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Worst Feeling of My Life
Bad/Suspect Ecstasy
by flintstone
Citation:   flintstone. "Worst Feeling of My Life: An Experience with Bad/Suspect Ecstasy (exp81803)". Erowid.org. Sep 17, 2021. erowid.org/exp/81803

 
DOSE:
1 tablet oral Bad/Suspect Ecstasy
    smoked Cannabis

BODY WEIGHT: 140 lb


I have been smoking marijuana for about 4 years before this, have experimented with cocaine, had a short period of methamphetamine abuse, have done LSD and mushrooms a couple times. It was the night before my 19th birthday. After about 5 consecutive years of bad birthdays I wanted this one to be fun. My boyfriend of a year and I decided to take some E pills, as it was his birthday a couple days before. He found some from a random co-worker who lives in a shady part of a shady town. I was skeptical but I had never had a bad experience with E so I was naive enough to do it anyway.

At about 8:30 PM I put the pill on my tongue and swallowed it with water and and noticed my tongue burning. I opened my mouth and my tongue was bleeding in a perfect circle where I set the pill. This bothered me but I just brushed it off and we continued on our way to my friend's house.

We got there 20 minutes later and smoked 2 blunts while we waited for the pills to hit. I wasn't feeling nervous, just excited for the roll to come. About 45 minutes later I didn't feel anything and figured nothing would happen. Nothing was happening to my boyfriend either. If I had a second pill I probably would have taken it. I am so grateful I didn't. I soon forgot I had even taken anything because I assumed they were just bad pills.

At about 10:45 I was surprised to start to feel something. It was not the euphoria of extasy I am used to feeling. My body was sort of numb, sort of tingly. My jaw started to clench. My mind was working perfectly logically. I didn't feel excited, happy, sad, or angry. I just felt emotionally blank the whole night. I tried drinking water so I wouldn't feel dehydrated. After awhile I couldn't swallow anymore. My throat felt numb and felt like it was closing up and rejecting any water I tried to drink. This made me feel anxious and I never had a panic attack but I felt suddenly aggressive. Like I was waiting for someone to say the wrong thing to me so I could attack them or something.
I felt suddenly aggressive. Like I was waiting for someone to say the wrong thing to me so I could attack them or something.
I've never been one to feel violent or aggressive like that. I was touching my body and marveled at how my face felt. It was like my fingers could feel everything but the rest of my body (particularly my face) couldn't feel back. I told my boyfriend I finally understood what he meas when he says I have the softest face ever. It wasn't even like I was touching something attached to myself.

Suddenly I felt nauseous. I went to the bathroom to throw up. My stomach lurched but then would feel numb and nothing came up. I decided to make myself throw up because I thought I would feel better after. I stuck my finger in my mouth and was rubbing the back of my throat but couldn't feel a thing. I didn't gag at all, and I normally have a very sensitive gag reflex. I went back to the living room and asked my friend to smoke a bowl of marijuana with me. I took one hit and felt immediate and complete relief. I felt happy and like everything was going to be okay. This feeling lasted about 2 seconds and then it was time to run to the bathroom. I threw up everything in my stomach. I did not feel better after. I went back to the living room and watched my friends play video games. My boyfriend was acting strange. I've been around people on meth and I got the feeling from him that I get from them...distance. He didn't look at anyone, he just sat there staring at the tv. I had an odd feeling of distrust for him. I told myself it was because I was on drugs and tried to ignore it. I asked if he felt as bad as me and he said he felt nothing. But I could tell he did. It was about 2:00 AM. I kept asking to be taken home but my boyfriend didn't seem to want to. I had to remove my contact lenses because they were completely dried up. Then I insisted on going home because I'm almost legally blind and hate not being able to see.

The ride home was the best part of the whole trip. I felt so calm looking at the lights because they were all I could see. Just giant orbs of lights. It made life seem so simple. I joked that no one could pay me all the money and happiness in the world to attempt to drive without my contacts because I would just kill myself and everyone around me. We got home and I felt a little hope that perhaps I might be able to fall asleep... not so much. We turned off the lights and my boyfriend fell right to sleep. I spent the whole night crying in pain and listening to him grind his teeth. He never did that before and he has done it every night since (this was a year ago). I remember I tried to think of food and Taco Bell came to mind and I almost threw up again.

The next morning (my actual birthday) my boyfriend woke up surprised to find me still awake. It was Saturday and I had school. I go to a cosmetology school and I was supposed to do my mom's hair at 10:00. I grabbed a mirror and my pupils were the size of dimes. I tried getting out of bed and I think I was so dehydrated I couldn't stand for more than 2 seconds. I called my mom and told her I was hung over from drinking and couldn't do her hair. She didn't care much. My pupils were fully dilated until about 4:00 pm. I stayed in bed literally all day and fell asleep about midnight. I felt miserable. I wanted to die. I wasn't hungry. I cried hysterically all day long. Of the meth and coke I've done, this is the worst come down I have ever had. I do not think that 'E' pill had a single drop of MDMA in it.

Since then I've tried taking pills twice and even though they were good, I just gave myself panic attacks worrying about what could happen so I've chosen not to do it anymore.

Exp Year: 2009ExpID: 81803
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: 19 
Published: Sep 17, 2021Views: 453
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Bad/Suspect Ecstasy (567) : Difficult Experiences (5), Hangover / Days After (46), What Was in That? (26), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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