number.
I was then asked if I knew what had just happened and how I got into the tub. For which I did not have an answer. So I was told of the events that had just happened. Of course I didn't believe it.
We then moved from the bathroom back into the living room. I remember sitting on the couch and talking about some things and I got aggravated with them very easily, but not angry or mad. I wasn't allowed to nod out although it was very hard to stay aware and awake.
A few days later I tried it again. Sometimes I would immediately have to vomit, other times it would only be after or while I was smoking a cigarette that I would have to vomit. I never blew heroin again after this. I also had a few more scares with almost overdosing, but nothing came close to that experience. Also whether blowing it or shooting it, it was very hard to go pee. I would feel like I had to go really bad and sometimes I did, other times it was just a feeling. But I couldn't get it to come out. I would sit there and push on my bladder and rock back and forth until it would come out. This would sometimes take 30 min to get the pee to come out and I didn't feel comfortable until I got to pee.
It started off like blowing it though. I only did it a few days a week which eventually turned into every day for a year or longer. At first when it was only a few times week I would notice my back would start to get pains in it and I would have trouble sleeping at night. I eventually became addicted and would be in a completely horrible mood and had no motivation to do anything if I didn't have it for about 24 hrs.
I ended up weening myself off of it and still craved it and didn't want to stop. I still do want to do it every day of my life and wish that I could. Once you shoot something it will probably make you never want to blow anything you can shoot ever again. I ended up not doing it any more and took suboxone everyday for about a week. Then it was about every two days or so that I took some of a suboxone. Even after that for about 3 weeks I had trouble sleeping, back pains, depression, unmotivation, and diarrhea.
This is a very scary drug and even with knowing the consequences and almost losing my life, it still sucked me in. Being around someone who is doing it everyday in front of me is the worst feeling, it makes me want it so much more, it's like it almost hurts to watch them do it. The worst part is that I never shot myself up so when they decided they were getting clean and refused to do it for me I had no way to do it when I craved it and needed it so bad.
It was very easy to get addicted to heroin. You think it can't happen to you and it won't, but it catches up to you. And once I started shooting it I made it like 10 times harder to get off of the stuff, it's more addictive and I came down from it a lot harder. My advice is to stay away from it, at least stay away from shooting it or shooting anything for that matter.
[Reported Dose: '2 bags']
COPYRIGHTS: All reports are copyright Erowid and you agree not to download or analyze the report data without contacting Erowid Center and receiving permission first.
Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.