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My Normal Life Is Kind of Grey
Cocaine (freebase)
by noote75
Citation:   noote75. "My Normal Life Is Kind of Grey: An Experience with Cocaine (freebase) (exp83027)". Erowid.org. Oct 9, 2019. erowid.org/exp/83027

 
DOSE:
1 g smoked Cocaine (freebase)
      Pharms - Buprenorphine (daily)

BODY WEIGHT: 90 kg


Cocaine Freebase

I am from Germany and here freebase is made with heating cocaine with ammonia, wash it with water. Maybe someone can explain me if the european baking soda is different from american baking soda used to make crack. Because there is another way to make freebase known to me: add cocaine to water and some (german!?) baking soda, heat it, stir it and there you have it. I tried both methods, but I think it is not Crack when I used the second method. I don't get any 'brown' rocks it's just white and for my feeling my baking soda method is a bit less potent in its high than the ammonia version.

Here we pay 10 for+- a tenth of a gram freebase. It is a good portion to smoke it in one time. Straight Cocaine here is +- 50 a gram, so you see, that making it myself will save me +- 50%. But for me making it myself is sometimes for some reasons not possible so I have to buy the 10 packets. Here the problem is that there are huge quality differences. When I am lucky, I get freebase which really bangs my head.

In the first moment everything sounds a bit metallic, and bliss goes through my body. The first minute or so, I just want to enjoy the moment. So no talking to others or others talking to me.
The first minute or so, I just want to enjoy the moment. So no talking to others or others talking to me.
I like it most when I walk a few steps or sit down in silence. After this minute or so I really like talking again to others and I feel 'boosted' it is like I am feeling normal, but like a new polished version of myself. Now I am feeling good but also a bit speedy.

In my Cocaine abuse career I only snorted plain cocaine twice. I liked it too but I like the freebase form more. The only downside of smoking cocaine is that it feels a bit unhealthy to inhale as much as I can from the pipe. I sometimes think 'my poor lungs'. The 'feeling good' impact of the freebase decreases over the time of +- an half hour, before I really want another dose!

And that is the dangerous part of freebase. Over two years of using it ruined me financially. I sold my motorbike, which was everything to me, and bought freebase from the money. Once I was broke on the second day of the month after spending 1500 on freebase in 2 days. I made a lot of debts in that time also, didn't pay my invoices, just spent everything on freebase. Now I am paying for the debts and the invoices, it will take at least 2 years from now before I have some money for myself to spend.

It is now +- 6 month ago when I stopped using cocaine, got a job, got back to my old nondrug-using friends. BUT... I relapsed after being sober for 3 months. Until now I am using in a more controlled manner, +- 3,4 times a month. I cannot bear the thought of never getting high again. I find that I have a pretty boring life, and I need sometimes some kind of 'brain reset' or excitement. When I do not have any money or want to stop a binge (for example, I have to work the next day and don't want to be a zombie the next day), I have to come down from the cocaine: As I am tested for drugs, once a month, I cannot risk to take any benzo's or THC (stays in urine 3 weeks or so, cocaine 4 days) to come down calmly. I cannot use Heroin, because I am on subutex. So I come down sober mostly.

Over time I noticed that coming down, which is really, really unpleasant, best goes with sleeping. When I use freebase late in the evening and not in massive quantity, I mostly can get to sleep. Next day is mostly OK for me. I also noticed that when I used a lot of freebase and did not get enough sleep, the next day is a horror
when I used a lot of freebase and did not get enough sleep, the next day is a horror
. I am deeply depressed then. Not really able to work, just suffering, and sometimes even suicide thoughts. And although coming down is really a pain, I always get back to using freebase. I just enjoy life for a moment. I guess that I am an addict and will stay an addict in the future. I think this lies in the fact that my normal life is kind of grey, and I cannot accept that this is the 'real' life. I need to escape the greyness from time to time, otherwise I go insane.

If I had a fulfilling life, I wouldn't need any drugs. So a future task for me is to 'build' myself step after step an interesting life. Then, maybe (-; I'll get clean...

Exp Year: 2009ExpID: 83027
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 34 
Published: Oct 9, 2019Views: 1,428
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Cocaine (13) : Preparation / Recipes (30), Addiction & Habituation (10), Retrospective / Summary (11), Unknown Context (20)

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