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So This is What Death Looks Like?
LSD
by White Light
Citation:   White Light. "So This is What Death Looks Like?: An Experience with LSD (exp81823)". Erowid.org. Oct 9, 2010. erowid.org/exp/81823

 
DOSE:
  oral LSD (liquid)

BODY WEIGHT: 135 lb


When it comes to drugs, I can say in all honestly that I'm a very experienced user despite my young age (I'm now 19 years old). I've had lots of experiences with stimulants, some with depressants, and countless trips in the world of hallucinogenic drugs. I've been introduced to the world of drugs through Salvia about three years ago. LSD and psilocybin mushrooms have been an important part of my life for about two years, the infamous dissociative known as Ketamine as been an interesting tool to me and, much more than anything else, I acknowledged the infinite power of DMT about twenty times since I began my experimentations.

---------------

When this event took place, I was just coming back from a rave party in the city. I was coming down off both MDMA and Ketamine. I eventually thought that dropping some LSD could be a good idea (Who the hell would do that just after having drained his serotonin with too much MDMA...anyway.) I took the vial from my desk, dropped two drops on my hand and, licked it.

To be honnest, I first tought that two doses of good LSD would satisfy me: I'd be able to draw or paint some crazy things while having some nice visuals. But then I tought: Is it really worth it do drop acid just to have some lil' cute visuals? Or should I go for something more interesting? The highest amount I had ever taken was a dose of about 550-700 ug. Since there was five other drops in the dropper, I decided to take them. I then proceded to do what everybody who knows a bit about liquid lsd knows you should never do: I resplenished the dropper with water and drank it as if it was a shooter. Twice, to make sure not to waste anything.

One 'shooter' of a vial gave a trip of about 1000 ug to a friend of mine (and it was the second time that this vial was being 'washed'). It should be important to note that my vial was twice as big as his and so, has more surface in contact with the LSD (and that there was probably a couple more doses in my vial than in his).
It could be considered a mistake to wash the vial as I did, but it was on purpose. I didn't really think about it, I just felt like it had to be done.

I clean my room very fast because I know being on acid in my room if it's messy is only gonna make me frustrated. I then went for a cigarette in the backyard and sit for a minute. Everything was heavily distorted, but I could still handle it. I tought about all the LSD I droped and realised that I had probably around 2000 ug in my body.

[Erowid Note: Claims of measured microgram dosages for LSD are usually unsupported. Quantitative measurements for LSD are very difficult to do and cannot be done casually. Without further detailed information about how the measurements were derived, it is reasonable to assume that most statements of microgram dosages of LSD on blotter or in microdots are either misinformed or overstated.]

---blank---

I open my eyes and notice I'm back in my room without even remembering going back inside my appartment. I'm lying on my bed, eyes wide open. Nothing is left static. There is some waves of glowing blue light going across the room. Everything looks fluid. I start hearing some kind of chants and melodies alongside that electric drone-like sound that I'm used to hear while tripping with DMT. The visuals then stop waving and take a beautiful crystaline form. The world seems to be made of colorfoul geometric patterns. It really felt like a pre-breakthrough DMT experience, to be honnest. This lasts for about thirty minutes. I then close my eyes. I'm totally blinded by what many people call the white light. It's beautiful but so intense I'm not sure anymore I will be able to handle this experience. This is where it starts to get bad...

When I open my eyes, my room has stopped distorting and the colours are gone. The room is not back to normal: worse, it looks like everything is grey and sad. Substence as left everything. The whole world looks like it just died, as if the energy present in everything was just gone. I try to get up of my bed and go somewhere happier but, as I sit on my bed, I feel myself falling into an infinite void only to find myself lying again. Images are duplicating, repeating themselves without meaning.

I put my hands on my chest and try to relax, but it feels like my hands simply go through me, as if I was non-existant, empty of any matter. My heart was beating at an incredibly fast rate. I started thinking that I had found two absolute laws of the universe that were totally contradictory, acting as a proof that reality was a lie, an illusion created out of my consciousness. In fact, there was nothing at all, nothing but solitude in my own consciousness, and lies. My brain being now 'aware' that everything was fake, made everything look fake, dead, empty. Was that death? I wished death was more like a lack of consciousness, a complete, calm darkness. But this death was much more like a purgatory: grey and rotten.

My roommate came into my room and asked me if I was ok. He wasn't aware I was on acid. In my head, though, it looked more like he was shouting at me. Being the consciousness from wich reality emerged from, I had destroyed every human being in my world by destroying the 'illusion'. This is why he was kinda frustrated. He went out of the appartment laughing. I felt bad for I had messed up bad time and now that I had 'killed' everything I knew, all I had left was my room wich I wanted to go away from with all my heart.

While still lying on my bed, I started loosing every feeling of my body. It felt like I was loosing contact only to be lost on this room as a dead spirit. Every hope left me. Some weird experimental Drum and Bass started playing in another room (complete, clear, precise audio hallucination). It sounded like my consciousness was glitching, lagging. Then, suddenly, it stopped.

Everything came back to life all at once. I got awareness of my body again, the colours and the visual hallucinations came back. Everything was moving again, alive. All these sensations coming back at the same time made me think I was gonna explode. I felt warm again.

My other roommate eventually came to see me and when I told me how my trip went, he got me an antidepressant (some kind of dopamine stabilisator or something like this) just to make sure I had no other problem, even though the trip was pretty much finished. Everything after that was kinda quiet.

---

This was obviously the most intense LSD experience I ever had and, maybe, that I will ever have. Sure, I will drop LSD again, but maybe not that much at the same time (but you never know). I've seen what I needed to see, and even if it wasn't very pleasant, I believe it is those kind of experiences that teaches you the most.

I've been gifted with the amazing phenomenon that is called life. For some time, it felt like it had been taken away from me. Now that I have it back, I know that I have the power to make anything I want out of it.

Exp Year: 2009ExpID: 81823
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 19 
Published: Oct 9, 2010Views: 13,239
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LSD (2) : Difficult Experiences (5), Alone (16)

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