Citation: Netbususer. "Order and Disorder: An Experience with 2C-E (exp81851)". Erowid.org. Jan 23, 2010. erowid.org/exp/81851
Before I begin, I feel I should note that this experience was a true +4 and I'm not certain that words can begin to describe the journey that I transcended along, so please excuse my verbosity.
I am a healthy 18 year old male, 6 feet in height and 148 lbs in weight. This experience took place 9 days ago, on 3/31/07. I have sampled this compound intranasally over 7 times and orally 3 prior to this trip. I have an extended history with opiates, cocaine, benzodiazepines, nitrous oxide, and 2c-i, but I have refrained from all drugs (with the exception of 2c-i and 2c-e for the past 9 months prior to this experience)
Before this journey began, I prepared by scouring the internet for any mention of the compound and read any reports or information that has been made available to me. The night before this experiment, I had a dream in which I had a profound +4 experience coming to me the following night, and therefore came into the experiment a little nervous as I wasn't sure that I could fully be ready for a full blown +4 experience. (who can though?) I had no idea what I was to be in for, but really managed the trip very efficiently and I feel that I gained the most I could from it.
This experiment was also conducted with a friend of a few months whom is also experienced with 2c-i and 2c-e at lower doses and an accidental 50mg dose of 2c-e. Friend A was excited and has been using psychedelic drugs for the past 3 years and is very well experienced in them. The only actual written record of the night was in a notebook in which we would occasionally jot something down if after saying it, it seemed to describe a lot of what was going on.
Friend A's basement (which he uses to smoke cannabis in/trip in), well lit with vibrant orange paint on the walls. Many fractal related posters and tye-dye patterns/lava lamps present.
I first arrived at his place around 17:00 and he already had 2-3 others present. I weighed out my '1 gram' sample of 2c-e using a .001g scale while in the bag and tared it, and then poured it into a shot glass. I proceeded to weigh the now empty bag and it registered at .973g. I dissolved 973mg into 100ml of distilled water creating a 9.73mg/ml solution. Everyone else present simply was asking questions about 2c-e and for those who have previously experimented with it were interested in buying 10-20mg for themselves. The environment was very relaxed.
After making the solution, I was going to place it into my 100ml vial, but I couldn't find the rubber stopper, so I was forced to settle for a water bottle. I made sure to tear the plastic Dasani label off of it and in permanent marker I wrote all over it that the material inside was toxic, and not to be ingested and if it was ingested to seek medical help immediately. I also kept the bottle with me at all times over the next three hours in order to ensure that no one accidentally drank it.
Around 18:00 we began to pass a bowl and a joint around. I have very little experience with cannabis, and hadn't smoked in over 9 months prior to this occasion. I didn't want the cannabis to severely influence my trip later that night, so I refrained from going overboard. I inhaled approximately 5 hits over the course of a half an hour, and was fairly stoned. Everyone went home around 19:00 and I found myself screwing around on A's drum-set while I waited to return to sobriety before ingesting the 2c-e. I would describe the effects of the cannabis, but I feel that this report is simply for the 2c-e, not the cannabis.
At 21:00, A and I both ingested ~2.9ml of the solution and began playing chess while we waited for an alert. No alert was felt after about 45 minutes, so we began watching television. I was a bit anxious because of the dream and overwhelming feeling that I was to reach that +4 state on this occasion. I also was a bit anxious because I was going to be moving out of state only three days later, and have been stressing over college applications and major life decisions for the past few weeks.
Around 22:00 the come-up was unmistakable. I felt an uneasy energy flowing through my body, similar to having the flu. The walls began to 'breathe' and the colors of the room seemed to be moving. I was incredibly anxious at this point, and I realized that I hadn't turned my cell phone off when my significant other of three years called me at 22:07. She is currently a pre-law major at a major university, and is very much against my use of chemicals to alter my conscious. I quickly told her I wasn't feeling well and I was packing, but I loved her and would call her in the morning. I believe she got upset with me (I'm still not sure why) but we hung up around 22:15, and that was a load off of my chest.
I was definitely tripping by this point. Colors seemed brighter and I noticed I could pay an incredible amount of attention to detail. By 22:30 I was at a state I call 'sensory overload', in which my head felt as if it was going to explode. The Grateful Dead DVD playing on the television, combined with the extreme color of the room, the surround sound was dictating my very being. This feeling is truly indescribable, but with every sound, the vibration would echo throughout my body creating a mood. All of my senses seemed to be meshing together and there was simply SO MUCH to take in, I wasn't able to consciously piece it all together. The worst feeling of this time was that I was still coming up, and I had no idea of what was to come.
By 23:00 I was finally plateauing and I was more calm about what was to come. Everything was incredibly overwhelming, but manageable. I soon began to dictate my thoughts to my friend as he was directly connected to me. We were on the same plane, and felt like we were experiencing this thing called life together.
I felt as if the pattern that was etched onto my eyeball was the text of life. I was perusing the very history of life and the multiverse. I, as a buddhist, was completely at peace with these revelations, but then I stumbled into something utterly earth shaking. I realized that my entire religious belief was silly, and that life is infinite. I have constantly tried to do well for the world and rid myself of human desires, to become free. I realized that I will never be free from the cycles of life and rebirth. Nirvana is simply the state in which we are 'okay' and apathetic about life and it's systems, and that it is impossible to truly escape.
This realization caused me great distress as I just wanted to die. I wanted the world and the universe and everything within it to just cease to exist so I could stop. I realize this thought sounds morbid, but I felt that would be the only way I could ever be free. I continued to devise methods of how I could possibly destroy us all, and cried when I realized I couldn't. I had even considered methods of destroying the sun, stopping all light and energy from reaching the earth. I realized that I would simply be reborn as something like water or ice, or a planet. Something that didn't require the star for energy.
Soon after this I wished I could be. I wished I could be something inanimate so that I wouldn't have to fight the battle within us of conformity vs. free thought. Order and Disorder. Individualism vs. Collectivism. Being a planet or a star would simply allow me to act as a host to living things. I could give energy or a habitat to everything and watch it without moral obligation to it. Unfortunately, I was stuck here on earth as a human without purpose or meaning. I was stuck 'cutting my wood and carrying my water' and surviving for the betterment of the species, and being forced to interact with everyone else.
Throughout all of these logic loops I kept falling back in and out of, I also realized something great of order and disorder. Inside, we all strive for disorder, chaos, and freedom. Yet, in that, we become ordered in order to gain what we want. This concept is impossible to really describe, but a good example is a group of anarchists. They despise all forms of government and organization and order, yet they are grouped together destroying their entire belief system.
I also kept coming back to Communist Russia. I doubt this will be explicable either, but I'll try my best. It's something like the inverse thing... Communist Russia was the inverse of Democratic America during the Cold War. Propaganda was spread on both sides of the issue. This type of quote kept coming back to me... 'In Communist Russia, you don't smoke pot, pot smokes you!' I think at some point googling google came up when me and A were talking about paradoxes, and I thought about google googling me, and I found hilarity and fear in it at the same time. Google was representative of the government searching inside of me and controlling my every thought in order for me to be a productive citizen.
I realized everyone was only looking at one side of a picture that is both black and white. The picture is the same image simply inverted along the vertical axis. We all take solace in seeing what we want of the picture, and we must zoom out to see the whole thing. We must look at the center line for the ultimate truth and be true to ourselves and to each other.
I can't begin to express anything else that I had experienced that night, but I went to sleep around 4AM and woke up still depressed and sad and stuck in mental loops (I continued this for a few days after).
Because of this experience, I've realized that I must do what I don't want, and conform to the governments standards in order to make the best of the silly life that I've been given, and hope for the best next time around.
I don't know where to put this, but during this experience at the point where I hated life and wanted it to end, my friend told me later that he felt I had trapped him inside his own head and he was a prisoner. At the time he had suggested I kill myself and hope for a better next life. If I wasn't as attached to my head as I was, I very well may have done this.
Oh yes! towards the end of the night, before I went to sleep, I ate a jolly rancher. I couldn't tell what flavor it was because it was dark, but I thought it was cherry. Talk about sensory overload all in my mouth, though! I woke up and found the wrapper was wild sour strawberry, no wonder why it was so intense! I still had the jolly rancher feeling in my mouth for the following day... lol. :P
I also neglected to mention that in the aftermath of it all, I have no real desire to use any drugs anymore. I may take psychedelic drugs again some day, but for now, I feel that I have reached my state of ultimate enlightenment, and if I do need more, I know where to look.
This is a wonderful compound to research, but I must note that 28mg is a high dose, and 18-20mg is easily a full on trip. Know your body, know your mind, and know your substances.
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