Citation: Stray Cat. "First Time Breakthrough: An Experience with DMT (exp83098)". Erowid.org. Dec 15, 2013. erowid.org/exp/83098
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It was the first day of the new year and some friends and I had indulged in rather large amounts of MDMA the night before. I was at a friend's house all day recovering from the MDMA when I was offered to try some DMT. The DMT had been extracted from Mimosa Hostilis and was white. My friend had taken the extra step using a freezer to obtain a more pure product. I was in a good mood, ready to try something off the wall for a change. We had eaten a large breakfast to help us recover from the night before and I had taken about 30 mg of gingko biloba standardized extract, 100 mg of Coenzyme Q10, and a multivitamin/mineral with breakfast.
I have tried approximately 40 mg. DMT once before in smokeable form but I had never snorted it. I was a little skeptical at first because I prefer the shorter duration of the smoked DMT experience. I knew that DMT could be very intense from my previous experience and I felt more comfortable knowing that time is on my side incase things get too intense. However we had no DMT pipe. I felt the omens calling me that day to do it. The first one was as we were just about to turn off the TV, someone on TV said 'break though'. The second omen was the weather outside. It was just perfect and beautiful. I knew that I needed to conquer my fears of the DMT so I decided to do it this day, knowing that if I didn't, I would be disappointed at myself for letting fear get the best of me.
My friend lined me up a fat line of 100 mg white fluffy DMT extract after weighing it. It looked like a lot, about the size of a fat cocaine dagger. He put on some very chill drum and bass, not to fast, not too dark. It was light outside, but the lights in the room were turned off. The TV was off and everything was quiet except for the music. The music was like a continuous journey. You couldn't really tell where the tracks ended or began unless you were familiar with the CD. Just my friend, his girlfriend, and I were in the room and I was given a CD case with the fat DMT line and a home made tooter. I sniffed the whole line into my left nostril. It burned a little but it wasn't too bad.
I felt nothing for a couple of minutes and then began to see some mild visuals. Playful, entertaining visuals covered the ceiling of the room in green and yellow colors if I remember correctly. I was at peace and had sort of forgotten that I had done DMT. Then a couple minutes later I was visited by many beings, too many to count or even acknowledge them all. Each of them would come and leave quick, and they kept coming. I felt it was just best too relax and watch the scene because it would have been too hard to make sense of it all. It was rather pleasant and at the same time a bit overwhelming. The beings seemed to be studying me, all of them interested in something different, but I was not afraid. No two beings were the same. This part of the experience seemed pretty brief. I think this was when I first left my body and was no longer aware of being in my friend's room.
Then I found myself experiencing the creation of mankind. I sort of felt like Neo in the Matrix when he woke up with all of those tubes going into his body inside of the tub where humans were being made for energy sources, except there were no tubes and no machines or matter as we know it on Earth. I was covered in a thick pink jelly like material and could not free myself. I was not yet ready to be released because I had not fully matured enough to survive on my own. The technology involved was very alien, not resembling anything like human technology. I had the feeling that our creators were selfish for creating us, but that it is still good to be alive as a human none the less. Why did I feel that our creation was out of selfishness at the time? I don't know, but maybe in some secret way, we were created to unknowingly serve our creators. None the less, I felt that they were okay with us enjoying life to its fullest but I don't think they cared if we didn't. I felt trapped there. I couldn't move anything except my jaw. It was too much for me to handle comfortably and I waited patiently for this part of the experience to pass.
I continued floating around in the 3 dimensional DMT space without anything too significant happening when I was found by a very advanced extraterrestrial being. His kind liked humanity and they enjoyed helping humans evolve at a very fast rate. I could feel this being empowering me and showing me advanced things. He helped direct my awareness to different things, all of which were helpful to my evolution. Anytime my awareness shifted to something of no use, especially things that would enable fear, he would give me a nudge to not pay attention to it but to focus on the useful things that were good for me. He also could sense weaknesses in me as I brought them up from out from my consciousness and would helped me overcome them. At the same time this being was learning from his interaction with me. It was a positive experience. I learned that these beings existed among another type of beings and that they did not like each other, but instead of fighting, they just avoided one another in a respectful way, knowing that engaging in problems was a waste of time. They knew what they wanted and applied themselves fervently to related tasks.
The next part of the experience was the most frightening. I experienced the return of Jesus Christ as it is written in the bible. I am an atheist, but I still have some biblical/ religious material in my subconscious mind from when I used to be Christian. This is what happened: Time stopped, the music I was listening to is very repetitive so it can give one the sense that whatever is happening will happen for eternity when on powerful hallucinogens. I experienced Jesus returning and at first it was awesome. I felt that all of existence was connected to this one moment and that everyone knew that Jesus had returned. It was very intense and everyone surrendered themselves. At first I believed that we were all waking up in heaven, learning how to use our heavenly bodies, but then I sensed that something terrible was about to happen. That terrible thing was judgement. I began judging myself, thinking about all of my imperfections and I realized that I was about to be sent to an eternity in hell. I cried and tried very hard to find some good in myself to latch onto, to show Jesus that although I didn't deserve heaven, I was not fit for hell. I felt what it would be like to have your entire family stripped from you for all eternity, to be left in a place of torment and suffering with others who are also in misery. It was very very brutally intense and I honestly believed that this was going to last forever.
Finally that part passed and I began to open my eyes again. I could finally recognize the room that I was in and my two friends sitting there in total silence. I was relieved but the experience was not yet over. I was finally aware of the existence of time and realized that the drug would eventually weak off. I began to move to the music harmoniously in repetitive motions like a slithering snake, as I lay in the same place on my friend's bed. It felt very nice, and I had the feeling like this was expected of me from my friends, like it was normal thing to do on DMT. It just came naturally and I couldn't resist doing it. It was therapeutic. This continued through the music track that was playing.
Then came this entity/demon or whatever that tried to posses me. It was coercing me to become its sex slave. It offered me great things for my surrender and threatened bad things for my refusal. A battle took place between me and this sexual demon. I refused to allow my existence to be in the hands of something that was against my own desires. It was an all out battle and the victor would be in control of me for the rest of my life, maybe even for eternity. I fought to the death and it wasn't fun, but I was the victor.
Then I began to fear that I was dying. I felt like I didn't deserve to live. I felt like I had been rejected by my friends and something was trying to make me believe that I didn't even love my family. I felt that I had been given too many chances at life and that this was it. I had made the last mistake and I had to pay for it. I tried hard to stay alive. I thought about all of the reasons why I should live, all of the things I could do to be more healthy. I began to breath like a yogi or some spiritual master, imagining oxygen going throughout my entire body especially into parts that needed it most. I rolled around on my friend's bed, stretching, breathing, rolling off of the bed, getting into different positions to aid the oxygen flow throughout my body, cracking my bones and meditating. (This is something that I have been doing on shrooms for many years. Its an intuitive healing process that I love, and one of my favorite benefits of doing shrooms. It seems to be a gift of the tryptamines, at least for me, and I usually begin to do it towards the end of an experience.) I remembered that no one has ever died from DMT and that helped me realized that I was just panicking a bit. I tried to relax as I awaited my return to baseline.
Finally I was able to stand up, and I felt great. I felt like I had just peaked on an eighth of mushrooms, you know the feeling like you have just been born again with a clear mind, quick, wise, intuitive and powerful. I looked in the mirror and my pupils were still very large. I didn't really feel like I did MDMA the night before anymore and I had a very optimistic outlook on the new year. I am glad I conquered my fear of DMT and accepted the challenge. Even though this experience was very intense at times pretty difficult, I am glad I did it and I may do it again when I feel up to it, but I think I will stick to smoking. The experience lasted too long for my liking. DMT is not a toy. It was not a fun experience but I like the challenge of such things from time to time. The afterglow was great and as more time goes by, I think about the experience a little more and realize the how intense it really was. Its been 24 hours since the trip and my nose is finally feeling better. I believe I broke through this time. All in all the trip lasted about an hour according to my friends. They said that they have never seen anyone trip so hard off of 100 mg insufflated dose. Why? perhaps because of the MDMA the night before or the supplement combo I took earlier. Maybe I am sensitive to DMT or I may have just had some things in my subconscious mind that enabled for a stronger more demanding trip.
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