DOSE: T+ 0:00	640 mg	oral	DXM	(liquid)
T+ 5:44	joints/cigs	smoked	Tobacco - Cigarettes

BODY WEIGHT:

192 lb

This trip started on a whim. I had separated some DXM poly using water, and had kept it wintered in the freezer for a long time. After being disappointed with my dreams the previous night, and with myself in general, I thawed and chugged the greater portion of my preparation. In retrospect, I would say it was an act of self-hate. The mirtazapine I had taken the night before was not fully out of my system. This probably jacked the trip up a few notches due to an enzyme shortage.

7:00 pm Ingested 3/4 large bottle DXM poly (approximately 640mgs, due to wastage)

7:40 pm Feeling first effects

9:15 pm Really going strong now. I've had some intestinal distress, but I think I'm getting better. Was moderately uncomfortable through the movie, 'Platoon.' It almost seemed like nausea, but not quite. Got the yawns, but wasn't tired. Sort of getting that 'family feeling' that I get sometimes on DXM. Where the connections between family members - especially mine - seem more important. Like nodes connecting people. No, people are the nodes. Like flashing beacons communicating in the darkness. A hissing in my ears. Tinnitus. Getting that laggy feeling whenever I move my head. Tactile sensation is slightly divorced from my central receiving center.

9:53 pm Still a long way to go, huh? Time is starting to sttrrreeeetttcch ouut. No discomfort, except for some gurbly burblies down below. Might have to experience the bathroom for a few more minutes. Nope, not yet. Closed-eye visuals are faint, but definitely there. Recent activities have obviously influenced the visuals, for I see branch-like canyons. The high parts are reddish, the low parts are blue. They rotate. It turned into vertical static, and I can see the center of my vision where the rods and cones have been burned-out slightly. Why is is so much easier to see these things on DXM? Is the DXM burning my eyes, or just letting me see where my eyes have been burned? Yep, I'm still a ward of the loo. Now the canyons are filled with snow. Each ravine holds a pocket of resistance, and it looks like white branches thrust into the sky. I wish I could type with my eyes closed! Lots of tiny dots. They started forming deep-cut ravines of an even finer degree. My inner space became spacious, and the ravines looked like they were behind a gauzy material. I could bump this high up with pot, but I'm afraid! It's at a manageable level now.

10:17 pm Time really is moving slowly. I think I will do some programming.

10:21 pm Snip! I just mercilessly hacked away a big chuck of code. I made a backup so its NBD.

10:31 pm Cool CEVs now. Dots on a landscape. Mounds of dirt. Regolith. Rotating, spinning into a staticky spiral. There's always static, it seems.

10:44 pm After a large modification to my program, I was presented with a black window instead of the terrain I had expected. Pure black, but it looked mottled with slowly moving blue chunks. Everything appears to be morphing slightly in my visual field. I find myself asking, 'what is consciousness?' Surely its more than the sum of its parts. Just an electrical field inhabiting gray matter? Why do I always go here? I should be happy to be conscious period! Yes! But it seems like I'm a cluster of electrons laying about on some neurons somewhere. Out there, amongst the elements. It's starting to get really intense.

10:54 Whoah, CEVs are like red duckweed swirling on a purple pond. But my questions about life and consciousness are terrible to behold!

10:58 Crap, what have I done? I'm getting shaky from the fear present in me now. My arms are tingling and I'm blowing on my sweating hands. In out, in out. Even breathing, that's what will help me. I tried smoking a cigarette two minutes ago, but couldn't get past the second puff. I was smoking it outside in the illumination from my window. Patterns everywhere, that weathered hillside showing up again. When I stubbed the ember with my fingers, the ashtray felt like it was at the wrong level. My hand felt somewhat disconnected.

11:04 Whew, feeling better now. Maybe the breathing or typing helped. Oh crap, it's going to be a hard night, I better get some more food into me!

11:10 Hah! I love it! I was programming, but then I closed my eyes to see lots of little stalks in a field, spindly stalks with spheres on top. The whole scene started to rotate, and other patterns started coming in and soon everything was rotating clockwise. Then, by an act of will, I started everything rotating counterclockwise! Well, I think its cool to control CEVs anyway.

11:19 As it turns out, I can rotate objects in my mind's eye in all directions, at will. When I close my eyes, there is light everywhere, especially near the edges. Less light right in front for some reason.

11:27 More geological patterns. Sometimes it's like seeing how strata is formed within layers of rock. The nitty gritty, the understuff. Sometimes it's like I'm not even high at all, except for the patterns I see. But then it becomes overwhelming again. I was about to smoke a cigarette out of joy, but I may hold off.

11:35 It's possible to focus the inner eye. Those pattern-making phosphenes are at it all the time, and it might just be possible to see them more clearly without drugs. A sort of inward focusing, a kind of muscle movement. I'll go from seeing the CEV's in high-res, grainy, and then everything blurs out into more general forms.

11:46 Oh wow. The visuals are even more extreme. I'll see what looks like sediment flowing, flowing, then it stops! It stops completely as it settles into a form. Like thoughts crystallizing right before my eyes. Bits of texture liquifying, solidifying. I keep seeing zig-zaggy lines under suspicious words. I've been spell-checking myself in Windoze Nosepad this whole time, and don't plan to edit it tomorrow

11:58 Hoo! It's ramping up in intensity. Steady breathing is the key. Never forget. iiiiinnnnn ooooouuuuuttttt iiiiinnnnn ooooouuuuuttttt

12:04 (am) This drug helps combine imagination and visuals to great effect. I don't always get to choose what I see, but I always get to manipulate it somehow. Some of these visuals have a very fine degree of resolution.

12:15 Occasionally I wonder why I had to go and do this to myself. I didn't really have to. Sure, with DXM I can think about my problems from an exalted viewpoint, but I can adopt this attitude toward myself without DXM, maybe. Too cool! Little particles, washed by water, build up into fragile 'sand banks', then collapse into the water again when hit, never losing one particle! That's how it looks, anyway. It's a full-on physics simulator in my head, and I don't know what it means.

12:25 A trip to the bathroom and all is well, digestively speaking. My mind, I don't know. Who knows what DXM really does to the mind? It's a scary thought. Something this cool must have its negatives. Well, now that's odd! I was looking down at a folded paper bag, and thought I saw bug wings. Upon closer examination I saw that it really was bug wings, four of them! All in a row, neat and tidy, like somebody placed them there, but I know nobody did. The insect must have died on the bag and desiccated until its wings came off. Sure, dry up and leave me with broken wings.

12:54 Started to read a DXM trip report but became more and more frightened. I am not losing my mind, I can still think and type clearly. I need to make some good, happy echoes.

1:03 Listening to music. Getting better.

2:44 Stepped outside for a cigarette. I'm used to being able to see by the soft light filtering through my window blind, but tonight everything was a mess of lines. The tree nearby, which is usually illuminated very little, started building upon itself with all those crazy lines. My ashtray was jumping all over the place, it being poorly lit. When putting out my smoke it was like I had to shove my hand through a tangle of sticks, because of all the lines everywhere. Music is good. I managed to accomplish my programming goal, despite my condition.

2:44+ After the last entry, I realized I was quite tired and shut the computer down, got into bed and turned off the light. Immediately I was overwhelmed with tan-colored lines going in every direction. At a certain point I could not see the glow-in-the-dark sticker on my darkened lamp shade, nor could I see the self-illuminating light switch across the hall. The lines were becoming my new reality, and I became quite disoriented. I *almost* lost track of where I was at, and I certainly lost my orientation in the dark room. I had to power my flashlight to get my bearings.

I ended up turning the light back on and reading a magazine for quite a while. The light went off again, and into bed I went. I never gained a wink, and now I have deep, dark circles under my eyes, the hue of which I have never attained previously. It's not a good goal. At times during this trip I felt as if my conscious essence were slipping away. Like this would be the trip to steal my soul. Not comforting thoughts, and I have to wonder why they occur most often with DXM as opposed to other substances. Somehow I was able to write with relative coherency, even though I was quite fucked up. DXM polistirex doesn't seem to adhere to the normal plateau-based guidelines. I think I can leave DXM alone now. Too many times it has had me feeling like a small group of electrons residing on the skeletal framework of my previous being. Like insubstantial wisps of nothingness, affecting nothing, doing nothing but dying. I want good trips again. Acid in the wilderness, mushrooms in the creek. Something flowing with the power of life! No more of this Thanatos BS.

Exp Year: 2009	ExpID: 81858
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 32
Published: Feb 19, 2025	Views: Not Supported
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DXM (22) : General (1), Difficult Experiences (5), Glowing Experiences (4), Loss of Magic (34), Alone (16)