Citation: life.123. "Losing the Sense of Time: An Experience with Diazepam & Meditation (exp82426)". Erowid.org. Jun 18, 2020. erowid.org/exp/82426
The other day I was really emotionally drained from everything. For weeks this pressure was building up an on this friday I just started crying, it was a major emotional breakdown, I was mad at the people around me and as a result decided to take 15mg of valium. I personally hate valium I sometimes use it as a sleeping aid, but then I just wake up with my jaw hurting from jaw clenching. But this night I was just needed something to relax me so I took the 15mg and went to my room at 9 pm.
Around 9:15 I'm feeling a little different I cant really concentrate on the things around me and feel kind of dizzy, but I'm still really depressed. As a result I try to meditate. This is where the amazing even occurred. I have been practicing meditation for some time now and I can't say I have progressed much. It helps me, I guess, but for some reason it makes me more irritable. However, on this day I closed my eyes and started meditating. I was saying a mantra over and over again and I really let myself go into the realms of my own mind. At that present time I didn't notice it, but when looking back I remember that for most of my meditation I didn't hear any external noises such as the tv in the room next door which was blaring. I totally lost track of time and finally around 10 my friend came to see how I was doing... Well I was very lost at that particular moment because I was awakened from this place deep inside me I couldn't believe that I was in a trance/meditation for the past 45 mins. When I thought about it I really couldn't say how long I was meditating since I felt like it was eternity.
During my experience I recalled some of the pictures of my childhood and I think that they have been subconsciously haunting me for some time now but I never realized it it was something I tried to erase, however, through this experience I was able to find out what the problem was. I don't know how much influence valium had on my experience but I think it allowed me to relax and let me 'leave' my physical body for that hour. The next day I felt really tired and still kind of dizzy not up for anything, but I felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my soul. It was really a great experience. I hope that I have many more with and without the aid of mind altering substance.
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