Citation: ComfortAndHappiness. "Powdered Happiness: An Experience with Methadone (exp82796)". Erowid.org. Mar 23, 2018. erowid.org/exp/82796
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I had heard a lot about methadone. I knew it was used to help recovering heroin addicts adjust to 'the clean life.' I knew it was a synthetic opioid. That's really all I needed to know.
I was never really into swallowing pills. I love insufflation. Its always been my favorite route for any drug that could possibly be crushed into a powder. I had heard that a methadone high could last entire days. This wasn't a possibility for me. All signs pointed to snorting, even though I had not heard if it was safe or not.
I received 10 pills from a close friend/ex-heroin addict. I crushed one of the 10mg pills into a fine white powder on my bathroom counter. I formed one big line and one thought passed through my head: 'Shouldn't I be worried about this?' This thought passed quickly and I rolled up a $1 bill and snorted away.
The effects hit me within 5 minutes. All of a sudden I was happy. Incredibly happy. The complete opposite of how I felt just minutes ago. All the problems in my life were still present. I thought of relationship trouble (at the time, I was tricked into believing I had a child on the way), grades in school, family troubles, and any other problems. They didn't disappear. I was well aware of them. I laughed at them. They meant nothing. Everything I owned and held dear meant nothing.
Everything I owned and held dear meant nothing.
I could have given away all my possessions if it would have made someone as happy as I had felt then. It was the first time I was ever content with my life.
The effects didn't last more than 2 hours. I was relieved. This meant I could do this miracle of a drug in public settings. I could feel happy anywhere. I felt I could get through my days with no problems. And this was true. I had found my drug.
I had control over this drug. I could take it or go without it. It was a habit, but was incredibly manageable. I would miss the feeling of true happiness when it was gone, but there was no overwhelming need to do it again. Just a want. And that's what it still is today. Just a want.
I'm still a regular methadone user. I believe I will be until the day I die. I'm not even afraid of overdose. All I have to do is tell myself: 'At least I'll die happy.'
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