Citation: Jay--The Candyman. "God's Instruments of Truth: An Experience with 2C-E (exp83684)". Erowid.org. Aug 20, 2018. erowid.org/exp/83684
||(powder / crystals)
A brief backround of me: Served 4 years in the Marine Corps, including a tour in Iraq. Developed a drug problem after returning from Iraq, got an Other Than Honorable discharge. Which is actually pretty lucky, considering I was dealing. Faced 60 years for distribution of Ecstasy, LSD, Mushrooms, and Cocaine. Escaped practically scott-free. The only explanation for this that I can come up with is divine intervention. I habitually took LSD during this time for spiritual purposes, finding that words seemed to just flow through me naturally while under the influence. I had several experiences which could only be described as profound, religious experiences. Religious pretexts now dominate my thought process any time I take psychedelics. Through one of these religious experiences, I realized my purpose: and that purpose is to write my book.
After my subsequent discharge from the military, I haphazardly bounced around the U.S. Sleeping on one couch to the next. Until eventually I ran out of money and wound up wrecking my car, getting a DUI, and moving back in with my mother. And here I am.
Under my belt: marijuana, LSD (upwards of 200-300 tabs over 50+ trips),mushrooms (8 times total), Ecstasy (hundreds of pills;as well as pure MDMA crystals), Cocaine on several occasions, Salvia Divinorum, Ketamine, Heroin--both snorted and shot up once each, 2CB (individually and mixed with LSD) Methylone, and now: 2CE. I'm sure I'm probably forgetting some. I am not a novice drug user. I'd probably be considered a chemical cowboy.
Having just discovered a new source for various substances which I never heard of, but was dying to try, I felt like a kid in a candy store. I never knew trying new drugs could be so exciting! And the drug that captivated my excitement? 2-CE.
Setting: Utterly alone in the world, other than my mother and step-father to keep me company--seemingly to unwittingly remind me of my failures. Working off my debts to society and the court system because of my DUI. Somewhat depressed, but not without hope. After my experience with 2CE, I felt utterly compelled to share. Immediately.
Feb 4th, 2010
And so, after a good long while in which I foolishly allowed myself to become distracted from my purpose.. here I am. I suppose I wouldn't be able to properly focus on writing my book unless I was removed from all distractions: Friends. Partying. Girlfriends. Etc. I worried that I wouldn't be able to obtain the same level of emotional depth writing sober as when I wrote on acid. But, with the recent discovery of research chemicals, that fear has been alleviated. Hopefully, proper utilization of these drugs will offer me the help I need to write this damn thing.
Two samples of powder (even of the same chemical) with equivalent volumes won't necessarily weigh the same. For this reason, eyeballing is an inaccurate and potentially dangerous method of measuring, particularly for substances that are active in very small amounts.
See this article on The Importance of Measured Doses.]
The first drug I picked out to test was 2-CE. It is now starting to kick in. After reading about the importance of proper dosage for this drug, I hesitated to take any--since I have no scale to properly measure my intended dose of 15mg. My theory is that 1 mg per 10 lbs of body weight is the ideal dosage. Perhaps if I actually had the money to spend on an appropriate scale, I would have just waited. Or even if I had a ride to go buy the scale on credit for that matter. But, since neither of these scenarios are the case.. that left me with only 1 option as far as I could tell.
250mg divided in half 4 times leaves a little over 15mg to work with. So, as carefully as I could, I turned one pile of 250mg 2CE into 2 piles of 125mg. I repeated this process of halving, always taking the smaller pile to the next step just to be safe. Finally, I was left with what I guessed to be 10-15mg, which I stared at apprehensively for a few minutes before deciding to ingest. I put it onto some toilet paper and parachuted it. That was roughly 30 minutes ago. I’m already feeling the effects.
The cat’s locked up in the bathroom, my music is on, posters are out to look at. The next example of my writing will be only after I feel compelled…
**The writing that follows began with the thought of being just one tiny dot on the globe.. utterly insignificant, barely affecting anything within my range of travel, much less anything significantly as far as world affairs or politics were concerned. But, as is often the case when I write on psychedelics.. my hand scurried across the page without hesitation or pause. It was as if a power greater than myself was speaking through me**
Funny. I think to myself daily: the things I’m good at. I’m smart, funny, attractive.. I’m the best at pretty much anything I set my mind to. Or close to it. The best in bed. The best in thought. Or close to it. So I’m good at all this shit, right?
But taken from a world perspective, in which I’m just one tiny dot on a globe full of dot-masses.. I’m practically nothing. Completely insignificant. In *my* world, I have influence and I control my destiny. But how far does that influence reach? I meet only a small amount of people—each encompassed in their own world—compared to how many I could meet. And of those who meet me, who will remember my name? And if they do, will they remember it admiringly? Or with contempt?
Either way, it doesn’t matter. Because I’ll have barely left an impression upon the grand scheme of the earth. I’m just another number. Another generation. Seemingly progressively worse mankind gets. All in the name of advancement. But really, neither regression nor progression is ever made in the hearts of men. We will always be the same. The only difference is the level of technology in which we wield for our convenience.
Technology built up over the years.. layers upon layers of knowledge.. passed down from one generation to the next.. And always the first thing thought of for this technology is war. And warfare is always waged in the name of protecting home. Fools. Our only home is our body! Why waste it on war?
Every generation trying to prove their worth through warfare. To make daddy proud. War: Always fought to protect our children. Always fought by the children. For the parents. Conflict over imaginary lines in the dirt. Territory. Mine, Mine, Mine.
Greed. Greed dwells in the heart of man. And from greed comes everything else. Mistaking property for accomplishment. Confusing the two. Thinking one means the other. When really, the only things truly worth accomplishing are those things which help your fellow man.
Aid your brother, your fellow man, knowing he would do the same. That should be the way of the world, and yet is not.
Self-advancement. Self-accomplishment. Self-serving. Every man for himself is the new way of the world. Where once man stuck together simply because they were two like creatures, now they seek out each difference they can find in the other. Any excuse to declare the other different somehow. Not like us. Us vs. them. That way it doesn’t seem so bad to kill them.
But that’s evolution, RIGHT?! Survival of the fittest. Yeah, that’s what they want you to think. They being Lucifer. Oh boy, Lucifer sure loved Darwin. I’m sure he’s fucking him in the ass right now. It’s only fitting, since Darwin fucked the rest of the world with his bullshit.
Yeah, you’d like to believe in yourself, wouldn’t you? You’d like to think you’ve got it all figured out. You’d like to believe in humanity. That’d be nice? Wouldn’t it? Social Darwinism? More like Social Narcissism. That’s all it is. Humanity being in love with itself. Priding itself on all its trivial accomplishments. Why believe in God, when you can believe in yourself? Believe in your fellow man. Mankind.
HA!! If there’s one thing I don’t believe in, it’s mankind.
Mankind, with all it’s lies.. greed.. betrayal.. hatred.. bigotry.. warfare.. I can name a million things wrong with mankind, but won’t just so I can write about things that matter. Makes me sick to look at mankind. Dumbfucks.
And they say “SHOW ME GOD! PROVE IT!” When really it’s easy to prove God exists, at least by my standards. But to be more specific, it’s easier to prove Lucifer exists. See, Lucifer is the master deceiver. And the greatest trick Lucifer ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist—when really he’s tucked in right under our noses. Right in our hearts—all our hearts—there he is. The beast within. You can’t kill him; you’re too weak. All you can do is resist him the best you can.
Or, if you’re foolish: Deny his existence and allow him to rule your life. Never knowing why you’re so fucking miserable all the time. Never knowing why you never feel complete. Always wondering why something feels as though it were out of place.. missing.. wrong. And then you look around you. You don’t see it, but I sure as hell do.
The mark of the beast is everywhere. Misery. Conformity. Everyone putting on one big show, trying to convince everyone they meet that they’re alright. That they’re normal. Happy. Not miserable. Fine just the way they are. Even though they’re not. Even though it’s all bullshit. Just a mask. Always better to cry alone, rather than on someone’s shoulder—lest they think less of you.
There’s Social Darwinism for you: Crying alone. Have fun with that shit. I’ll stick to God and Jesus Christ. “Prove God exists?” I don’t need to. Lucifer’s easy enough to prove. And if Lucifer exists, then so does God..
--And this is precisely why all this shit is illegal. Psychedelic, mind-altering drugs. They’re demonized—by the devil himself. Because if mankind took them, he would see. Doesn’t matter which religious denomination—everyone would see God. In his own way. Any way he could. Anyway God could use. Man would see.
Man would see that they’re not alone in this universe. That there’s something else out there. Bigger. Greater. Greater than they could ever comprehend. Understand. And they would also see, that it doesn’t matter that they didn’t understand everything.
Does a dog trouble himself with the complexities of his master’s life? No. He’s simply content to have a master that cares. That takes care of him. Even if he doesn’t necessarily understand the methods the master uses in that care—it doesn’t matter. As long as that dog doesn’t bite..
Oh, but if that dog bites the hand that feeds, then he’ll be put down. And in this respect, man is also. Bite God’s hand? Get put down. And the funny thing is, you wouldn’t even recognize getting put down when it happens, because you’re so fucking stupid. Man’s understanding of God is equivalent to a dog’s understanding of man.
And to think, man could be so arrogant as to claim to ultimate authority on fact and proof. Man—clumbering around, digging in the dirt, killing one another over territorial tantrums. Fucking idiots.
Yup. This is definitely why this drug is illegal. How dare I speak out against Satan and all his minions! How dare I defy Lucifer himself by proclaiming GOD IS ALMIGHTY?! Someone should throw me in jail!! Persecute me please!! Just like all the other religious fanatics who got imprisoned or put to death for their beliefs in the Almighty God!
At the hands of fools. Fools who just follow orders. Just do what they’re told. When really they’re just listening to the beast within their hearts.
The beast who rules the earth. Lucifer in the hearts of men. And of course: The whores. The whores who sell themselves to his way of life. Self-serving, self-advancement, Social Darwinism. Survival of the fittest—when no one’s fit, simply because we never stop killing each other.
And there you have it—a prophecy come true: The Beast and the Great Whore of Babylon. Not like any of the drones of Satan would even recognize the reference. As they shuffle away into their neatly organized cubicles. Neatly organized life. Neatly organized system.
Think and do as you please. Just don’t think about God unless you want to be outcast. And don’t ever do anything other than get a job and pay your bills. And if you’ve had a long day, and want to forget your troubles—in this perfectly organized system—go ahead and have a drink. Or 10. Indulge in the substance that clouds your judgment. Makes you blind. Causes strife. Regret. And while you’re at it, take these prescription pills to fix whatever’s wrong with you. After all, it’s normal to be depressed nowadays. As long as it’s legal, it’s alright. Right?
Except one is forgetting: Lucifer controls the laws. He only lets us think we have a say. He only lets us think we have some say in the matter of what’s happening around us. Just like he’s fooled us for thousands of years. But it’s no different today than it was back in Rome when we tortured the Son of God to death. The only difference is technology. The means in which we choose to do it.
Rather than injure God directly, instead we’ll just ignore Him altogether. Deny His existence. And instead, proclaim OURSELVES almighty!! ALMIGHTY MAN! And in order to accomplish that goal—Lucifer’s goal—we will strip down anything which may remind us of God. Make it uncomfortable to even speak God’s name in public! Ban God from schools! Remove Him from our children! Ban any substance which promotes the thought of God! The thought of peace! The thought of unity!
Rather than blind, primal rage. Indulge in alcohol! Ban LSD!!
Don’t forget to teach your children why. That’s why we do anything, right? To protect our children. Right? Then why do we ever fucking send them to war?!
Fuck America!! I think we should take “In God We Trust” of the dollar bill, simply because it’s a total lie. “In Ourselves We Trust” is more like it. Or better yet—“In This We Trust”—the dollar bill itself. Because that’s all anyone cares about nowadays. That fucking money and the status among men it buys them. And they’ll do anything to get it. Sell themselves. Sell eachother out. Sell eachother. Mankind—trafficking itself for a made-up currency. Oh jeez. Lucifer must be laughing his ass off!! All the while—locking each other up in the name of freedom!! HAH! What a fucking joke.
America. The rest of the world laughs at us. And yet America is the ground in which Lucifer has planted his feet. They laugh behind our backs, but bow to our faces. Because that’s all America is: One big show of force. “Look at how strong and powerful we are! We’re the greatest nation on earth!! EVER!!”
How fucking arrogant.
America: makes me sick to think of. And to think, we had such potential. We had a chance to prove everyone wrong. All those evil tyrants!! And now look at us. An entire nation of tyrants. And most within it too stupid to recognize that they’re just cattle—feeding the system.
Fools! Thinking in terms of “nations” rather than mankind. All of mankind. Hate and fear your neighbor, because they sure as shit hate and fear you. Lucifer is hate. God is love. Lucifer is terror.
Jihad. Holy war. As if anything could be more blasphemous--killing in the name of God!! How utterly… misguided.
“Forgive them Father! For they know not what they do.” As true today as it was then. And yet we think ourselves more civilized. Simply because our “Founding Fathers” offered us constitutional rights. Constitutional rights in which the government can pick and choose which to honor.
Freedom of religion. Right? Then why can’t I practice my religious beliefs? Why can’t I take LSD or psilocybin in the name of God? Why can’t I utilize these substances for my own spiritual growth? Because the Lord utilizes these substances to speak through me. And I could only thank God that I should be so blessed. To deliver His Word.
And yet to do so, by the means described, is to be declared insane. “God—actually speaking to someone?! Well that’s just unheard of!!” Ha! Unheard of if you don’t believe in the Bible. But those that do know and understand that God speaks to whomever he chooses. And in the fashion in which he chooses to speak. Is it so hard to believe, then, that God chose drugs as a means to speak to a drug addict? And that through that addict, others could see the truth?
Or am I insane. Or is everything I just said a fabrication? Fiction? Tell me, man, does everything I say not ring true?!
Lucifer’s taken over. All of man. And America—the last hope against him—has fallen from within. And declared Lucifer master. And all of his ways.
And I’ll be persecuted for saying this. I’ll be called a terrorist. Seditious. They’ll try to discredit me—and they will. They’ll call me radical. Insane. Schizophrenic. Anything to discredit me. Anything to protect themselves. Through deception and misdirection. Like Houdini: Make them look one way so that they see exactly what you want them to. But know this: I’m no terrorist. But I can honestly see why they attack us.
America is evil. Just because we constantly claim otherwise, doesn’t make it any less true. Ever since we got our greedy little fingers in world affairs, we’ve been fucking up the entire world. Covertly. Just the way Lucifer likes it. You think all this shit happened over night? 9/11? The War on Terror? The War on Drugs? It’s all Lucifer, man.
Hate to fucking say it. But we started it. If 9/11 was a sucker punch, it was a sucker punch from a kid who’s been bullied for the last 60 years. Ever since WWII. Even the targets make sense. A bunch of drones at the World Trade Centers, slaving away for the concepts of greed. Was 9/11 right? No. It was God-awful. But then again, what isn’t now adays? Methadone?
Maybe if we just backed off this shit would stop happening. But no. Always gotta escalate. Rather than admit we were wrong and just apologize and back off, now we gotta wage a war on terror. A war that will never end. A war that will turn very, very ugly. Very, very soon.
Because soon it won’t be just Islamic Males between the ages of 18-24 who are America’s enemies. Soon it will be anyone who speaks out against America. Soon it will be anyone who dissents. Anyone who speaks their mind. They’ll be locked up, thrown away, and filed as “terrorists”.
It’s already happening. Don’t you see?! Can’t you read between the lines?! The media keeps playing it and playing it: “Al Qaeda still poses a major threat to America. Al Qaeda is planning something big within the next 6 months!!”
While they broadcast their hollow victories of detaining a “terrorist” who “allegedly” tried to blow up a plane. Never mind the fact that he still managed to get all that shit through security. Security that we sacrificed our liberties for, involuntarily. Why sacrifice our liberties if you can’t even protect us anyway? Why even claim to protect us?
When you’re out there causing international mischief. International strife. Fucking shit up. The war on terror—when the biggest terrorists are those in our government.
Ha!! Lucifer must be laughing. He must be—to have everyone so fooled!
“The War on Terror”? Ever since my childhood, I was taught “two wrongs don’t make a right”. And here you have America trying to prove the opposite. Know what Jesus says? Turn the other cheek. You know what, man? If some radical Islamic Jihadist religious fanatic wants to take my life because I don’t believe in God the way he thinks I should—let him. Let that motherfucker kill me. Because I know no God of mine would ever send me to kill in His name.
So just save all the trouble. End the War on Terror, because it’s pointless. They’ve already won. Look at us, running around.. eroding freedom and stretching our constitution to protect ourselves from this great—terrorist—threat. Watch.
Watch your television while it happens. Front row tickets to the madness. Sit back and watch as they convince you not to give terrorists the same rights. Sit back and watch as they take guns away from the terrorists. Then guns away from you. Sit and watch, and you’ll start to see: Big Brother. 1984 came 26 years late, but it definitely came alright. Sit back and watch, and don’t think otherwise. Because if you do…
Then you’ll be the terrorist other people are watching. You’ll be getting dragged away to a life with no trial. It may not be today. Or tomorrow for that matter. But it’s coming. I can see it clear as day. And it blows my mind that people could—in masses—be so inept. So blind. So easily fooled. Deceived.
But then again, just look at whos doing the deceiving—the master, Lucifer himself. Playing one religion on the other. Gotta give it to him—he’s clever. He’s so clever, in fact, that he convinced the entire world that he didn’t exist. And, by doing that, he convinced the entire world that God doesn’t exist. And he’s laughing. Now.
But it’s God who will have the last laugh of all. You just wait and see.
And who am I? I’m no one man. Like I said before. Utterly insignificant. I’m just a witness… to it all. A witness for God.
And the thing is: I know I’m no better. Than anyone. I’m just as corrupt and selfish as the next person. The difference is, I struggle with it now. Unlike before, I struggle with the beast within my heart. He’ll always be there—as long as I live. But God is in my mind. And because of that, I struggle. I struggle with my own moralities and my own knowledge of Good and Evil.
Because the truth is—and Adam realized it immediately upon eating that fruit—mankind is evil. And, like Adam, mankind goes through great lengths to hide that fact. But it’s obvious everywhere you look.
All the signs are there, man. Earthquakes. Floods. Firestorms. Think of all the natural disasters within the last 5 years or so. The truth is, mankind doesn’t have much time left. How long? Who knows? But, just like Sodom and Gomorrah, fire will reign down and destroy this earth.
Know what I think about all that? About when? When there’s not one man or woman on earth worth saving. When there’s not one man or woman on earth who could be saved. That’s when it’ll happen. And we are quickly approaching that point. Just look around you! At all these people!
And I honestly wish I could say that I was better. But I’m not. For when I was in the city of evil, I became just like them. And I was just like them. And I almost went down forever—just like them. But for some reason, God decided to spare me. My life. So that I could tell about it later.
But what’s sad is: No one wants to hear it. No one cares. And I can’t force someone to listen if they don’t want to. All I can do is try.. try to reach just one person.. persuade one person.. one at a time. To believe an idea so crazy—so utterly absurd—that mankind could actually be loved by God. It’s insane. But then again, to know God is to know insanity. But that’s just what they want you to think. It’s easier to discredit Him that way.
--HOLY SHIT!! 2CE IS HELLUVA DRUG!!
I came away from the trip with the realization that I'm probably going to be martyred for my beliefs.
**notes-- I stopped intermittently to reflect on the trip. Better than acid was the general thought each time. This shit is great!
Outstanding levels of mental clarity. Not as much of an overpowering body high that sometimes associates itself with LSD trips. I’d say it’s more of a mind drug, which is perfect for me. Visuals were moderate. Nothing too wild or encompassing, although I was primarily too focused on writing in my journal to become engulfed.
I did notice slight tremors in my leg muscles halfway through. They weren’t uncomfortable or unpleasant, but perhaps at a higher dose they might have become that way. It felt more like I was just shivering from cold than actual spasms. I’m now at +9:00 and counting.. shit still has the “acid glow”, but that may be more from sleep deprivation than anything else at this point. I feel as though I came down around +7:00 or so.
All in all, a very good trip. I would like to know the exact dose I took, as it seemed to be precisely what I was going for.
If you liked this, keep an eye out for my book 'Never Too Late' in upcoming years.
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Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.