Citation: Anonymous. "Reality, Plus One: An Experience with Methamphetamine (exp82326)". Erowid.org. May 28, 2021. erowid.org/exp/82326
First Overnight Meth Session
I've used MDMA for about five years, 2C-I and 2C-B for about two. I've used LSD maybe one or two times a year for the last five years. I've also used some prescription amphetamines on occasion, like 10 mg Adderal. Just to give you some perspective that I'm not a total n00b when it comes to drugs. This trip report is about my first experiences with meth.
We first got the idea to get some meth when we got a hold of some powdered MDMA. The pills we liked the best were usually mixed with some form of speed, but this stuff was totally pure, and it was an awesome, clean roll, but a little bit mellow for our tastes. We decided what the hell, get over our stereotypes about 'dirty meth users' and get some of that to mix into the experience.
We got some crystal and tried it by itself first, snorting it. We started light, like 10 mg, followed by another 10 or 20 a little while later. Our first few times, we bumped up to maybe 40 or 50 mg total and then quit and rode it out. The effect was pretty subtle to me, but then amphetamines usually are for me. It was kind of like, 'Reality, Plus One.' I was a little more extroverted and energetic, but I didn't feel 'high' at all. Talking with my friends and even strangers was much more interesting than it usually would have been. Oh, and I was completely uninterested in eating or sleeping, of course. People talk about all these euphoric effects, but I took doses big enough that I started to get a little uncomfortable and I didn't want to take any more, and I never got any euphoria. Maybe it's just the way my brain is wired.
The first night, as we were coming down, maybe nine hours or so later, we dropped ecstasy and had a really nice roll. It was a fantastic way to come down from the meth. The second time, I didn't do that and when I tried to go to bed I actually ended up in a pretty bad head space where I was by myself and constantly analyzing myself in a really critical and hurtful way. Later, I realized that I had just been wasting my time and spinning my wheels and not really making any insights or progress, and I associated it with the meth. I resolved that meth was not a drug where I was going to get a lot of personal work done, and if that kind of loop started again, I should break out of it by doing somewhere else and changing the subject mentally.
The last time I used was at a party and we decided to stay up all night. We snorted about 30 mg at a time, at about 3 hour intervals, for about 18 hours total. Just whenever we felt ourselves starting to come down, we'd bump some more. It was a lot of fun hanging out and talking a lot. Towards the end, we were mostly bumping just to avoid having the come-down during the day, because we wanted to make it to night-time before we came down. The last few bumps definitely had an effect, but weren't quite as seamless as the earlier ones were. I could kind of tell that I was high, instead of being totally involved in the experience. I could also kind of tell that I was just doing them to put off the come-down.
We really mis-estimated the come-down. We figured if we stopped by about 3 PM, we would have nine hours or so to come down and get to bed. As if. By midnight, we were still wide awake. By 3 AM, I fell asleep, but my heart was still racing. I think I was just so tired that I crashed out even though I was still high.
I slept for about six hours, which surprised me given how much sleep I'd missed. I was kind of depressed all day the next day. Like, nothing was actually wrong with me physically or mentally, but I felt vaguely dissatisfied and, even weirder, I really really wanted the dissatisfied feeling to go away, which was weird, because it wasn't that strong of a feeling. By the next day, I still felt a little un-motivated to do anything, but was a tad better. By the third day, I was mostly normal again. So, a total of about three days to recover from what was basically a 1-2 day binge.
So, at this point, I feel like I've used the drug enough to come to some preliminary conclusions.
I can definitely see how managing this drug could be difficult. For me, at least, it has a 'high' feeling of about 3 hours, but then there is a looooong tail of about 6-9 more hours at least where I'm still under the drug's effects but I don't actually really feel it.
For me, at least, it has a 'high' feeling of about 3 hours, but then there is a looooong tail of about 6-9 more hours at least where I'm still under the drug's effects but I don't actually really feel it.
This means I might think I've basically sobered up but in reality, I haven't, and if I do more drugs, I'm getting way more exposure than I actually can feel. This means that it's easy to 'load up' a really long 'tail' where, when I'm done with the 'high' experience, instead of just sleeping it off and being fine, I'm going to be having an uncomfortable, jittery come-down for nine to 12 hours, and then having two more days of not being myself, before I come back to normal.
Another thing that's tricky about this drug is that instead of making me feel disoriented or drunk, it makes me feel 'normal, plus one.' So, whereas with alcohol or psychedelics, I know that the way back to sober is to stop taking them, with meth, I can also maintain a semi-normal (high on meth) state simply by taking more. Starting to get tired or cranky? Take more! Congratulations, you're fine for another few hours! And, given how long the hangover can be, I can see how the temptation to put it off could be strong. But of course, the more you do, the worse the hangover is going to be, so it's a vicious cycle.
Last thing: I'm pretty happy most of the time, and I don't have any problems with depression. So feeling 'depressed' after using the drug really bothered me. I really, really wanted to stop feeling that way, which didn't make sense, because rationally, nothing was really very wrong. The depression wasn't very strong, and I was able to tell myself it was just a hangover and I could ride it out, but I could see that if it was much stronger, I might do just about anything to make it stop. Again, I don't know how to explain it any better than this, and I'm not sure I could make it make sense to someone who hadn't experienced it, but it was like the 'make this state of being stop' was its own powerful emotion, whereas usually it is the result of some other thing in my environment or my thoughts that is upsetting me. Because it was its own emotion, there was basically nothing I could do to 'fix' it. It's not like I was hungry and needed to eat, or sleepy, and needed to go to bed. It was just a sense that something unspecified wasn't right, and so there was nothing to be done to make it better. Except, I'm sure that doing another bump would have made it better. Or knocking myself unconscious with sedatives. So, that was also pretty interesting. I always thought of addiction as a craving for the drug itself, but here, the addiction could come as a medication for the drug's after-effects.
I don't think that it's for me. If I do use it again, I'd like it to be in smaller doses like 10 mg that will give me a tiny boost, but not get me high. The problem there is that there's always the temptation to re-dose just this one time, because the party's still going and you're not ready to be done yet, and I'd worry that... off I go again. I guess what I'm saying is that this drug is SO effective that I'm not certain whether I can manage its use, and so I'm not actually certain whether I'll do it again. At least with Adderall, the effect is subtle enough that I never feel high enough to notice a come-down that would trigger a desire to re-dose.
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