Citation: In Control. "First Time for Someone in Control: An Experience with Cannabis (exp81710)". Erowid.org. Apr 27, 2020. erowid.org/exp/81710
I'm someone who likes to be in control. The highs or psychedelic affects that Iíve experienced are from prescription drugs which I have not ever abused. I've hallucinated on Ambien when I was taking it for insomnia. The two times that I tried it, I had pretty scary hallucinations which resulted in my vomiting the pill. I tingle when I take my hydrocodone cough syrup. I hardly drink alcohol, but thatís because my shoulders tense in pain.
Iíve always stayed away from drugs because in high school, everyone around me was doing it and getting drunk, and got in trouble, not by their parents but because something went wrong and I was the one to cover for them. Someone had to be the responsible one, and for some reason, it was going to be me. My boyfriend, who Iíve known since middle school, and I had a falling out when we were 14 because of expectations of me to do certain things that I just wasnít ready for. Thatís also another reason I chose not to smoke pot. I felt like he chose that instead of me, but hey, we were 14, what did I know. After five years of absence from each otherís lives, I lived my straight edge life, he lived his pot and alcohol life, he straightened up. Weíre together again because he gave it up to be with me. Sweet, I know.
Anyway, weíve been together for about a year now. He talks about pot and how he doesnít miss it, but he still advocates it use. Iím a person who likes to be clear minded so I can be alert and ready to deal with anything. I guess you could say Iím spiritual but by no means religious. I believe that you donít need a social enhancer to have a good time. Iím overall a happy person and feel that your mind, when clear, can overcome stress and anxiety and that you donít need something to take it away for you. Basically, face your problems, donít run from it type of deal. So he always tells me that I will always have a biased opinion of it unless I tried it, but he wasnít going to pressure me.
I decided that I was going to try it at least once. No pressure, plenty of time with no obligations to be fulfilled. Iíve never smoked or inhaled anything but air in my life. Under the supervision and guidance of my more experienced boyfriend, I took 2 hits off a pipe, waited 5-10 minutes. And nothing. I felt absolutely nothing. The smell of pot grosses me out. It smells like I left my clothes in the washer for too many days and itís all mildew. Inhaling smoke was even grosser, I couldnít get the taste out of my mouth. I was drinking water, lemonade, chewing Altoids, anything to get the taste out of my mouth and throat. Maybe I didnít inhale enough because Iím 5í2Ē and have tiny lungs that canít hold anything, which is why I have low blood pressure and the heart rate of a person that fainted. So then he shot gunned it to me with his gigantic lungs filled with smoke. Five-10 minutes later, nothing. He was high, and I wasnít. I was getting frustrated. We were watching Food Network, and I wasnít getting the ďmunchiesĒ. I took another hit, this time, he said that was a good inhale. Nothing. Iíd just about given up. I wasnít high. I was full of energy. He said I didnít have to do it anymore if I didnít want to. And I really didnít. Smoking is just not for me. But I allowed him to shotgun me one more time and I held it in a little longer like he told me to. It burned! And I was coughing up my lungs. And all he could say was, ďYeahÖÖ that happens sometimes.Ē
And thatís when I started to babble and feel it. My mind suddenly spewed an intricate story about some dude on Food Networkís life. Then my body went numb. Then I felt my cognitive and motor functions slow. My body moved, but it took my brain a good 3-5 seconds to register the movement. At this point, I knew this was something I did not like.
My body moved, but it took my brain a good 3-5 seconds to register the movement. At this point, I knew this was something I did not like.
My boyfriend mustíve noticed my concern for not being able to feel my body and my lapse in cognitive function and asked if I wanted to go lay down upstairs and I said yes. It scared me to walk up the stairs because Iím kind of clumsy to begin with, and now with the brain process slowing, I didnít know my foot left the previous stair until I was already 2 steps away from it. I felt like time was another dimension. I felt like my neurons werenít sending and receiving messages from each other at the rate they should be and I was voicing it. (Iím kind of a nerd like this) But it was weirding me out, because words were coming out of my mouth faster (but also more slow and monotonous) than my mind could process my thoughts. So it felt like my logic wasnít making sense.
Before I even knew what I was doing, I stripped down naked. Now when I normally lay in bed, Iím usually in my undergarments. But my mind didnít process that I took everything off until my boyfriend looked at me and was like, ďwhoa?Ē and I was like, ďOh shit. I didnít mean to take it all off.Ē By the way, I relax more when Iím wearing the least possible amount of clothing. So I laid down. Things were a lot more 3-dimensional. I donít know how to describe it. There was more depth to objects. My nine pound puppy was laying on my chest and I thought he was gigantic. I thought he was Clifford the Big Red Dog sized. It was freaking me out. Iíd close my eyes and put my hands on both sides of his face and heíd be normal sized again. Iíd open my eyes and heíd be frikken huge again. This brought on a laughing fit. The room behind him seemed elongated. I wanted to test how being high was affecting the brains ability to know how much time has lapsed. He held a stop watch and as I talked about what I was experiencing, heíd ask me how much time I thought passed by. For the most part, I was pretty close even though it felt like much much much much longer than what it was. My body was sinking into the memory foam bed. The back of my body where everything made contact with the bed tingled.
This is where my experience turned sour. The tingling sensation is the same tingling sensation I get when I do something that I donít want to do but have to do it because itís for the best. I knew that I didnít really like the feeling of being high, and didnít want to be high, but I had to ride it out because I had to. When I came to this realization, I was also reminded that this was the feeling I got all the time when I was with my ex boyfriend, when I did things I didnít want to do to make him happy. This is when I started to question why I couldnít just let go of my control. Was it my ex-boyfriend that caused me to want to be in control or was it my need to be in control that caused my ex-boyfriend to give me ultimatums? Or was it because I grew up without my parents or any real guidance from an adult figure that I was controlling?
I got over analytical of myself and burst into tears because these were not thoughts I wanted to think about. I didnít want to think about my ex-boyfriend while I was with my current boyfriend. I didnít want to think about growing up and teaching myself to be independent. I didnít want to be high anymore. So I passed out and woke up a couple hours later feeling normal and energized. Never did get the munchies.
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